Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Older teenagers (16-19) should be allowed to work at paid part-time jobs.
Parents have always been trying to prepare their children to be prosperous in the future. Teenagers and especially older teenagers are in a part of life that their performance has a direct influence on their future. In this regard, there is a debate among people on whether older teenagers should be allowed to work at paid part-time jobs or not. In my opinion, parents should allow teenagers to work at paid part-time jobs. That is because they can find their real interest before entering university. Moreover, they can save money and buy some new devices like a cellphone, laptop, camera, and etc. I will elucidate my reasons in detail hereunder.
First of all, it is vital for teenagers to find their real interests before they attend university. Presence in the work atmosphere gives them this opportunity. In other words, by working before they attend college or university, they will choose their major with a better perspective. For example, when I was 18 years old, I asked my father to allow me for part-time working in his company. I worked there for three months as a trainee. I gained huge information about several careers. My father's company was related to the design of electronic boards and working in that atmosphere gradually made me interested in the electronic. In addition, that year, I should have chosen my major in university. Because of my knowledge gained from my working experience, I decided to choose electrical engineering as my major. Not only did I have a great feeling about my major, but also I succeeded to be the top student at university. If I had not worked before university, I wouldn't have approached to such prosperity.
As the second reason, in this range of age, teenagers like to have the last update of various devices. Working at paid part-time jobs is an opportunity for them to accumulate money for buying such devices. My brother's experience illustrates this issue quite well. He is among the older teenagers who love Apple's products. My father bought a phone for him last year but a weak later a new model came to markets. He asked our father to buy that new phone, but my father refused his demand. Therefore, he decided to work at a paid part-time career. After six months, he could collect enough money and bought his favorite phone. Had my father not given authority to him for that part-time work he couldn't have purchased his favorite phone.
To sum up, parents should let their old teenagers work in part-time jobs because they can choose their major at university based on their knowledge gained in the work atmosphere. Also, they can save money on buying their favorite stuff. These are my reasons for why I believe that older teenagers (16-19) should be allowed to work at paid part-time jobs.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 593, Rule ID: AND_ETC[1]
Message: Use simply 'etc.'.
Suggestion: etc.
...vices like a cellphone, laptop, camera, and etc. I will elucidate my reasons in detail h...
^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 968, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: wouldn't
...f I had not worked before university, I wouldnt have approached to such prosperity. ...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 694, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: couldn't
...ority to him for that part-time work he couldnt have purchased his favorite phone. T...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, if, moreover, second, so, therefore, well, for example, in addition, first of all, in my opinion, in other words, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 15.1003584229 93% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 9.8082437276 122% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 13.8261648746 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 11.0286738351 82% => OK
Pronoun: 72.0 43.0788530466 167% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 65.0 52.1666666667 125% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 8.0752688172 87% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2291.0 1977.66487455 116% => OK
No of words: 473.0 407.700716846 116% => OK
Chars per words: 4.84355179704 4.8611393121 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.66353547975 4.48103885553 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.63960240575 2.67179642975 99% => OK
Unique words: 222.0 212.727598566 104% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.469344608879 0.524837075471 89% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 733.5 618.680645161 119% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 21.0 9.59856630824 219% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 0.0 3.08781362007 0% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 3.51792114695 142% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.86738351254 161% => OK
Preposition: 9.0 4.94265232975 182% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 30.0 20.6003584229 146% => OK
Sentence length: 15.0 20.1344086022 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 31.2221431395 48.9658058833 64% => OK
Chars per sentence: 76.3666666667 100.406767564 76% => OK
Words per sentence: 15.7666666667 20.6045352989 77% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.7 5.45110844103 86% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.5376344086 54% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 20.0 11.8709677419 168% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 3.85842293907 52% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.88709677419 164% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.289942928752 0.236089414692 123% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0902815325133 0.076458572812 118% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.127257570839 0.0737576698707 173% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.223093014334 0.150856017488 148% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0955750280371 0.0645574589148 148% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 9.3 11.7677419355 79% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 56.25 58.1214874552 97% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.1 10.1575268817 90% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.5 10.9000537634 96% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.42 8.01818996416 93% => OK
difficult_words: 91.0 86.8835125448 105% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 7.5 10.002688172 75% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.0 10.0537634409 80% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 10.247311828 78% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.