"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
In this argument, the author claims that the new jazz club, C Note will do great business in Monroe, as there is no jazz club around Monroe and people of this place are fond of jazz music. He has cited a lot of evidence in his support. To support this point of view, the arguer has pointed out that the highest-rated radio in Monroe is “Jazz Nightly”. He has also talked about a nationwide survey to show that a a typical jazz jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. Though the underlying reason sounds good and reasonable, because of a lack of relevant evidence, unaddressed assumptions, and vague terminology, the author’s argument is unsubstantiated and deeply flawed.
First and foremost, author assumes the C Note would have all local market to itself, because the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away from Monroe. However, he has not thought of any reasons that why there is no jazz club in Monroe. There might be chances that someone has opened the club previously but due to only few customers and few earning, it was closed. In addition to this, the nearest 65 miles club may be dominating the local market of Monroe and citizens of Monroe may like to drive the 65 miles and enjoy the facilities of the high reputed club. Hence, author has failed to established relations between his proposed club and C Note club.
Secondly, the author made a hasty generalisation. He simply assumes that over 100000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival and the high-rated radio program is "Jazz Nightly", C Note will automatically make lots of money. The author has nowhere mention about the propotion of native people who attended this festival last summer. There is possibility that this summer festival was attended by the tourist as the summer time is the prime time for the tourists. There might be a chances that people in Monroe are not that rich to pay for these jazz clubs instead they may prefer to listen over radio as author has also mentioned about the radio program which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M.
Finally, the author supported his argument with a nationwide study that indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per years on jazz entertainment. However, if a jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment it does not mean that he will spend money on going to a jazz club. He may buys jazz CD, DVD, and to see live jazz play.
Hence, the argument lacks thorough analysis and reliable statistic. The author should have investigated the actual number of people going to the Jazz club. It would have strengthened the argument.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 453 350
No. of Characters: 2090 1500
No. of Different Words: 209 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.613 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.614 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.472 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 137 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 86 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 56 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 30 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.571 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.984 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.571 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.343 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.556 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.15 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 421, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: a
... about a nationwide survey to show that a a typical jazz jazz fan spends close to ...
^^^
Line 1, column 421, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
... about a nationwide survey to show that a a typical jazz jazz fan spends close t...
^
Line 1, column 421, Rule ID: DT_DT[1]
Message: Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only 'a' or 'a' is left.
Suggestion: a; a
... about a nationwide survey to show that a a typical jazz jazz fan spends close to ...
^^^
Line 1, column 433, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: jazz
...ionwide survey to show that a a typical jazz jazz fan spends close to ,000 per year on ja...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 437, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ide survey to show that a a typical jazz jazz fan spends close to ,000 per year o...
^^
Line 1, column 463, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...a typical jazz jazz fan spends close to ,000 per year on jazz entertainment. Thou...
^^
Line 5, column 255, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: 'mentioned'.
Suggestion: mentioned
...e lots of money. The author has nowhere mention about the propotion of native people wh...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 422, Rule ID: SUMMER_TIME[2]
Message: Use simply 'summer'.
Suggestion: summer
...ival was attended by the tourist as the summer time is the prime time for the tourists. The...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 485, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[1]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'a chance' or simply 'chances'?
Suggestion: a chance; chances
...e time for the tourists. There might be a chances that people in Monroe are not that rich...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 697, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ram which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, the author supported his argume...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 124, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...hat the typical jazz fan spends close to ,000 per years on jazz entertainment. How...
^^
Line 7, column 201, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
.... However, if a jazz fan spends close to ,000 per year on jazz entertainment it do...
^^
Line 7, column 280, Rule ID: ON_GOING[1]
Message: Did you mean 'ongoing'?
Suggestion: ongoing
... does not mean that he will spend money on going to a jazz club. He may buys jazz CD, DV...
^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, hence, however, if, may, second, secondly, so, then, in addition
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 19.6327345309 76% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 12.9520958084 93% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 33.0 28.8173652695 115% => OK
Preposition: 51.0 55.5748502994 92% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2172.0 2260.96107784 96% => OK
No of words: 453.0 441.139720559 103% => OK
Chars per words: 4.79470198675 5.12650576532 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.61343653406 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.67387517434 2.78398813304 96% => OK
Unique words: 216.0 204.123752495 106% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.476821192053 0.468620217663 102% => OK
syllable_count: 653.4 705.55239521 93% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59920159681 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 78.655006198 57.8364921388 136% => OK
Chars per sentence: 108.6 119.503703932 91% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.65 23.324526521 97% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.55 5.70786347227 80% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 13.0 5.25449101796 247% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 8.20758483034 171% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.468593413185 0.218282227539 215% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.150290773347 0.0743258471296 202% => Sentence topic similarity is high.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.131465166859 0.0701772020484 187% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.277283323633 0.128457276422 216% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.122517481227 0.0628817314937 195% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.5 14.3799401198 87% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 66.07 48.3550499002 137% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 12.197005988 78% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.8 12.5979740519 86% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.66 8.32208582834 92% => OK
difficult_words: 84.0 98.500998004 85% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 12.3882235529 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.