Some young people have free time in the evenings after school or on days off from school. Which of the
following activities would be most beneficial for young people (ages 14-18) to do in their spare time?
Why?
- Gaining practical work experience either at a part time job or by volunteering in the community
-Learning to play a sport
- Learning to play a musical instrument
We are living in a sophisticated age which leisure time plays a significant role in individual’s life. People are always trying to make their lives more convenient, delightful and purposeful. Some people believe that young people having 14-18 years old should learn to play a sport or a musical instrument, while others are convinced that these children should take a part time job or participate in a volunteer work. After carefully pondering it from several aspects, I strongly agree with the latter idea. There are some reasons, the most outstanding of which will be discussed in the ensuing paragraphs.
First of all, undoubtedly, experience is a significant as well as fundamental parts of people’ life. Gaining knowledge through practical works expand young people’s horizon and also they are able to obtain better insight about their future. As a matter of fact, they are supposed to attend the society in the near future which participating in these programs bring them several lucrative consequences. For example, they learn how to manage their issues, how to collaborate with their friends and also how to follow something to get a suitable result. To illustrate this fact, on only needs to refer to the number of prosperous people participating in these programs in order to gain valuable experiences. Although participating in these program may take their time, what results from doing these works are to increase their ability to take the responsibility of what they do. The noteworthy intelligible results, which conducted in our country, show that the high percentage of students taking part time job, are one who could find a decent job in the future due to having precious experience.
The second reason why I agree with it is that, obviously, taking part time job provides an opportunity for the young students who are in this epoch to accumulate a hoard of money. The money obtained by taking part time job enables student to pay their way. Since, some parents cannot afford to enroll their children in a great school, they are able to go to the best schools to follow their goals by the obtained money from taking part time job. Furthermore, this job may allow them to continue their study at abroad because oversea universities are prestigious that after graduation they will be an experienced and knowledgeable person. Hence, if I were to be a determiner in our government, I would have established a center to provide part time job for students who are in this period. In addition to aforementioned notes, there is a well-known proverb in Persian, the equivalent of which in English may sound like this” the more you gain money by taking part time job, the more you would make your future better and successful”.
To make a long story short, no one can deny the enormous positive effect of taking part time job or participating in a volunteer’s work. Not only are students in this epoch able to enhance their knowledge and experience, but also they could save money for what they have in their mind. For this reason, I highly recommended that every student experience these programs even for one time.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 374, Rule ID: EN_COMPOUNDS
Message: This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Suggestion: part-time
...inced that these children should take a part time job or participate in a volunteer work....
^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 1005, Rule ID: EN_COMPOUNDS
Message: This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Suggestion: part-time
... the high percentage of students taking part time job, are one who could find a decent jo...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 66, Rule ID: EN_COMPOUNDS
Message: This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Suggestion: part-time
...gree with it is that, obviously, taking part time job provides an opportunity for the you...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 180, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...s epoch to accumulate a hoard of money. The money obtained by taking part time job ...
^^^
Line 3, column 209, Rule ID: EN_COMPOUNDS
Message: This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Suggestion: part-time
... of money. The money obtained by taking part time job enables student to pay their way. S...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 431, Rule ID: EN_COMPOUNDS
Message: This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Suggestion: part-time
...goals by the obtained money from taking part time job. Furthermore, this job may allow th...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 738, Rule ID: EN_COMPOUNDS
Message: This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Suggestion: part-time
...ld have established a center to provide part time job for students who are in this period...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 963, Rule ID: EN_COMPOUNDS
Message: This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Suggestion: part-time
...apos; the more you gain money by taking part time job, the more you would make your futur...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 84, Rule ID: EN_COMPOUNDS
Message: This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Suggestion: part-time
... the enormous positive effect of taking part time job or participating in a volunteer&apo...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, furthermore, hence, if, may, second, so, well, while, for example, in addition, as a matter of fact, as well as, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 20.0 15.1003584229 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 9.8082437276 133% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 13.8261648746 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 11.0286738351 127% => OK
Pronoun: 54.0 43.0788530466 125% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 74.0 52.1666666667 142% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 8.0752688172 111% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2634.0 1977.66487455 133% => OK
No of words: 526.0 407.700716846 129% => OK
Chars per words: 5.00760456274 4.8611393121 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.78901763229 4.48103885553 107% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.92230493361 2.67179642975 109% => OK
Unique words: 263.0 212.727598566 124% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.5 0.524837075471 95% => OK
syllable_count: 833.4 618.680645161 135% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 9.59856630824 83% => OK
Article: 7.0 3.08781362007 227% => Less articles wanted as sentence beginning.
Subordination: 5.0 3.51792114695 142% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.94265232975 101% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 20.6003584229 102% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 20.1344086022 124% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 47.4722021537 48.9658058833 97% => OK
Chars per sentence: 125.428571429 100.406767564 125% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.0476190476 20.6045352989 122% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.80952380952 5.45110844103 125% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 9.0 5.5376344086 163% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 18.0 11.8709677419 152% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 3.85842293907 26% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.88709677419 41% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.297087677988 0.236089414692 126% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0915912180473 0.076458572812 120% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0452551604455 0.0737576698707 61% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.192217602424 0.150856017488 127% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0464705636697 0.0645574589148 72% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.7 11.7677419355 125% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 46.1 58.1214874552 79% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 10.1575268817 128% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.07 10.9000537634 111% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.45 8.01818996416 105% => OK
difficult_words: 119.0 86.8835125448 137% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 10.002688172 110% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 10.0537634409 119% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 10.247311828 127% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.