Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium — substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument
The results of the study showing the astonishing results, i.e., dairy products do not actually decrease but increase the risk of bone fracture by citing the long term study consisting of large number of people have affected from bone fractures, though they were consuming consistently diet rich in dairy products. However, the argument does not make a cogent case since it is rife with holes and unverified assumptions. Before the argument can be properly evaluated, following three evidences must be collected.
First of all, an evidence is required to validate what many people were saying. In other words, is it viable to rely on what many people has expressed about a diet that is rich in dairy products can prevent bone fractures? For instance, it may happen that maximum number of people among them were not nutritionist or a doctor. They expressed their opinion as a reply to some diet related questions. Further, it may also happen that these people were of old age which made them to submit such a statement since from old times, it is widely accepted that diet full of dairy products can help maintaining strong bones without any validating research by scientist or doctors. If any of the above examples were true, then the argument does not hold the water.
Secondly, had the surveyed people consumed only dairy products? In other words, the study has assumed that the people surveyed for the study has consumed consistently only dairy products that exhibited surprising results. For instance, it may happen that these people might have consumed something else which was in counter reaction to the effects of diet made from dairy products. Therefore, they may have fractured bones. Further, an evidence is required to prove that people who had not consumed any dairy products, had not had any vitamin for maintain their bones. Since it may happen that, though they were abstained from dairy products but they were consuming other vitamins helping them to maintain strong bones. If the above instances hold merit, then the argument is significantly weakened.
Third, an evidence is required to validate that consuming Vitamin D and calcium can offset the effects of osteoporosis due to age. In other words, a scientific study or research which can justify that dairy products can help old age people maintain their bones. For instance, it may happen that due to genetic and environmental factors, the adverse effects of osteoporosis cannot be mitigated even by consuming with dairy products. Further, an evidence is also required to justify that due to increase in age, there are no other factors which can cause bond fractures. For instance, it may likely that due to old age certain disorders such as due to injury in young age might start showing its results on the person and to which dairy products are futile. Unless the study is fully representative, viable, it is not possible to fully support the argument.
In conclusion, the argument as it stands now, is considerably flawed due to its reliance on several unwarranted assumptions. If the study is able to collect above evidences and offer more validation perhaps in the form of research on what other vitamins can help bones, then it will be possible to evaluate the viability of the argument.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 545 350
No. of Characters: 2660 1500
No. of Different Words: 219 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.832 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.881 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.528 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 185 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 146 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 110 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 47 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.708 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.895 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.833 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.329 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.508 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.102 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 591, Rule ID: ADVISE_VBG[5]
Message: The verb 'help' is used with infinitive: 'to maintain' or 'maintain'.
Suggestion: to maintain; maintain
...at diet full of dairy products can help maintaining strong bones without any validating res...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, first, however, if, may, second, secondly, so, then, therefore, third, for instance, in conclusion, such as, first of all, in other words
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 27.0 19.6327345309 138% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 20.0 12.9520958084 154% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 20.0 13.6137724551 147% => OK
Pronoun: 41.0 28.8173652695 142% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 66.0 55.5748502994 119% => OK
Nominalization: 19.0 16.3942115768 116% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2735.0 2260.96107784 121% => OK
No of words: 544.0 441.139720559 123% => OK
Chars per words: 5.02757352941 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.82947280553 4.56307096286 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.6146446502 2.78398813304 94% => OK
Unique words: 227.0 204.123752495 111% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.417279411765 0.468620217663 89% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 863.1 705.55239521 122% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 4.96107784431 181% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 8.0 2.70958083832 295% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 62.6094458395 57.8364921388 108% => OK
Chars per sentence: 113.958333333 119.503703932 95% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.6666666667 23.324526521 97% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.58333333333 5.70786347227 115% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.20758483034 158% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.283394552704 0.218282227539 130% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0876061121358 0.0743258471296 118% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0806824388275 0.0701772020484 115% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.163484028852 0.128457276422 127% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0647422377517 0.0628817314937 103% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.6 14.3799401198 95% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 49.15 48.3550499002 102% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.19 12.5979740519 97% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.95 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 111.0 98.500998004 113% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.