The best way for a society to prepare its young people for leadership in government, industry, or other fields is by instilling in them a sense of cooperation, not competition. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim.
In the advent of the 21st century, leadership is no longer aggregated upon one individuals in many countries. Throughout the world, it can be commonly seen for young people to join forces with a variety of fields such as the government and industry. Their preparation for climbing up this hierarchy has never been or more importance. Without a doubt, the argument of whether cooperation or competition can eventually be their mentor in their road to the apex is of high significance. It is my utmost belief that cooperation is truly the way for the younger generation to equip themselves with what it takes to become a leader. In the following paragraphs, I would like to elucidate my position and provide examples to bolster my viewpoint.
First and foremost, game theory, a branch of economics that studies the rationality and behavior of human choice, strongly suggests that cooperative strategies can reap higher rewards in the long run. Take a group of individuals as an example. We can clearly see that when people who are competitive are faced with those that are cooperative, it is reasonable to deduce that the former would gain a higher benefit, usually at the expense of the latter. However, when two individuals that are both competitive are set against each other, due to their aggressive traits, both parties would end up with low payoffs or even be worse off. When we turn our inspection to a situation with two cooperative agents, they would reach a much higher utility than two competitive people could ever dream of as cooperative strategies facilitate each other. Robert Axelrod, a famous researcher that held a tournament of the Prisoner's Dilemma, found that cooperative strategies always score much higher than strategies that are competitive and defective. From his studies and combined with concepts in game theory, we can conclude that in general, making decisions with cooperation in mind can generate greater benefits.
Equally noteworthy is how cooperation can lead to higher marginal productivity. Proponents of the concept that competition can prevail in the long run often argue that due to the scarcity of resources, those who are belligerent and competitive have an upperhand when it comes to fighting for what the society could offer. While there is no doubt that resources in and of itself are scarce, they fail to recognize that resources, when allocated wisely, could expand and bring the society to a higher tier. Consider an example where there is a piece of land where the fertility is limited. If all farmers on this land are competitive, they would see that overgrowing on the land would bring them more revenue in the short run. Nevertheless, the due to an overload in capacity, the fertility of the land will decrease and diminish their profits in the long run. This is often known as the Tragedy of the Commons. If the farmers had been cooperative, they would have seen a better solution as to how they could allocate their resources in order to ensure the longevity of the fertility.
For young people to become great leaders in many sectors of a country, they would be in charge of great resources and face difficult situations involving other leaders. From the aforementioned points, it goes without saying that making cooperative choices in general would more often than not bring individuals to reap higher rewards. Young leaders, with ultimately the "choice" of the welfare or many, should definitely follow suit. The aggregation of cooperation can not only ensure that different cooperative leaders can facilitate each other in the road to success, but also rationally allocate resources as to preserve their intrinsic value, and even expand to accommodate more people. In a nutshell, it is my greatest belief that by instilling a sense of cooperation and not competition in young people, they would be truly equipped to lead the world towards a better Utopia.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 76, Rule ID: ONE_PLURAL[1]
Message: Don't use the numeral 'one' with plural words. Did you mean 'one individual', 'an individual', or simply 'individuals'?
Suggestion: one individual; an individual; individuals
...leadership is no longer aggregated upon one individuals in many countries. Throughout the world...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 1, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Equally,
...ind can generate greater benefits. Equally noteworthy is how cooperation can lead ...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, nevertheless, so, still, while, as to, in general, no doubt, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 27.0 19.5258426966 138% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 26.0 12.4196629213 209% => Less auxiliary verb wanted.
Conjunction : 18.0 14.8657303371 121% => OK
Relative clauses : 28.0 11.3162921348 247% => Less relative clauses wanted (maybe 'which' is over used).
Pronoun: 58.0 33.0505617978 175% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 88.0 58.6224719101 150% => OK
Nominalization: 21.0 12.9106741573 163% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3290.0 2235.4752809 147% => OK
No of words: 647.0 442.535393258 146% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.08500772798 5.05705443957 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.04343084457 4.55969084622 111% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.88868283691 2.79657885939 103% => OK
Unique words: 304.0 215.323595506 141% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.469860896445 0.4932671777 95% => OK
syllable_count: 1039.5 704.065955056 148% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59117977528 101% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 17.0 6.24550561798 272% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 6.0 4.99550561798 120% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 3.10617977528 193% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.77640449438 113% => OK
Preposition: 9.0 4.38483146067 205% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 26.0 20.2370786517 128% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 23.0359550562 104% => OK
Sentence length SD: 54.3539381436 60.3974514979 90% => OK
Chars per sentence: 126.538461538 118.986275619 106% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.8846153846 23.4991977007 106% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.80769230769 5.21951772744 73% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 7.80617977528 26% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 16.0 10.2758426966 156% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 5.13820224719 156% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.83258426966 41% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0852326295879 0.243740707755 35% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0259193995552 0.0831039109588 31% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0363897873306 0.0758088955206 48% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0624404095711 0.150359130593 42% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0393349504732 0.0667264976115 59% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.0 14.1392134831 106% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 47.12 48.8420337079 96% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.92365168539 141% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 12.1743820225 104% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.54 12.1639044944 103% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.78 8.38706741573 105% => OK
difficult_words: 162.0 100.480337079 161% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 11.8971910112 101% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.2143820225 103% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.7820224719 102% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.
It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.
Rates: 16.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.