"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The prompt above suggests that a recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provide clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The clues were supported by an example that stated that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels. Such a behavior was observed in humans as well were in the first born had relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations. The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring. The above study and supporting evidences are not conclusive enough and a few alternative explanations can cast a doubt on the study that was conducted.
Firstly, there has been a direct comparison between the rhesus monkeys and the humans. Historically, rhesus monkeys and the humans do share a few traits in common. But that does not prove that cortisol creation functions in the same way in humans as it does in the rhesus monkeys. The situations that have been described here are completely paradoxical in nature. Rhesus monkeys produce cortisol when they encounter an unfamiliar monkey, could possibly mean that cortisol is produced in a fight or flight situation in the rhesus monkeys. Whereas, in humans, cortisol is produced in situations, for example, when the parents return after a long absence. Thus, we can infer that in humans, cortisol is produced when he/she sees a loved one after a long period of time. Owing to this difference in stimulating situations, we cannot conclusively believe that the cortisol production in humans and rhesus monkeys works in the same way.
Secondly, there is also a doubt on the timeline as to when was this study conducted and whether it took into consideration the myriad behavioural traits that can affect the monkeys during its lifetime. Moreover, there were eighteen monkeys selected for this study, why not more? Probably the more the number of specimens for the experiment, more deviated the result could be. Eighteen seems to be too small a sample set to conclusively base a study upon.
Additionally, the last line of the argument suggests that during pregnancy, first-time monkeys had higher levels of cortisol. There seems to be incomplete information here. Since the whole study is about rhesus monkeys. Should the reader assume that the monkeys in question here, are rhesus monkeys or some other breed of monkeys. Without specific information, the last line of the study seems to be a bit vague.
The study conducted on the rhesus monkeys seems to have a lot of loopholes in it. There are a few aspects that cast a doubt on the credibility of the study and the way it was performed. Moreover, the last line seems to make this study go astray. Hence, if all the above-mentioned points can be addressed to categorically, then the study becomes much more conclusive.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 26 15
No. of Words: 504 350
No. of Characters: 2469 1500
No. of Different Words: 220 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.738 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.899 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.681 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 181 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 126 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 91 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 57 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.385 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.726 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.321 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.52 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.129 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 678, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: had
...r levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring. The above study and ...
^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 439, Rule ID: MAY_COULD_POSSIBLY[1]
Message: Use simply 'could'.
Suggestion: could
...en they encounter an unfamiliar monkey, could possibly mean that cortisol is produced in a fig...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 752, Rule ID: PERIOD_OF_TIME[1]
Message: Use simply 'period'.
Suggestion: period
...en he/she sees a loved one after a long period of time. Owing to this difference in stimulatin...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 10, column 174, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Since” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...eems to be incomplete information here. Since the whole study is about rhesus monkeys...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, hence, if, moreover, second, secondly, so, then, thus, well, whereas, as to, for example, such as, in the same way
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.6327345309 117% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 21.0 13.6137724551 154% => OK
Pronoun: 30.0 28.8173652695 104% => OK
Preposition: 66.0 55.5748502994 119% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2545.0 2260.96107784 113% => OK
No of words: 503.0 441.139720559 114% => OK
Chars per words: 5.05964214712 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.73578520332 4.56307096286 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.77376526391 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 233.0 204.123752495 114% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.463220675944 0.468620217663 99% => OK
syllable_count: 798.3 705.55239521 113% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 26.0 19.7664670659 132% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 48.3101420251 57.8364921388 84% => OK
Chars per sentence: 97.8846153846 119.503703932 82% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.3461538462 23.324526521 83% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.42307692308 5.70786347227 95% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 13.0 4.67664670659 278% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.428647586008 0.218282227539 196% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.110784511784 0.0743258471296 149% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.121553827672 0.0701772020484 173% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.226828266481 0.128457276422 177% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.143193330899 0.0628817314937 228% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.1 14.3799401198 84% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 52.19 48.3550499002 108% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.07 12.5979740519 96% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.0 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 109.0 98.500998004 111% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.