Do you agree with the following statement? People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment- doing thing they like to do- rather than doing things they should do .
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Nowadays the way the people spend their time has been changed than before. Many people like to spend most of their time for their enjoyment other than more important things that people must consider. In this essay I am going to bring some argues for this kind of behavior and then I am going to say why I agree with the statement.
People who think that is better to spend most of their life time for their own enjoyment usually claim that life is short and it is better to have a fun exciting life rather than doing what is supposed to be done.
In my point of view I think that changes in people life style is because of the changes in technology and communication. In many cases they helped people to ease their life and so think to other needs as in “quality of life”. But unfortunately many people may happened to get confused and pay attention more than usual to their own enjoyment other than to be more responsible and set up targets in life. In my opinion the mass media has affected people in many areas and this is one of them. I think that every particular thing in life has to be put in its own place and no activity should be done extraordinary. Fun and enjoyment are just a part of life and other dimensions of life should always be considered. People should always consider having a better job, educating, helping others, caring about beloved ones feelings and etc. and under this curcumstant they can truly feel that the quality of their life has been approved and reach to the true happiness they deserve. With a lack of any of these dimensions there were always something being missing from humans life.
Sentence: In my point of view I think that changes in people life style is because of the changes in technology and communication.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to people and life
Sentence: But unfortunately many people may happened to get confused and pay attention more than usual to their own enjoyment other than to be more responsible and set up targets in life.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, past participle
Suggestion: Refer to may and happened
Sentence: With a lack of any of these dimensions there were always something being missing from humans life.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to humans and life
Sentence: People should always consider having a better job, educating, helping others, caring about beloved ones feelings and etc. and under this curcumstant they can truly feel that the quality of their life has been approved and reach to the true happiness they deserve.
Error: curcumstant Suggestion: circumstance
flaws:
Number of Paragraphs: 3 5
better to have 4-5 paragraphs:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1
para 3: reason 2
para 4: reason 3 (optional)
para 5: conclusion
or:
para 1: introduction
para 2: idea one.
para 3: however, idea two
para 4: in my opinion...
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 18 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 12 15
No. of Words: 297 350
No. of Characters: 1307 1500
No. of Different Words: 152 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.151 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.401 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.275 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 72 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 45 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 32 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 20 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.75 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.166 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.399 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.533 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.115 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 5