The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author states opening a jazz club in Monroe would be a profitable investment. The Author bases his claim on lack of jazz clubs nearby and popularity of jazz in Monroe. Second claim is based on number of people attended to jazz festival last summer, rating of a jazz radio program and a nationwide study. Overall, the argument sounds logically consistent excluding few unstated assumptions made. If any evidence is stated about these assumptions, argument could be much stronger.
First, the author cites number of the attendants to last year’s jazz festival, and then claims these claims support that people of Monroe will be interested to a jazz club. However, number of attendants are only given for the last year, so it is unknown if last year’s statics are whether a part of the trend or an outlier. As an example, it is possible that a famous musician attended to the festival last year and this resulted in a higher number of attendants than expected. If information about other than last year’s festivals are given, the argument can be solidified further. Also, it is unknown how many attendants of festival were living in Monroe during the festival. Maybe most of the attendants were from other cities and only came for the festival. If this was true, the argument would lose its’ strength since the residents of other cities will not come to a jazz club in Monroe. Therefore, evidence about number of participants at previous years and percentage of attendants living in Monroe is important to evaluate the validity of the argument.
Lastly, there a several assumptions made by author regarding the nationwide study. Author assumes that results of the nationwide study is valid for Monroe. Since the nationwide study represents an average rather than a florid distribution, it may be not applicable to Monroe. Therefore, using results of the study would not make sense without checking applicability of the results to Monroe. Also, the study states spending is made for ‘jazz entertainment’. Jazz entertainment is rather vague term, it may consist purchase of jazz relating items, money spent on jazz concerts or other jazz related places. For instance, purchase of jazz albums could be biggest contribution to these spending and spending on jazz clubs could be lowest contributor. Therefore, assuming these spending will be mostly spent on jazz club and thus, jazz club being profitable is naive at best without knowing the distribution.
To sum up, the author must state some evidence about details of nationwide study and jazz festival of Monroe. Otherwise, his statement is not very trustable.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 430 350
No. of Characters: 2129 1500
No. of Different Words: 192 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.554 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.951 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.634 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 159 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 108 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 83 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 45 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.696 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.382 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.696 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.33 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.496 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.143 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 805, Rule ID: YOURS_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: An apostrophe is never used to form possessive case pronouns. Did you mean: 'its'?
Suggestion: its
... this was true, the argument would lose its’ strength since the residents of other c...
^^^^
Line 5, column 25, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'assumption'?
Suggestion: assumption
...he argument. Lastly, there a several assumptions made by author regarding the nationwide...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 651, Rule ID: THE_SUPERLATIVE[2]
Message: A determiner is probably missing here: 'be the biggest'.
Suggestion: be the biggest
...instance, purchase of jazz albums could be biggest contribution to these spending and spen...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 726, Rule ID: THE_SUPERLATIVE[2]
Message: A determiner is probably missing here: 'be the lowest'.
Suggestion: be the lowest
...ending and spending on jazz clubs could be lowest contributor. Therefore, assuming these ...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 6, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...est without knowing the distribution. To sum up, the author must state some ev...
^^^
Line 7, column 159, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...e, his statement is not very trustable.
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, lastly, may, regarding, second, so, then, therefore, thus, for instance, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 26.0 19.6327345309 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 3.0 13.6137724551 22% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 17.0 28.8173652695 59% => OK
Preposition: 58.0 55.5748502994 104% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 16.3942115768 98% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2204.0 2260.96107784 97% => OK
No of words: 430.0 441.139720559 97% => OK
Chars per words: 5.12558139535 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.55372829156 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.76619084485 2.78398813304 99% => OK
Unique words: 198.0 204.123752495 97% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.460465116279 0.468620217663 98% => OK
syllable_count: 680.4 705.55239521 96% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 22.8473053892 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 34.7411709691 57.8364921388 60% => OK
Chars per sentence: 95.8260869565 119.503703932 80% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.6956521739 23.324526521 80% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.91304347826 5.70786347227 86% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.20758483034 158% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.276421750276 0.218282227539 127% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0882182315089 0.0743258471296 119% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0816368474387 0.0701772020484 116% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.163084392952 0.128457276422 127% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.07715711088 0.0628817314937 123% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.1 14.3799401198 84% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 53.21 48.3550499002 110% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.47 12.5979740519 99% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.94 8.32208582834 95% => OK
difficult_words: 93.0 98.500998004 94% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 11.1389221557 83% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 11.9071856287 67% => The average readability is low. Need to imporve the language.
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.