Pirouettes Ballet School is the clear choice for any child. Of all the dance schools in Elmtown, Pirouettes has the most intensive program, and our teachers have danced in the most prestigious ballet companies all over the world. Many of our students have gone on to become professional dancers with top dance companies.
Piroutettes Ballet School claims to be the clear choice of dance school for any child. It offers an argument to support that claim.
The argument mad, however, has a lot of ambiguity in how it's worded, and a number of questions need to answered before the argument, and the recommendation it supports, can be considered reasonable.
The argument claims that the school has the most intensive program of all the dance schools in Elmtown, and therefore students should prefer that school. No mention has been made of any statistics that verify that claim. Who has decided that the school offers the most intensive course? Has a third-party survey of the students in all the schools been conducted, or the curriculum been compared? Until these questions are answered the claim remains specious, and doesn't add much to these recommendations. If the claim is verified, it tells the prospective student that they're going to a school that will be exacting, and then it's upto the student/parents to decide whether that is how they want to learn dance. Or if they'd prefer a looser system, with more freedom to do other things as well.
Moreover, the teachers are also claimed to have danced in the most prestigious ballet companies all over the world. No numbers have been given to back up that claim, however. It hasn't been mentioned exactly how many of the teachers have done so, or even how exactly they determined the 'most prestigious ballet companies' of the world. The claim would still be true if the school has one of its teachers as an ex-dancer in any arbitrary ballet company which the school considers prestigious, without answering those questions. They need to show which survey/rating was used to determine 'the most prestigious ballet companies', and include the number of teachers who have danced in such ballet companies. So, answering those questions by saying they have 5 faculty members from the top 10 dance companies of the world, as determined by Forbes, would serve to make their argument and recommendation much more plausible.
Also, it's been said that many of their students have gone on to become professional dancers with top dance companies. This again begs the question of 'how many' students have been selected, and what metric was used to classify those companies as being at the top.
If the answers to these questions are a half of the last batch of 60 students got placed in the top 15 dance companies in the world, that would help make the argument more complete, the recommendation more appealing, and help a prospective student make an informed choice.
If the company can modify the recommendation by improving it's argument in the ways mentioned, the blurb will become much easier to digest, and likely appeal to a lot more potential dance enthusiasts.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
flaws:
the arguments are not addressed properly.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 475 350
No. of Characters: 2266 1500
No. of Different Words: 208 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.668 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.771 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.588 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 157 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 108 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 80 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 51 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.75 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.421 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.6 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.326 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.534 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.076 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 4, column 40, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... The argument claims that the school has the most intensive program of all the da...
^^
Line 4, column 465, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...nswered the claim remains specious, and doesnt add much to these recommendations. If t...
^^^^^^
Line 4, column 571, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: they're
..., it tells the prospective student that theyre going to a school that will be exacting...
^^^^^^
Line 4, column 706, Rule ID: AFFORD_VB[1]
Message: This verb is used with the infinitive: 'to dance'
Suggestion: to dance
... whether that is how they want to learn dance. Or if theyd prefer a looser system, wi...
^^^^^
Line 4, column 719, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: they'd
... is how they want to learn dance. Or if theyd prefer a looser system, with more freed...
^^^^^
Line 6, column 179, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: hasn't
...iven to back up that claim, however. It hasnt been mentioned exactly how many of the ...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, however, if, moreover, so, still, then, therefore, third, thus, well
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 19.6327345309 97% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 16.0 13.6137724551 118% => OK
Pronoun: 34.0 28.8173652695 118% => OK
Preposition: 55.0 55.5748502994 99% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2325.0 2260.96107784 103% => OK
No of words: 469.0 441.139720559 106% => OK
Chars per words: 4.95735607676 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.65364457471 4.56307096286 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.75223827738 2.78398813304 99% => OK
Unique words: 212.0 204.123752495 104% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.452025586354 0.468620217663 96% => OK
syllable_count: 690.3 705.55239521 98% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 12.0 1.67365269461 717% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 61.0801727241 57.8364921388 106% => OK
Chars per sentence: 116.25 119.503703932 97% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.45 23.324526521 101% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.7 5.70786347227 65% => OK
Paragraphs: 7.0 5.15768463074 136% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.381476731679 0.218282227539 175% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.130304211773 0.0743258471296 175% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.128347750556 0.0701772020484 183% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.161976414348 0.128457276422 126% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.122811680329 0.0628817314937 195% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.7 14.3799401198 95% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 56.59 48.3550499002 117% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.78 12.5979740519 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.77 8.32208582834 93% => OK
difficult_words: 89.0 98.500998004 90% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Maximum six paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.