The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of
developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the
nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local
market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended
Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the
highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Finally, a
nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz
entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money."
A group of developers proposes a application for business loan citing their reasons to set up a Jazz music club, 'C Note' in Monroe. The developer's reason that the nearest jazz club being at a distance of 65 miles they might appropriate the monopoly of the jazz music scene of Monroe. The group's ambitious plan and their application for the small business loan should clarify few assumptions that seem unwarranted, or their application might get discarded.
The popularity of Jazz music is based on the fact that 100,000 people attended the Monroe's jazz festival the previous summer, along with the prescence of a motley of prominent jazz players, and a nightly radio program. It is plausible that the crowd statistics cited by the authors that attended the Monroe's jazz festival is a rounded up figure and the actual numbers might vary by a larger margin. It can also be posited that the putatively high turn out of people for the festival was because of the weather and favourable time of event. A pleasant summer day is favourable for such event. Moreover the popularity of the event is based of its coup for only a single year which might be by happenstance. Assessing the reasons cited by the authors for the popularity of jazz music in Monroe, it might be possible that the musicians living in Monroe don't perform for smaller crowds in clubs and rather participate in larger festivals. Without a proper consensus from the musical community it might not be a feasible reason to cite for Jazz music's popularity. The nightly radio show that airs every weeknight has no ratings associated with it, neither does the authors ascribe any appropos ratings to the same.
The Nation wide survey that the authors makes us abreast of states the high expenditures of people on Jazz entertainment. Perhaps, the expenditures on jazz entertainment is below the average in Monroe which is equally likely. The national average spending on jazz entertainment might not be a good indication of the expenditure rates in Monroe as it fails to reflect local variations in Jazz entertainment expenditure. This might lead to the authors to overstep in estimating the turn out from their Jazz club business. The nationwide survey also fails to address the apparent expenditure rates for other musical genres that might be a competition to the jazz entertainment sector.
All in all, the application by the authors look frail. The author's need to bolster their application based on the consensus about Jazz entertaiment received from people and whether the musicians are willing to participate in this endeavour. The authors need to assess the local average of the expenditure on jazz instead of being possibly cozened by the national average figures. If the authors could arrange for the above stated evidences then they could make a cogent case for their appilcation of the small business loan.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 481 350
No. of Characters: 2369 1500
No. of Different Words: 219 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.683 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.925 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.742 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 169 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 132 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 83 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 55 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.05 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.358 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.25 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.337 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.511 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.103 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 32, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
A group of developers proposes a application for business loan citing th...
^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...eir application might get discarded. The popularity of Jazz music is based on th...
^^^
Line 3, column 593, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Moreover,
...ummer day is favourable for such event. Moreover the popularity of the event is based of...
^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 850, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
...ble that the musicians living in Monroe dont perform for smaller crowds in clubs and...
^^^^
Line 5, column 5, Rule ID: NATION_WIDE[1]
Message: Did you mean 'nationwide'?
Suggestion: Nationwide
...ny appropos ratings to the same. The Nation wide survey that the authors makes us abreas...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, if, look, moreover, so, then
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 19.6327345309 87% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 11.1786427146 63% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 28.0 28.8173652695 97% => OK
Preposition: 66.0 55.5748502994 119% => OK
Nominalization: 17.0 16.3942115768 104% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2403.0 2260.96107784 106% => OK
No of words: 480.0 441.139720559 109% => OK
Chars per words: 5.00625 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.68069463864 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.77820057546 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 222.0 204.123752495 109% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.4625 0.468620217663 99% => OK
syllable_count: 748.8 705.55239521 106% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 22.8473053892 105% => OK
Sentence length SD: 45.5032691133 57.8364921388 79% => OK
Chars per sentence: 120.15 119.503703932 101% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.0 23.324526521 103% => OK
Discourse Markers: 1.7 5.70786347227 30% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.330017152947 0.218282227539 151% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.110791981863 0.0743258471296 149% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0763127022306 0.0701772020484 109% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.217489878364 0.128457276422 169% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0853634245501 0.0628817314937 136% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.2 14.3799401198 99% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 47.12 48.3550499002 97% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 12.197005988 104% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.07 12.5979740519 96% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.25 8.32208582834 99% => OK
difficult_words: 104.0 98.500998004 106% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.1389221557 104% => OK
text_standard: 15.0 11.9071856287 126% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.