When Stanley Park first opened, it was the largest, most heavily used public park in town. It is still the largest park, but it is no longer heavily used. Video cameras mounted in the park's parking lots last month revealed the park's drop in popularity: the recordings showed an average of only 50 cars per day. In contrast, tiny Carlton Park in the heart of the business district is visited by more than 150 people on a typical weekday. An obvious difference is that Carlton Park, unlike Stanley Park, provides ample seating. Thus, if Stanley Park is ever to be as popular with our citizens as Carlton Park, the town will obviously need to provide more benches, thereby converting some of the unused open areas into spaces suitable for socializing.
The author of this argument states that Stanley Park should add more benches to increase population of their park . To support this argument ,the author takes considers Carlton Park where number of people visiting the park is much higher than Stanley .Hence in order to make the park more sociable the author suggests than Stanley Park should increase their seating capacity by adding more benches. Nevertheless, on closer scrutiny, it is seen that the argument provides scant evidence that can prove the validity of the recommendation made.
Firstly,the author states that the video camera recordings showed an average of only 50 cars per day to support his assertion of decreasing number of people.This assertion is specious as the author himself suggests than Stanley Park is still the largest park hence it is quite likely that the Park has multiple entrances and the camera was placed at an entrance which is much less populated than others. Since the author does not state the position of video cameras , his assumption is not germane to the matter of decreasing population.
Secondly,the author asserts that Carlton Park albeit smaller than Stanley , is much crowded than Stanley.The author himself states the possible reason of increase , as Carlton lies in the business district of the city it is much easier for people to travel to this park . The author does not provide us with any information regarding the location of Stanley Park , it might be that since it is the largest park it might be located in the outskirts of town and hence people might find Carlton to be more convenient as compared to Stanley.The failure of author to provide us with the whereabouts of Stanley Park weakens his argument.
Last but not the least,the author unfairly assumes that the decrease in people visiting Stanley Park is because of less number of benches. Carlton park which is much crowded than Stanley might be so because of myriad of different factors like a play area of children,a well maintained jogger’s track for adults etc. Also the author does not provide us with information regarding the entry fees if any to both parks. It is quite likely that Carlton Park is cheaper than Stanley because of smaller area.The author should have taken all other factors also into consideration besides adding more benches to increase the population in Stanley Park.
In conclusion, I would say that, the author's argument is filled with flaws and incomplete and incogent reasons.To make his argument more persuasive , the author must provide us with evidence stating the location of camera’s recording the average of 50 cars per day. He should also provide us with the location of Stanley Park and how feasible it is to reach there. Also the author should consider all factors and should just not stick to one while comparing both parks. Had the author kept the above suggestions and points in mind, his argument would have been bolstered much better with valid facts and evidences. The argument would also be more convincing and well-reasoned.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 513 350
No. of Characters: 2487 1500
No. of Different Words: 213 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.759 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.848 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.39 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 192 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 138 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 78 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 34 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 34.2 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 17.581 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.8 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.436 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.64 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.199 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 114, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...hes to increase population of their park . To support this argument ,the author ta...
^^
Line 1, column 141, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...of their park . To support this argument ,the author takes considers Carlton Park ...
^^
Line 1, column 251, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...ing the park is much higher than Stanley .Hence in order to make the park more soc...
^^
Line 1, column 253, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Hence
...g the park is much higher than Stanley .Hence in order to make the park more sociable...
^^^^^
Line 1, column 253, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
...g the park is much higher than Stanley .Hence in order to make the park more sociable...
^^^^^
Line 4, column 8, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , the
...of the recommendation made. Firstly,the author states that the video camera rec...
^^^^
Line 4, column 158, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: This
...ssertion of decreasing number of people.This assertion is specious as the author him...
^^^^
Line 4, column 466, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
... not state the position of video cameras , his assumption is not germane to the ma...
^^
Line 7, column 9, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , the
... of decreasing population. Secondly,the author asserts that Carlton Park albeit...
^^^^
Line 7, column 74, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...Carlton Park albeit smaller than Stanley , is much crowded than Stanley.The author...
^^
Line 7, column 106, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: The
... Stanley , is much crowded than Stanley.The author himself states the possible reas...
^^^
Line 7, column 163, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...f states the possible reason of increase , as Carlton lies in the business distric...
^^
Line 7, column 270, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...easier for people to travel to this park . The author does not provide us with any...
^^
Line 7, column 363, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...n regarding the location of Stanley Park , it might be that since it is the larges...
^^
Line 7, column 538, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: The
... more convenient as compared to Stanley.The failure of author to provide us with th...
^^^
Line 7, column 538, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
... more convenient as compared to Stanley.The failure of author to provide us with th...
^^^
Line 11, column 23, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , the
... argument. Last but not the least,the author unfairly assumes that the decrea...
^^^^
Line 11, column 267, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , a
...ent factors like a play area of children,a well maintained jogger’s track for adul...
^^
Line 11, column 502, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: The
...er than Stanley because of smaller area.The author should have taken all other fact...
^^^
Line 15, column 38, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
... In conclusion, I would say that, the authors argument is filled with flaws and incom...
^^^^^^^
Line 15, column 112, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: To
...aws and incomplete and incogent reasons.To make his argument more persuasive , the...
^^
Line 15, column 148, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...ons.To make his argument more persuasive , the author must provide us with evidenc...
^^
Line 15, column 366, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
... and how feasible it is to reach there. Also the author should consider all factors ...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, besides, but, first, firstly, hence, if, nevertheless, regarding, second, secondly, so, still, well, while, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.6327345309 117% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 38.0 28.8173652695 132% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 64.0 55.5748502994 115% => OK
Nominalization: 25.0 16.3942115768 152% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2556.0 2260.96107784 113% => OK
No of words: 504.0 441.139720559 114% => OK
Chars per words: 5.07142857143 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.73813722054 4.56307096286 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.55864835871 2.78398813304 92% => OK
Unique words: 217.0 204.123752495 106% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.430555555556 0.468620217663 92% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 769.5 705.55239521 109% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 4.96107784431 161% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 31.0 22.8473053892 136% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 97.8373770282 57.8364921388 169% => OK
Chars per sentence: 159.75 119.503703932 134% => OK
Words per sentence: 31.5 23.324526521 135% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.9375 5.70786347227 139% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 23.0 5.25449101796 438% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.20758483034 122% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.271214028504 0.218282227539 124% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.110256468563 0.0743258471296 148% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.100541120381 0.0701772020484 143% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.193428093292 0.128457276422 151% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0773400749475 0.0628817314937 123% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 18.2 14.3799401198 127% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 48.47 48.3550499002 100% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 14.2 12.197005988 116% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.72 12.5979740519 101% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.34 8.32208582834 100% => OK
difficult_words: 101.0 98.500998004 103% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 14.4 11.1389221557 129% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.