The luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
People work hard to shine in life. Many people destroy their happiness to discover the unknown, to know more and more, or to achieve more. They are never satisfied with what they attained. However, there is another group of people who like to restrain themselves from a self-devoted industrious persons after they gain their desired wealth and affluence. The prompt states that people from the second category actually fail to establish themselves as austere and self-dependent individuals. I moderately disagree with the statement from the prompt because of two specific reasons.
First of all, it is inarguably true that, people get motivated to take risks to accomplish his desired life when they have sense need of that particular objective. Conversely, when someone finds all his requirements fulfilled, he gradually keeps himself away from all sorts of troubles. Eventually, it inhibits the growth of his intellectual ability and makes him reluctance to accept challenges. Consider the example of Robert Bruce, who conquered his regime after attempting nine times. Bruce was deprived of his comfortable life during that time, stayed in the cave and dreamt to vanquish his enemies from his territory. In each attempt, he tried to identify his faults, rectified them and gained confidence to defeat them. Therefore, the lack of the luxuries and comfortability enabled Bruce to come back strongly. People whey they hound for a luxury life, they become self-inspired and risk takers, which make themselves prepared to fight against the odds.
However, it would be overly generalized to conclude that when a person gets all his needs, he loses his ambition. In fact, it is examined and evident from Maslow's need theory of hierarchy that when people reach the highest level of needs, the esteemed need, he eventually dreams for a bigger position or place. In fact, all those luxuries and comforts make himself feel that he is overpaid and he has to cherish for bigger accomplishments. For instance, Bill Gates is one of the richest persons in the whole world. According to the epitome of the prompt, Bill Gates should surrender his deep-routed spirit long back when he became the top 10 rich persons in his nation. However, it is now known to us, Bill Gates got involved in more charity and fund-raising activities for the poor people. Surely, Bill Gates did not keep himself stopped and self-satisfied after obtaining a luxurious life, rather he became more passionate to utilize his wealth to improve the world. Therefore, when people get a desirable life he hankers after throughout his life, it does not always mean that he will not work for his goals any more, rather, he may get more engaged in his role.
To summarize, lack of comfort and luxury undoubtedly make people ambitionless. On the other hand, when people are overwhelmed with luxuries and conveniences, he may work harder to achieve more.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 296, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'person'?
Suggestion: person
...mselves from a self-devoted industrious persons after they gain their desired wealth an...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 72, Rule ID: ADMIT_ENJOY_VB[1]
Message: This verb is used with the gerund form: 'risks accomplishing'.
Suggestion: risks accomplishing
...true that, people get motivated to take risks to accomplish his desired life when they have sense n...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, conversely, first, however, if, may, second, so, therefore, as to, for instance, in fact, first of all, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 10.0 19.5258426966 51% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.4196629213 64% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 14.8657303371 114% => OK
Relative clauses : 18.0 11.3162921348 159% => OK
Pronoun: 62.0 33.0505617978 188% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 63.0 58.6224719101 107% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 12.9106741573 54% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2438.0 2235.4752809 109% => OK
No of words: 477.0 442.535393258 108% => OK
Chars per words: 5.11111111111 5.05705443957 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.67336384929 4.55969084622 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.75387125686 2.79657885939 98% => OK
Unique words: 263.0 215.323595506 122% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.551362683438 0.4932671777 112% => OK
syllable_count: 753.3 704.065955056 107% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59117977528 101% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 15.0 6.24550561798 240% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 3.0 4.99550561798 60% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 3.10617977528 97% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.77640449438 56% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.38483146067 160% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 20.2370786517 119% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 23.0359550562 82% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 41.1212426517 60.3974514979 68% => OK
Chars per sentence: 101.583333333 118.986275619 85% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.875 23.4991977007 85% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.45833333333 5.21951772744 105% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 7.80617977528 26% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 10.2758426966 117% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 11.0 5.13820224719 214% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.83258426966 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.102843512827 0.243740707755 42% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0369725399531 0.0831039109588 44% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0351353788398 0.0758088955206 46% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0816037860616 0.150359130593 54% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0299500384292 0.0667264976115 45% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.6 14.1392134831 89% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 52.19 48.8420337079 107% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.92365168539 111% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.1743820225 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.36 12.1639044944 102% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.49 8.38706741573 101% => OK
difficult_words: 118.0 100.480337079 117% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 7.0 11.8971910112 59% => Linsear_write_formula is low.
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.2143820225 86% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.7820224719 110% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.