A primary (elementary) school is considering increasing the amount of time it spends educating its young students about technology (for example, computers). To do so, it would decrease the amount of time it spends educating the students about music and art. Do you agree with the idea of young students (ages 5-11) spending less time in school learning about music and art in order to spend more time learning about technology? Why or why not?
With the advant of a various amount of science technology, our modern life becomes inscreasingly convenient and more comfortable. The prevalent phenomenon gives rise to an interesting discussion: should young students who are at the ages of 5-11 spend more time on technology learning at the sacrifice of the decline of music and art learning? As far as I am concerned, while it might occupy the art learning time, it is still beneficial for young children to learn more about technology. Firstly, learning technology is more conducive to the children's future career development as well as to their academic achievements. On the one hand, technology has contributed a lot to our society and its significant impact on our life can never be neglected. For example, we can use iphones due to the development of communication technology and manafacturing. Also, the city transportation system and other facilities are also closely related with the modern technology. So children are bound to learn technology in the youth, which can lay a great foundation for their career path. On the other hand, technology is also import in acadmic area. In the most of subject, such as mathematics, computer science, and many other disciplines, technology are playing an increasing important role in the development of those subjects. Furthermore, it is essential for young children to learn technology as the modern life are saturated with such technological applications. Without basical understanding of technology, children would find it difficult adapting to modern life. For instance, if one child has no knowledge of how Wechat, Weibo and other social media function and how he can use them, then he will lose a lot of opportunies to keep track of what is happening around the globe. Nevertheless, some people may claim that music and art are also crucial for the young and being exposed to technology at a too early age will negatively impact on them, I will not comprimise because of such concerns. Although music and art learning are critical, I do not mean that children who learn technology can not learn art efficiently, because sometimes, children can use the technology to better study the art. For instance, they can learn music and art in online courses, saving a large amount of time to commute. In addition, negative influence can be avoided if parents provide proper guidence.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1114, Rule ID: BEEN_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Consider using a past participle here: 'imported'.
Suggestion: imported
.... On the other hand, technology is also import in acadmic area. In the most of subject...
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Line 1, column 1319, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...e in the development of those subjects. Furthermore, it is essential for young c...
^^^
Line 1, column 1577, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...t adapting to modern life. For instance, if one child has no knowledge of how Wec...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, furthermore, if, may, nevertheless, so, still, then, well, while, as to, for example, for instance, in addition, such as, as well as, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 15.1003584229 99% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 9.8082437276 153% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 13.8261648746 87% => OK
Relative clauses : 5.0 11.0286738351 45% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 22.0 43.0788530466 51% => OK
Preposition: 47.0 52.1666666667 90% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 8.0752688172 173% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1991.0 1977.66487455 101% => OK
No of words: 389.0 407.700716846 95% => OK
Chars per words: 5.11825192802 4.8611393121 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.44106776838 4.48103885553 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.04066712817 2.67179642975 114% => OK
Unique words: 203.0 212.727598566 95% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.521850899743 0.524837075471 99% => OK
syllable_count: 638.1 618.680645161 103% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 9.59856630824 73% => OK
Article: 2.0 3.08781362007 65% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 3.51792114695 142% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.94265232975 121% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 20.6003584229 83% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 22.0 20.1344086022 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 47.2421429362 48.9658058833 96% => OK
Chars per sentence: 117.117647059 100.406767564 117% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.8823529412 20.6045352989 111% => OK
Discourse Markers: 10.4705882353 5.45110844103 192% => OK
Paragraphs: 1.0 4.53405017921 22% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 3.0 5.5376344086 54% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 11.8709677419 67% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 3.85842293907 130% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.88709677419 82% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.199595567034 0.236089414692 85% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0627243559112 0.076458572812 82% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.051310748006 0.0737576698707 70% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.199595567034 0.150856017488 132% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0 0.0645574589148 0% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.1 11.7677419355 120% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 49.15 58.1214874552 85% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 6.10430107527 183% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 10.1575268817 117% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.71 10.9000537634 117% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.67 8.01818996416 108% => OK
difficult_words: 97.0 86.8835125448 112% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 15.5 10.002688172 155% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 10.0537634409 107% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 10.247311828 107% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Minimum four paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.