The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The developers of jazz music club in Monroe wrote in their application that jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise, as typical jazz fan spends close to $1000 per year on jazz entertainment and it is extremely popular in Monroe. However, this application contains some critical flaws.
First, the developer had written that, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe because over 100,000 people attended Monroe’s annual jazz festival last summer. However, it is not proved that the people who attended, are Monroe residents. The attendees might be from another city or from another country as well as it is the annual summer festival. There is no significant evidence that the people attended the festival are from Monroe only or majority, is from Monroe.
Second, the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is ‘Jazz Nightly’ which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. This is not sufficient to avow jazz music as Monroe’s popular music because there is dearth of statistical data. It might happen that most of its listeners are children or any other young music enthusiast; and majority of population must be listening to some other program. So, statistical data is required to prove that jazz music is popular in Monroe.
Third, the application talks about the nationwide study which indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, however, it failed to introduce the numbers. Study revealed the spending of jazz fan, but it might be the case that only 10 of 1000 people are spending money on jazz entertainment. Moreover, the jazz entertainment might be costlier that only few able to afford it. So, again statistical data is required, for how many actually spends for jazz entertainment.
In conclusion, the application has some critical flaws which can be mitigated by providing sufficient statistical data. All the assumptions regarding popularity of jazz music are insignificant to determine the popularity of Jazz music in Monroe
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 4 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 324 350
No. of Characters: 1636 1500
No. of Different Words: 151 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.243 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.049 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.795 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 113 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 86 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 66 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 43 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.6 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.429 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.8 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.393 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.63 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.103 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 7, column 114, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...hat the typical jazz fan spends close to ,000 per year on jazz entertainment, howe...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, but, first, however, if, moreover, regarding, second, so, third, thus, well, in conclusion, as well as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.6327345309 117% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 7.0 12.9520958084 54% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 20.0 28.8173652695 69% => OK
Preposition: 37.0 55.5748502994 67% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 16.3942115768 67% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1694.0 2260.96107784 75% => OK
No of words: 324.0 441.139720559 73% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.22839506173 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.24264068712 4.56307096286 93% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.90397821412 2.78398813304 104% => OK
Unique words: 159.0 204.123752495 78% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.490740740741 0.468620217663 105% => OK
syllable_count: 521.1 705.55239521 74% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 19.7664670659 76% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 55.4757204149 57.8364921388 96% => OK
Chars per sentence: 112.933333333 119.503703932 95% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.6 23.324526521 93% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.46666666667 5.70786347227 131% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.67664670659 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.327018239353 0.218282227539 150% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.114846266924 0.0743258471296 155% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0961489071656 0.0701772020484 137% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.206666029129 0.128457276422 161% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0906434198048 0.0628817314937 144% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.0 14.3799401198 97% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.16 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.05 12.5979740519 104% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.94 8.32208582834 95% => OK
difficult_words: 67.0 98.500998004 68% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 12.3882235529 97% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.