A recent survey of 250 adults between the ages of 30 and 45 showed an association between the number of hours adults spend online each day and self-reporting of symptoms commonly associated with depression. The survey found that adults who spend 30 hours or more online each week were twice as likely as others to report that they "frequently" had trouble concentrating. Of adults who reported spending more than 30 hours per week online, 20% also reported that they had felt "sad, down, or blue" at least three times within the past month.
These results suggest that spending too much time online is linked with depression, and people who want to improve their well-being should strictly limit the time they spend online.
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
The author's view on recent survey conducted on people spending more time online is directly linked to depression and anxiety is misleading in certain ways. The foremost aspect to which the research/survey portrays a sense of being erroneous is that it is done on 250 adults who are of 30 to 45 years old, most of this aged people are working, settled or are less active online. The most active people are younger teenagers and people below or around 25 years old. The people in the lowered age group are mostly online and are used to the latest trends and complexities involving thus this age group should be considered for the survey the most.
The statement has proper set of examples which try to provide support to the claim like " The survey found that adults who spend 30 hours or more online each week were twice as likely as others to report that the frequently had trouble concentrating ", but not revealing on why they having problem focusing is it that it is more addicting and they have this certain urge to check their account more frequent or they are still thinking about a specific thing. It also might be the case in which the individual would relate to the online world more than the real world, like having no specific identity online would keep him indulged in area where he/she was interested in but the society mocked at the idea of it.
Moreover, the survey fails to provide proper evidences. The statement focuses on reporting of the adults who felt various things after being online but does not mention anywhere that the specific people who feel blue, down and sad used to feel sad before also. It could be a case where the individual is already nervous and then gets on online just to divert his mind. Hence, if the author did provide an example about people who boycott social media and could feel a change would have increased the chances of the statement being appealing and valid which is far better than only giving statistics on the survey keeping the reader in a blind spot and leaving ambiguous feeling upon the conducted survey.
The paragraph would have been more explicit if proper reasoning or support had been provided. Also, that the survey concludes that people should limit time they spend online rather than restrict. Still the survey allows people to spend some amount of time which explains that the above survey is for a toss as even spending some time might lead to depression is what is stated before in the passage.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 435 350
No. of Characters: 2004 1500
No. of Different Words: 217 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.567 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.607 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.201 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 145 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 79 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 51 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 29 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 31.071 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 16.833 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.361 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.566 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.085 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 379, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...ing, settled or are less active online. The most active people are younger teenager...
^^^
Line 1, column 465, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...nd people below or around 25 years old. The people in the lowered age group are mos...
^^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
... considered for the survey the most. The statement has proper set of examples wh...
^^^
Line 3, column 234, Rule ID: HAD_VBP[1]
Message: Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: 'troubled'.
Suggestion: troubled
...thers to report that the frequently had trouble concentrating ', but not revealing...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 256, Rule ID: ALSO_SENT_END[1]
Message: 'Also' is not used at the end of the sentence. Use 'as well' instead.
Suggestion: as well
...e, down and sad used to feel sad before also. It could be a case where the individua...
^^^^
Line 7, column 197, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Still,
...they spend online rather than restrict. Still the survey allows people to spend some ...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, hence, if, moreover, so, still, then, thus
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 28.0 19.6327345309 143% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 18.0 11.1786427146 161% => OK
Relative clauses : 20.0 13.6137724551 147% => OK
Pronoun: 26.0 28.8173652695 90% => OK
Preposition: 49.0 55.5748502994 88% => OK
Nominalization: 4.0 16.3942115768 24% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2050.0 2260.96107784 91% => OK
No of words: 435.0 441.139720559 99% => OK
Chars per words: 4.71264367816 5.12650576532 92% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.56690854021 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.27017284955 2.78398813304 82% => OK
Unique words: 222.0 204.123752495 109% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.510344827586 0.468620217663 109% => OK
syllable_count: 636.3 705.55239521 90% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 13.0 19.7664670659 66% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 33.0 22.8473053892 144% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 110.380568138 57.8364921388 191% => OK
Chars per sentence: 157.692307692 119.503703932 132% => OK
Words per sentence: 33.4615384615 23.324526521 143% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.07692307692 5.70786347227 71% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 4.0 8.20758483034 49% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 9.0 6.88822355289 131% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.67664670659 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.223405015793 0.218282227539 102% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0786713006436 0.0743258471296 106% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.055993772616 0.0701772020484 80% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.133562624712 0.128457276422 104% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.020143752246 0.0628817314937 32% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 17.5 14.3799401198 122% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 46.44 48.3550499002 96% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 15.0 12.197005988 123% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.63 12.5979740519 84% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.36 8.32208582834 100% => OK
difficult_words: 85.0 98.500998004 86% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.0 12.3882235529 105% => OK
gunning_fog: 15.2 11.1389221557 136% => OK
text_standard: 15.0 11.9071856287 126% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 75.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.5 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.