"Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, for the past several decades, food-processing companies have also been adding salicylates to foods as preservatives. This rise in the commercial use of salicylates has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study. Recently, food-processing companies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives for foods. With this new use for salicylates, we can expect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia."
The author of the statement concludes that the increase use of Salicylates in food, which is a member of the same chemical family as aspirin, is a sole reason for the declination of the headaches. The author also claim that the further use of Salicylates as a food preservative will further reduce the number of headaches. The statement is utterly based on dubious and incomplete evidences. Hence, I disagree with the statement for the following reasons.
First of all, the statement does not provide any information about the previous use of Salicytes in the food and the number of headaches reported by the people. Hence, one can not conclude that the Salicytes has reduced the number of headaches. Furthermore, the author does not provide sufficient information about the food products which contain Salicylates. Thus, there might be a chance that people who reported the decrement of number of headaches, do not even eat those food products.
The statement mentions that the headaches reported by the people of the group have been steadily declined in twenty years. However, the statement fails to account any details about the people of the experimental group. The sample group might not be representative of whole population and all the age groups. It may not consist enough people to make the conclusion. Moreover, twenty years is a very long time. People of the experimental group may have changed their habit of living, which may have been result in the decrement of headaches. For example, exercise and healthy food can help to reduce the number of headaches experienced by a person.
Finally, the statement states that the further use of Salicylates as food preservative will further decrease the number of headaches suffered by people. The author can not make predictions.
In conclusion, statement is fundamentally flawed as it stands. The author must provide more buttresses to strengthen the argument. The author must include more statistical data about the sample group. The author also needs to include the more information about the amount of Salicylates used in food products.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 341 350
No. of Characters: 1716 1500
No. of Different Words: 143 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.297 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.032 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.766 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 131 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 92 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 69 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 50 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.238 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.157 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.345 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.542 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.114 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 7, column 1, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Finally,
...of headaches experienced by a person Finally the statement states that the further u...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 187, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ople The author can not make predictions In conclusion statement is fundamentally...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, furthermore, hence, however, may, moreover, so, then, thus, for example, in conclusion, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 9.0 19.6327345309 46% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 12.9520958084 93% => OK
Conjunction : 4.0 11.1786427146 36% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 11.0 28.8173652695 38% => OK
Preposition: 44.0 55.5748502994 79% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 16.3942115768 98% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1734.0 2260.96107784 77% => OK
No of words: 341.0 441.139720559 77% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.08504398827 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.29722995808 4.56307096286 94% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.76586077203 2.78398813304 99% => OK
Unique words: 138.0 204.123752495 68% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.404692082111 0.468620217663 86% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 558.0 705.55239521 79% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 0.0 4.96107784431 0% => OK
Article: 2.0 8.76447105788 23% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 1.0 19.7664670659 5% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 341.0 22.8473053892 1493% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 0.0 57.8364921388 0% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 1734.0 119.503703932 1451% => Less chars_per_sentence wanted.
Words per sentence: 341.0 23.324526521 1462% => Less words per sentence wanted.
Discourse Markers: 127.0 5.70786347227 2225% => Less transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 1.0 8.20758483034 12% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 0.0 6.88822355289 0% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.67664670659 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.262686350122 0.218282227539 120% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.262686350122 0.0743258471296 353% => Sentence topic similarity is high.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0 0.0701772020484 0% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.166759056588 0.128457276422 130% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0781365089901 0.0628817314937 124% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 173.0 14.3799401198 1203% => Automated_readability_index is high.
flesch_reading_ease: -274.64 48.3550499002 -568% => Flesch_reading_ease is low.
smog_index: 0.0 7.1628742515 0% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 136.3 12.197005988 1117% => Flesch kincaid grade is high.
coleman_liau_index: 13.72 12.5979740519 109% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 23.33 8.32208582834 280% => Dale chall readability score is high.
difficult_words: 60.0 98.500998004 61% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 58.0 12.3882235529 468% => Linsear_write_formula is high.
gunning_fog: 138.4 11.1389221557 1242% => Gunning_fog is high.
text_standard: 58.0 11.9071856287 487% => The average readability is very high. Good job!
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.