Young people should be encouraged to pursue long-term, realistic goals rather than seek immediate fame and recognition.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.
one would say that young people should be encouraged to pursue long-term, realistic goals. In some respects, it seems true that many people around the world that recognized to date are gained fame by long-term goals. From my perspective, however, encouraging young people to pursue long-term, realistic goals rather than to seek immediate fame should not be applied.
Admittedly, it is undeniable that pursuing long-term, realistic goals is somewhat advantageous. The deed such as studying their realm of studies if one is a student, or practicing sports if one is a athlete. pursuing long-term goals is advantageous because it makes people to work hard relentlessly, since achieving those goals needs lots of effort. thus, it is more likely to succeed than any other types of goals. For instance, many parents in korea tend to send their children to academic schools, which are additional schools that serves educational services after the 'real' school ends. this idea have been incarnated from the thought that "their children should study hard, in order to achieve a long-term, realistic goals". In this case, many parents in korea believe that pursuing long-term, realistic goals is more advantageous to their children.
Yet, this does not necessarily mean that young people should be encouraged to pursue such goals. every human beings should have a right to select and draw their future, and no other individuals can select that. also there are many striking empirical proofs that encouraging to pursue such goals to others can harm one's entire life. one of the most famous ice ballet dancer yuna kim, have actually a experience that she have been forced to study hard when she was young. yuna kim said that she was hurtful at that time, just because of her parents who were willing to choose her own future, and her parents are also regretting their attitude back then. however, changing her parents' idea by herself lead her to live a new life, whatever she wants to. thus, she become a famous ice ballet dancer. In this example, young people should not be encouraged to pursue certain goals, which can forbid the individual's right to select their own future.
The chief reason for my disagreement against this issue lies on the ambiguity of the term 'young people'. if the term refers to the people attending universities or college, the encouragement might be effective, since majority of them have selected their future, and would not change their mind even the encouragement have occurred. even in this case, it is not a good choice in the perspective of moral issues mentioned above. however, if the term refers to the people at the age of teenager or less, it is relatively a risky choice, because they tend not to have any idea about their future, and might have accede their future when it is given. By encouraging them not to seek immediate fame and pursue realistic goals, the total society would become a rigid way. if this occur, most of the young people would study rather than attending creative activities such as video making or arts, which lead to the development of certain realm of the society. thus, the recommendation should not be applied to the society.
To sum up, it is actually a complex issue, and thus any easy answers are present. Despite pursuing long-term, realistic goals is somewhat advantageous in some respects, encouraging young people to pursuing that is not. All in all, it can be concluded that the encouragement in which applies to every individual without careful concern should be banned.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: One
one would say that young people should be e...
^^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...mmediate fame should not be applied. Admittedly, it is undeniable that pursui...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 198, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
...student, or practicing sports if one is a athlete. pursuing long-term goals is ad...
^
Line 5, column 209, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Pursuing
... practicing sports if one is a athlete. pursuing long-term goals is advantageous because...
^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 351, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
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Suggestion: Thus
...eving those goals needs lots of effort. thus, it is more likely to succeed than any ...
^^^^
Line 5, column 592, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
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Suggestion: This
...al services after the real school ends. this idea have been incarnated from the thou...
^^^^
Line 7, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...more advantageous to their children. Yet, this does not necessarily mean that...
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Line 9, column 98, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Every
...uld be encouraged to pursue such goals. every human beings should have a right to sel...
^^^^^
Line 9, column 212, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Also
...d no other individuals can select that. also there are many striking empirical proof...
^^^^
Line 9, column 212, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: also,
...d no other individuals can select that. also there are many striking empirical proof...
^^^^
Line 9, column 275, Rule ID: ALLOW_TO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'pursuing'? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'encourage' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
Suggestion: pursuing
...iking empirical proofs that encouraging to pursue such goals to others can harm ones enti...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 333, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
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Suggestion: One
...ls to others can harm ones entire life. one of the most famous ice ballet dancer yu...
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Line 9, column 398, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
...e ballet dancer yuna kim, have actually a experience that she have been forced to...
^
Line 9, column 471, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Yuna
...orced to study hard when she was young. yuna kim said that she was hurtful at that t...
^^^^
Line 9, column 653, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: However
...so regretting their attitude back then. however, changing her parents idea by herself l...
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Line 11, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ls right to select their own future. The chief reason for my disagreement aga...
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Line 13, column 105, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
...the ambiguity of the term young people. if the term refers to the people attending...
^^
Line 13, column 332, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
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Suggestion: Even
...d even the encouragement have occurred. even in this case, it is not a good choice i...
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Line 13, column 427, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
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Suggestion: However
...ective of moral issues mentioned above. however, if the term refers to the people at th...
^^^^^^^
Line 13, column 608, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Use past participle here: 'acceded'.
Suggestion: acceded
...idea about their future, and might have accede their future when it is given. By encou...
^^^^^^
Line 13, column 765, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
...total society would become a rigid way. if this occur, most of the young people wo...
^^
Line 13, column 952, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Thus
...opment of certain realm of the society. thus, the recommendation should not be appli...
^^^^
Line 15, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...hould not be applied to the society. To sum up, it is actually a complex issu...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, however, if, so, then, thus, for instance, such as, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 31.0 19.5258426966 159% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 18.0 12.4196629213 145% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 14.8657303371 74% => OK
Relative clauses : 22.0 11.3162921348 194% => OK
Pronoun: 59.0 33.0505617978 179% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 70.0 58.6224719101 119% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 12.9106741573 62% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2986.0 2235.4752809 134% => OK
No of words: 591.0 442.535393258 134% => OK
Chars per words: 5.0524534687 5.05705443957 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.93056706295 4.55969084622 108% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.63163035774 2.79657885939 94% => OK
Unique words: 264.0 215.323595506 123% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.446700507614 0.4932671777 91% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 905.4 704.065955056 129% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59117977528 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 6.24550561798 176% => OK
Article: 5.0 4.99550561798 100% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 3.10617977528 193% => OK
Conjunction: 6.0 1.77640449438 338% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 10.0 4.38483146067 228% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 28.0 20.2370786517 138% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 23.0359550562 91% => OK
Sentence length SD: 43.0568412872 60.3974514979 71% => OK
Chars per sentence: 106.642857143 118.986275619 90% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.1071428571 23.4991977007 90% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.75 5.21951772744 53% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.97078651685 101% => OK
Language errors: 23.0 7.80617977528 295% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 10.2758426966 127% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 10.0 5.13820224719 195% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.83258426966 103% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.312994736218 0.243740707755 128% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.101827467194 0.0831039109588 123% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0938833260437 0.0758088955206 124% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.217277185473 0.150359130593 145% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0827724613119 0.0667264976115 124% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.9 14.1392134831 91% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 58.62 48.8420337079 120% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.92365168539 111% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.1743820225 85% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.01 12.1639044944 99% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.59 8.38706741573 90% => OK
difficult_words: 109.0 100.480337079 108% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 11.8971910112 71% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.2143820225 93% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.7820224719 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 54.17 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.25 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.