Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment—doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Recently, there has been a ton of debate about whether nowadays people spend most of their time on personal enjoyment. Although some people believe that everyone must have the independence to spend their own life the way they enjoy the most, I believe that along with personal development people must also manage their time on other things, they should do. I firmly believe this way owing to several reasons, and I will elaborate on these in the subsequent paragraphs.
To begin with, I think that, although the internet has opened up a world full of new opportunities, on the other hand, it has made a negative impact on our society, specifically to the youth. Nowadays students spend most of their time surfing the web like social media. Moreover, they get so addicted that it reduces their concentration level and eventually, it adversely affects their study. I have to admit that my opinion on this matter is profoundly influenced by my own experience. You see, my younger brother stood first in his board exam and so, my father gifted him a new mobile phone. But, the consequence was not at all pleasant. He used to spend most of his time playing online games and he got so distracted that he could not pass the half yearly exam and consequently his teacher asked to meet our parents. As a result, my father had to take the decision to take the mobile phone back from him. For this reason, If my brother had better control of himself and stayed focused on his study, my parents would have never gone though such an embarrassing moment of their life.
Secondly, nowadays, due to more and more channels, people spend most of their time watching tv. Drawing from my own experience, my uncle who was spending his retired life, used to spend most of his time sitting in one place. He used to watch almost all the tv serials starting from 8 am to 6 pm. Eventually, he started developing diabetic and the doctor prescribed him to take a walk of at least 1 hour everyday. It is certainly clear that if he had spent his time by doing some physical activities, he would have never been diagnosed with such a deadly disease.
In the light of the above mentioned reasons, I strongly believe that people must utilize their time more productively instead of spending too much time on personal enjoyment.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 409, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...lieve this way owing to several reasons, and I will elaborate on these in the sub...
^^
Line 6, column 51, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...nowadays, due to more and more channels, people spend most of their time watching...
^^
Line 6, column 397, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...rescribed him to take a walk of at least 1 hour everyday. It is certainly clear t...
^^
Line 6, column 406, Rule ID: EVERYDAY_EVERY_DAY[3]
Message: 'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean 'every day'?
Suggestion: every day
... him to take a walk of at least 1 hour everyday. It is certainly clear that if he had s...
^^^^^^^^
Line 6, column 516, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... some physical activities, he would have never been diagnosed with such a deadly ...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, consequently, first, if, moreover, second, secondly, so, at least, i think, as a result, to begin with, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 6.0 15.1003584229 40% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 9.8082437276 82% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 13.8261648746 58% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 9.0 11.0286738351 82% => OK
Pronoun: 64.0 43.0788530466 149% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 53.0 52.1666666667 102% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 8.0752688172 99% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1909.0 1977.66487455 97% => OK
No of words: 405.0 407.700716846 99% => OK
Chars per words: 4.71358024691 4.8611393121 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.48604634366 4.48103885553 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.56099498649 2.67179642975 96% => OK
Unique words: 226.0 212.727598566 106% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.558024691358 0.524837075471 106% => OK
syllable_count: 591.3 618.680645161 96% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 20.0 9.59856630824 208% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 1.0 3.08781362007 32% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 3.51792114695 114% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.86738351254 0% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.94265232975 61% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 20.6003584229 87% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 20.1344086022 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 47.7488284389 48.9658058833 98% => OK
Chars per sentence: 106.055555556 100.406767564 106% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.5 20.6045352989 109% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.33333333333 5.45110844103 135% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.5376344086 90% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 11.8709677419 67% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 3.85842293907 78% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.88709677419 143% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.165546313921 0.236089414692 70% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0478100021904 0.076458572812 63% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0571073202699 0.0737576698707 77% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.11708890954 0.150856017488 78% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0496745951862 0.0645574589148 77% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.0 11.7677419355 102% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 57.61 58.1214874552 99% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 10.1575268817 105% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.33 10.9000537634 95% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.2 8.01818996416 102% => OK
difficult_words: 89.0 86.8835125448 102% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 10.002688172 135% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 10.0537634409 107% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 10.247311828 107% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 76.6666666667 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 23.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.