"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."
In this argument, the director of student housing claims that Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. To support this argument, the author points out current trends of students’ enrollment and average rent for an apartment. However, the argument is flawed in some regards.
Firstly, the author assumes that current trends of increased Buckingham College will maintain in the foreseeable future. However, there are many determinants influencing the number of enrollment students, such as birth rate of the city, movements of the citizens. To strengthen this argument, the author needs to suggest what factors did he use to predict the number of enrollment after 50 years.
Secondly, the writer unfairly relies on the assumption that students will have difficulty in finding affordable apartment due to the increased average rental prices. However, the average rent might not be a proper indicator for the price where most students live. Perhaps the average rent price increased because exceptionally expensive houses for the rich were newly built. Before suggesting evidence indicating the students’ real housing expenses, this argument amounts to little more than conjecture.
Lastly, by stating that attractive new dormitories would appeal to prospective students, the author relies on the unfair assumption that a clean, neat dormitory is a primary factor of a college enrollment decision. Although this might be the case, it is also plausible that other reasons are more important for some students. For instance, the college reputation and prestigious faculty members could be more important reasons. If so, new dormitories would not help to attract new students. Thus, to bolster the his opinion, the author needs to suggest a survey investigating what elements students generally consider when they choose their college and which element is the most critical.
In conclusion, the author’s argument is poorly substantiated and fragile as it stands. To buttress the argument, he needs to suggest all three aforementioned factual evidence.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 316 350
No. of Characters: 1704 1500
No. of Different Words: 174 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.216 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.392 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.76 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 148 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 116 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 74 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 42 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.588 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.371 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.647 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.331 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.579 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.093 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... argument is flawed in some regards. Firstly, the author assumes that current...
^^
Line 3, column 344, Rule ID: USE_TO_VERB[1]
Message: Did you mean 'used'?
Suggestion: used
...or needs to suggest what factors did he use to predict the number of enrollment aft...
^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...number of enrollment after 50 years. Secondly, the writer unfairly relies on ...
^^
Line 7, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...unts to little more than conjecture. Lastly, by stating that attractive new d...
^^
Line 7, column 511, Rule ID: DT_PRP[1]
Message: Possible typo. Did you mean 'the' or 'his'?
Suggestion: the; his
... attract new students. Thus, to bolster the his opinion, the author needs to suggest a ...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...d which element is the most critical. In conclusion, the author's argumen...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, however, if, lastly, second, secondly, so, then, thus, for instance, in conclusion, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 11.0 19.6327345309 56% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 4.0 11.1786427146 36% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 18.0 28.8173652695 62% => OK
Preposition: 32.0 55.5748502994 58% => More preposition wanted.
Nominalization: 20.0 16.3942115768 122% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1771.0 2260.96107784 78% => OK
No of words: 316.0 441.139720559 72% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.60443037975 5.12650576532 109% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.21620550194 4.56307096286 92% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.94657300965 2.78398813304 106% => OK
Unique words: 178.0 204.123752495 87% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.563291139241 0.468620217663 120% => OK
syllable_count: 537.3 705.55239521 76% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.22255489022 189% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 22.8473053892 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 41.3812554727 57.8364921388 72% => OK
Chars per sentence: 104.176470588 119.503703932 87% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.5882352941 23.324526521 80% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.94117647059 5.70786347227 122% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 10.0 6.88822355289 145% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.67664670659 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.196332334981 0.218282227539 90% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0653349626198 0.0743258471296 88% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0709008400399 0.0701772020484 101% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.109094980291 0.128457276422 85% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.071810034685 0.0628817314937 114% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.2 14.3799401198 99% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 44.75 48.3550499002 93% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 15.2 12.5979740519 121% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.33 8.32208582834 112% => OK
difficult_words: 96.0 98.500998004 97% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 11.1389221557 83% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.