The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
Being ardulous is good but being brash will lead the various cause in the business, Writer pointed out the conclusion of how profitable would be the jazz music club if they launched it in Monroe City and also he given fact like 1) 1Lac people attented the last summer Monroes annual Jazz festival 2) Highest rated radio Program in Monroe is Jazz night which airs every weekend 7pm 3) people spend $1000 per year on Jazz Entertainment - but writer statement having some flaws which needs to be covered.
Firstly, Quatification of research is missing like if someone ask the writer - what if the population of Monroe is 1 Cr? then the result that writer is thinking will be dubious, for instance lets consider that 1 lac people attented the Jazz festival but inside the prompt there is already stated that many jazz artist are living there and if we imagine that among those 1 Lac people 50% where Jazz background people and other are just listner but still we can’t make the conclusion that all the nation is loving jazz, in this case the writer must do some research on ground and come up with the exact quantification of the situation.
Second, The Prompt clearly stated that there are Jazz musicians living in Monroe and the high rated radio program in monroe is Jazz nightly - here a question arrise in the readers mind What if the most listers are jazz player? because there is lack of evidence of how they come up to know on which basis this is high rated and on which year it is being high rated is also not holding the water, for instance in India Akashwani was the only source to know the cricket commentry for the poor people in village because no other source was there back there in 1980’s, Due to this this conclusion of profit make no sense untill we have the explixit information on the facts.
Thirdly, Writer also ellucididated that many people have spended $1000 per year for there entertainment of Jazz, here also the writer not come up with the fact that how much people actually spended that amount and are they Jazz player or non jazz palyer, it might be the jazz player who are spending on this - for that the writer should ask the exact result.
Of Course one should think to enlarge the business but on what ground that also one should know because many businesses lost there hard money due to unclear analysed decision and if writer want to be give the best solution to jazz club than they must analyse all the fact and come up with the exact erudite date of the situation.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 13 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 15 2
No. of Sentences: 7 15
No. of Words: 450 350
No. of Characters: 2015 1500
No. of Different Words: 212 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.606 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.478 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.176 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 129 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 73 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 41 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 19 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 64.286 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 26.015 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.506 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.506 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.183 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 319, Rule ID: CD_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun 'Program' seems to be countable, so consider using: 'programs'.
Suggestion: Programs
...ual Jazz festival 2 Highest rated radio Program in Monroe is Jazz night which airs ever...
^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 63, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'someone' must be used with a third-person verb: 'asks'.
Suggestion: asks
... of research is missing like if someone ask the writer - what if the population of ...
^^^
Line 2, column 121, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Then
...at if the population of Monroe is 1 Cr? then the result that writer is thinking will...
^^^^
Line 2, column 301, Rule ID: MANY_NN_U[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun jazz seems to be uncountable; consider using: 'much jazz', 'a good deal of jazz'.
Suggestion: much jazz; a good deal of jazz
...the prompt there is already stated that many jazz artist are living there and if we imagi...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 502, Rule ID: PROGRESSIVE_VERBS[1]
Message: This verb is normally not used in the progressive form. Try a simple form instead.
...make the conclusion that all the nation is loving jazz, in this case the writer must do s...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 227, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Because
...at if the most listers are jazz player? because there is lack of evidence of how they c...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 553, Rule ID: IN_1990s[2]
Message: The article is probably missing here: 'in the 1980’s'.
Suggestion: in the 1980’s
...se no other source was there back there in 1980’s, Due to this this conclusion of profit ...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 571, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: this
... was there back there in 1980’s, Due to this this conclusion of profit make no sense unti...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 168, Rule ID: MUCH_COUNTABLE[1]
Message: Use 'many' with countable nouns.
Suggestion: many
...iter not come up with the fact that how much people actually spended that amount and...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, first, firstly, if, second, so, still, then, third, thirdly, for instance, of course
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 28.0 19.6327345309 143% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 11.1786427146 134% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 28.0 28.8173652695 97% => OK
Preposition: 47.0 55.5748502994 85% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2046.0 2260.96107784 90% => OK
No of words: 450.0 441.139720559 102% => OK
Chars per words: 4.54666666667 5.12650576532 89% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.6057793516 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.23579457632 2.78398813304 80% => OK
Unique words: 205.0 204.123752495 100% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.455555555556 0.468620217663 97% => OK
syllable_count: 619.2 705.55239521 88% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59920159681 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 1.0 4.96107784431 20% => OK
Article: 1.0 8.76447105788 11% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 7.0 19.7664670659 35% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 64.0 22.8473053892 280% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 133.964814144 57.8364921388 232% => The lengths of sentences changed so frequently.
Chars per sentence: 292.285714286 119.503703932 245% => Less chars_per_sentence wanted.
Words per sentence: 64.2857142857 23.324526521 276% => Less words per sentence wanted.
Discourse Markers: 15.0 5.70786347227 263% => Less transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 9.0 5.25449101796 171% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.67664670659 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.231952558188 0.218282227539 106% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.120041124387 0.0743258471296 162% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0657183514759 0.0701772020484 94% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.142000076838 0.128457276422 111% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0578170199252 0.0628817314937 92% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 32.1 14.3799401198 223% => Automated_readability_index is high.
flesch_reading_ease: 23.44 48.3550499002 48% => Flesch_reading_ease is low.
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 25.9 12.197005988 212% => Flesch kincaid grade is high.
coleman_liau_index: 10.0 12.5979740519 79% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.41 8.32208582834 113% => OK
difficult_words: 74.0 98.500998004 75% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 27.0 12.3882235529 218% => Linsear_write_formula is high.
gunning_fog: 27.6 11.1389221557 248% => Gunning_fog is high.
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.