There is now evidence that the relaxed pace of life in small towns promotes better health and greater longevity than does the hectic pace of life in big cities. Businesses in the small town of Leeville report fewer days of sick leave taken by individual workers than do businesses in the nearby large city of Masonton. Furthermore, Leeville has only one physician for its one thousand residents, but in Masonton the proportion of physicians to residents is five times as high. Finally, the average age of Leeville residents is significantly higher than that of Masonton residents. These findings suggest that the relaxed pace of life in Leeville allows residents to live longer, healthier lives.
The author of this argument is trying to say that small towns have a better standard of living than big cities.To support this claim the author takes example of the two cities Leeville which is a small town and Masonton which is a big city.He states that workers in Leeville take fewer sick leaves than those in Masonton.To further support his claim he compares the proportion of physicians for both cities.To sum it up he states that the average age of Leeville residents is significantly higher than that of Masonton residents.The author's claim rests on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions ,and is therefore unpersuasive as it stands.
Firstly,the claim that Leeville workers report fewer sick leaves than Masonton does nothing to support the author argument.As it is quite likely that both towns differ in population .lt might be that even if the number of people taking sick leaves in Leeville is less but the ratio of both towns might turn out as same or even more.Since Masonton being a big city may contain large number of people but the ratio of people taking sick leaves is comparable or even less than Leeville.The author should provide us with evidence stating that population is both towns is comparable to strengthen his argument.
Secondly,the author mentions the proportion of physicians in both towns. The fact that Masonton has five times as high physicians than Leeville proves that it has better healthcare than Leeville.Since having less doctors in town does not mean that the town is healthier . This fact inturn proves that the healthcare in Leeville should be improved.
Finally, the fact that average age of Leeville residents is higher than that of Masonton residents is specious with respect to the argument. Since higher age does not translate to high life expectancy and healthier environment. It might be that the residents of Leeville town comprise mostly of retired individuals and senior citizens.The author should provide us with clear statistical evidence explaining the demographic of both towns as well as as data showcasing average age of life expectancy in both towns.
In conclusion, he author's argument is filled with flaws and incomplete and incogent reasons.To make his argument more persuasive , the author should have provided us with evidence of the comparing the number of people taking sick leaves in both towns.The author should also provide us with statistical evidence stating the demographic and the average life expectancy in both towns.Had the author kept the above suggestions and points in mind, his argument would have been bolstered much better with valid facts, evidences or statistics. The argument would also be more convincing and well-reasoned.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 453 350
No. of Characters: 2237 1500
No. of Different Words: 172 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.613 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.938 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.588 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 167 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 112 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 88 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 34.846 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 30.496 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.538 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.368 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.615 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.156 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 112, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: To
...tter standard of living than big cities.To support this claim the author takes exa...
^^
Line 1, column 241, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: He
...l town and Masonton which is a big city.He states that workers in Leeville take fe...
^^
Line 1, column 322, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: To
...ewer sick leaves than those in Masonton.To further support his claim he compares t...
^^
Line 1, column 408, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: To
...roportion of physicians for both cities.To sum it up he states that the average ag...
^^
Line 1, column 530, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: The
... higher than that of Masonton residents.The authors claim rests on a series of unsu...
^^^
Line 1, column 596, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
... a series of unsubstantiated assumptions ,and is therefore unpersuasive as it stan...
^^
Line 4, column 8, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , the
...unpersuasive as it stands. Firstly,the claim that Leeville workers report fewe...
^^^^
Line 4, column 124, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: As
... nothing to support the author argument.As it is quite likely that both towns diff...
^^
Line 4, column 182, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...ely that both towns differ in population .lt might be that even if the number of p...
^^
Line 4, column 333, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Since
...wns might turn out as same or even more.Since Masonton being a big city may contain l...
^^^^^
Line 4, column 484, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: The
...s comparable or even less than Leeville.The author should provide us with evidence ...
^^^
Line 8, column 9, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , the
...strengthen his argument. Secondly,the author mentions the proportion of physi...
^^^^
Line 8, column 196, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Since
... it has better healthcare than Leeville.Since having less doctors in town does not me...
^^^^^
Line 8, column 209, Rule ID: FEWER_LESS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'fewer'? The noun doctors is countable.
Suggestion: fewer
...r healthcare than Leeville.Since having less doctors in town does not mean that the ...
^^^^
Line 8, column 270, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...does not mean that the town is healthier . This fact inturn proves that the health...
^^
Line 11, column 336, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: The
...retired individuals and senior citizens.The author should provide us with clear sta...
^^^
Line 11, column 438, Rule ID: BOTH_AS_WELL_AS[1]
Message: Probable usage error. Use 'and' after 'both'.
Suggestion: and
...xplaining the demographic of both towns as well as as data showcasing average age of life ...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 11, column 446, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: as
...g the demographic of both towns as well as as data showcasing average age of life exp...
^^^^^
Line 15, column 93, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: To
...aws and incomplete and incogent reasons.To make his argument more persuasive , the...
^^
Line 15, column 129, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...ons.To make his argument more persuasive , the author should have provided us with...
^^
Line 15, column 252, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: The
...people taking sick leaves in both towns.The author should also provide us with stat...
^^^
Line 15, column 382, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Had
...e average life expectancy in both towns.Had the author kept the above suggestions a...
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, firstly, if, may, second, secondly, so, then, therefore, well, in conclusion, as well as, with respect to
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 20.0 19.6327345309 102% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 11.1786427146 125% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 36.0 28.8173652695 125% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 55.0 55.5748502994 99% => OK
Nominalization: 17.0 16.3942115768 104% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2297.0 2260.96107784 102% => OK
No of words: 438.0 441.139720559 99% => OK
Chars per words: 5.24429223744 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.57476223824 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.82689178229 2.78398813304 102% => OK
Unique words: 179.0 204.123752495 88% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.408675799087 0.468620217663 87% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 696.6 705.55239521 99% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.22255489022 189% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 10.0 19.7664670659 51% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 43.0 22.8473053892 188% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 222.731879173 57.8364921388 385% => The lengths of sentences changed so frequently.
Chars per sentence: 229.7 119.503703932 192% => OK
Words per sentence: 43.8 23.324526521 188% => OK
Discourse Markers: 13.2 5.70786347227 231% => Less transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 22.0 5.25449101796 419% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.217667857411 0.218282227539 100% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0880961238078 0.0743258471296 119% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0684552781387 0.0701772020484 98% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.136521008608 0.128457276422 106% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0433684166391 0.0628817314937 69% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 25.2 14.3799401198 175% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 27.83 48.3550499002 58% => Flesch_reading_ease is low.
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 20.1 12.197005988 165% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.0 12.5979740519 111% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.83 8.32208582834 106% => OK
difficult_words: 85.0 98.500998004 86% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 54.0 12.3882235529 436% => Linsear_write_formula is high.
gunning_fog: 19.2 11.1389221557 172% => OK
text_standard: 54.0 11.9071856287 454% => The average readability is very high. Good job!
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.