The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"Jazz music is extremely popular in the city of Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Also, a number of well-known jazz musicians own homes in Monroe. Nevertheless, the nearest jazz club is over an hour away. Given the popularity of jazz in Monroe and a recent nationwide study indicating that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, a jazz music club in Monroe would be tremendously profitable."
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
At first glance, the author seems to make a compelling argument behind the need to receive a small-business loan to create a new jazz club in Monroe. Once the reasoning is further inspected, there’s many questions that come up due to the lack of evidence behind the claims made. As a result, the argument is flawed and unless those questions are answered, the logic proves to be unsound.
Initially, the overall quest behind the loan request is to make a “tremendously profitable enterprise”. However, the author fails to provide any evidence that will lead the loaner to understand what he word profitable means according to the requestor. Needless to say, many questions come up trying to answer this assertion: What is their business plan? How long do they expect to take before they make a profit? How much do they intend to charge? Will they host concerts? Who will run the place? Those questions have got to be answered in order for anyone reading this request to have a decent idea of how the individuals filing the application will be successful in this endeavor.
Secondly, the author argues that 100,000 people attended the jazz festival last year. It is implied, that there is a market for those who will attend the new club. But, no context is provided to understand the situation around the festival. Sure, all those attendees could have been residents of the town, however one could think that the majority of those visitors came from across the country. For example, the Coachella festival hosts thousands of people once a year, but that doesn’t mean that they host raves every night. As it stands, this argument proves to be ineffective as it doesn’t relate how this festival will make the new club profitable all year long as opposed to a single event in the summer.
Lastly, according to a nationwide study, an average fan spends around $1,000 per year in jazz entertainment. Many holes can be found in this argument: Who made the study? What was their sample used? How did they determine the amount spent? What do they mean with jazz entertainment? Ultimately, is the nationwide jazz fan the same as the one in Monroe? None of the evidence required is provided to back this line of argument and how it will make the new club a success. The author should provide the data needed to understand if this will in fact make the new club profitable.
In conclusion, the author makes a bombastic argument as to why a business loan used to create a jazz club in Monroe will be profitable. During the argument, countless questions arise that negate the reasoning implied by the author: What is their business plan? Who are those people who attended the festival last year? Is the nationwide jazz enthusiast the same as the one in Monroe? Much more evidence needs to be provided by those seeking the loan, and until that is completed, the argument proves to be flawed and hollow.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 30 15
No. of Words: 503 350
No. of Characters: 2323 1500
No. of Different Words: 226 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.736 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.618 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.458 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 159 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 102 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 80 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.767 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.077 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.333 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.257 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.424 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.048 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 65, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
...uest behind the loan request is to make a 'tremendously profitable enterpris...
^
Line 3, column 213, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'he' must be used with a third-person verb: 'words'.
Suggestion: words
...l lead the loaner to understand what he word profitable means according to the reque...
^^^^
Line 3, column 568, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'anyone' must be used with a third-person verb: 'reads'.
Suggestion: reads
... got to be answered in order for anyone reading this request to have a decent idea of h...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 70, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...wide study, an average fan spends around ,000 per year in jazz entertainment. Many...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, however, if, lastly, second, secondly, so, thus, as to, for example, in conclusion, in fact, as a result
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 19.6327345309 122% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 5.0 11.1786427146 45% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 39.0 28.8173652695 135% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 59.0 55.5748502994 106% => OK
Nominalization: 17.0 16.3942115768 104% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2422.0 2260.96107784 107% => OK
No of words: 501.0 441.139720559 114% => OK
Chars per words: 4.83433133733 5.12650576532 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.73107062784 4.56307096286 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.70633068931 2.78398813304 97% => OK
Unique words: 229.0 204.123752495 112% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.457085828343 0.468620217663 98% => OK
syllable_count: 746.1 705.55239521 106% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 30.0 19.7664670659 152% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 22.8473053892 70% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 46.6700117849 57.8364921388 81% => OK
Chars per sentence: 80.7333333333 119.503703932 68% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.7 23.324526521 72% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.86666666667 5.70786347227 68% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 18.0 8.20758483034 219% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.134571076985 0.218282227539 62% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0414433742047 0.0743258471296 56% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0542271771007 0.0701772020484 77% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0876979831973 0.128457276422 68% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0341728562026 0.0628817314937 54% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 9.7 14.3799401198 67% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 63.7 48.3550499002 132% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.4 12.197005988 69% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.44 12.5979740519 83% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.33 8.32208582834 88% => OK
difficult_words: 92.0 98.500998004 93% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.4 11.1389221557 75% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 11.9071856287 67% => The average readability is low. Need to imporve the language.
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.