The vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.
"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet inappropriately from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. Installing software on company computers to detect employees' Internet use is the best way to prevent employees from wasting time on the job. It will foster a better work ethic at Climpson and improve our overall profits."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The vice president of Climpson Industries makes a bold claim that internet usage is the main culprit who hampers productivity among its employees. However, the author does not make a cogent case to persuade the president of the company to integrate this recommendation. As it stands now this challenge is rife with assumptions and holes that need evidence to validate its implications.
To begin with, the author needs to provide evidence that collaborate his claim on which most of its employee’s “waste” time using internet exclusively on the computer. Perhaps, employees are using the internet but on their phones which would make this recommendation redundant, because the software only tracks the company’s computers. Maybe, employees do not use the internet at all but “waste” time on other recreational things like talking to each other or taking longer than necessary breaks.
Furthermore, the author needs to provide evidence on how many of its employees use computers. Perhaps, most of its workforce is station in a manufacturing plant? If that is the case this recommendation is quixotic. However, if evidence does show that most of the company’s employees use computer then the claim will bolster. This is an essential piece of evidence that must be displayed.
Lastly, the vice president assures that this software will reduce wasted time by employees and therefore increase profits. However, there is no evidence presented on how much this software costs. It could be the case that this software is much more expensive than what they will save thus exacerbating the issue at hand. Additionally, the author needs to extrapolate verifiable number of quarter profits that can be used as evidence that indeed profits are declining.
All in all, at first glance this may seem like a plausible outcome for the president of the company. However, once he takes a meticulously glance and sees a lack of evidence, he will not show favor to implementing this recommendation to his company. The argument as it stands now is weak and flawed with assumptions that need evidence to bolster its implications. The vice president must provide the evidence that is mention if he or she wishes to sway the president’s vote.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 4 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 362 350
No. of Characters: 1815 1500
No. of Different Words: 176 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.362 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.014 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.823 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 124 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 102 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 76 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 50 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.053 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.266 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.684 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.324 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.549 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.076 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 163, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...ce is station in a manufacturing plant? If that is the case this recommendation is...
^^
Line 9, column 125, Rule ID: A_RB_NN[1]
Message: You used an adverb ('meticulously') instead an adjective, or a noun ('glance') instead of another adjective.
... of the company. However, once he takes a meticulously glance and sees a lack of evidence, he will no...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, furthermore, however, if, lastly, may, so, then, therefore, thus, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 19.6327345309 76% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 12.9520958084 93% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 15.0 13.6137724551 110% => OK
Pronoun: 39.0 28.8173652695 135% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 40.0 55.5748502994 72% => OK
Nominalization: 17.0 16.3942115768 104% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1886.0 2260.96107784 83% => OK
No of words: 362.0 441.139720559 82% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.20994475138 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.36191444098 4.56307096286 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.99387366286 2.78398813304 108% => OK
Unique words: 178.0 204.123752495 87% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.491712707182 0.468620217663 105% => OK
syllable_count: 585.9 705.55239521 83% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 35.1720740396 57.8364921388 61% => OK
Chars per sentence: 99.2631578947 119.503703932 83% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.0526315789 23.324526521 82% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.78947368421 5.70786347227 84% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.213786140485 0.218282227539 98% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0696877609282 0.0743258471296 94% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0557056083895 0.0701772020484 79% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.126501342715 0.128457276422 98% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0343346529769 0.0628817314937 55% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.6 14.3799401198 88% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 52.19 48.3550499002 108% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.94 12.5979740519 103% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.89 8.32208582834 95% => OK
difficult_words: 76.0 98.500998004 77% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.