In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

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In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

Having a job is the main purpose of many people in their lives; but, what about the teenagers? Everyone will answer this question based on his/her own characters, emotional concerns or personal experience. Since a logical response requires an accurate analyses from both sides, I claim that students should be allowed to have a job; thus, I present the following justifications.

The first and the most significant reason that we must consider is that by having a job during school, students can make money in order to become independent, while even critics can't raise question on this point. Even if their family can proper sufficient financial aid, students can feel independence by the money that they obtain from their job. For instance, I got a job in an English-book store during my high school in Gonbad-City and I could make enough money for buying new shirts and shoes. So, I didn't need to ask my parents for cash and this was the first step for me to become independent.

Another noteworthy aspect that should be addressed in this ongoing explanation is that students can learn many things while they are working. Learning is the most important goal for students and underestimating these opportunities while they are working will deprive them from a perfect source for learning. For instance, when I was working in the book store I could meet English men or people who were interested in English. Therefore, it was a great situation for to improve my speaking in English with talking to these people, meanwhile learning English just through the books in school was impossible.

Admittedly, working during school will consume considerable amount of time, and we shouldn't be unaware of this point. Depending on the type of the work, students have to assign some times for their works, consequently they may have less time for studying. However, I believe that students can make a balance between their works and their school and if they achieve this balance, they will enjoy both work and school, just as I did.

To sum up, I don't deny that working will consume time from students, but taking all the factors into account and careful analyzing all aspects, I assert that working during schools is a perfect idea due to mentioned justifications.

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it was a great situation for to improve my speaking
it was a great situation for me to improve my speaking

Sentence: Even if their family can proper sufficient financial aid, students can feel independence by the money that they obtain from their job.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to can and proper

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 384 350
No. of Characters: 1832 1500
No. of Different Words: 203 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.427 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.771 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.619 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 131 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 96 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 57 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 32 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.6 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.581 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.867 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.344 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.606 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.134 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5