In their free time, young people (age 14-18) spend time taking part in different activities such as music lessons or competitive sports. Some young people diverse their time in other kinds of activities. But other young people will spend most of their time focusing on just one activity that is important for them. Which approach do you think is better?
Undoubtedly, we have a valuable freetime in ages between 14 and 18, since the youth do not have a big resposibilty to take care of others just they should have focus on their personal abilities. While some people try to want their kids to focus on one activity in this period od time, others think it is better that adolescents learn divers range of skills. In my opinion the later attitude wiegh than the earlier. In the following essay, I will elaborate on my reasons.
First, learning a wide range of skills helps the youth enlist both their brains' hemispheres which is a critical development step in their lives. Some activities like arts, motivate one side of childrens' brain, namely in right-handed people left hemisphere. Other activities such as sports influence other hemisphere. Therefore, ingaging with different tasks challanges kids with more motivating impetuses, which is pretty useful to improve their poroductivity and efficiency in their development. To put this into prespective, I recently read an academic paper in psychology which discusses this in details. The data showed that children ability to learn somehow sophisticated skills and abilities in college is directly related to their education in highschool. They infered that students who took part in different extracuricullar programs and learned them work better in some intelectuall challenges in test, rather then students that just learned one skill. This results offered that children should invovled with a lot of activities to benefits more.
Second, the more skills children learn at this ages, the more chance to discover thier talent. It means that if teenagers try different activities, they will learn more lessons in different fields through which they may find one or more intersting topics. Some young people may have a different tendancy toward different fields in specific ages. As a resualt if they have chance to try many fields in activities, thay may find one of them intriguing and choose that as their main field to follow. For example, when I was at highschool, I tried karate and palying recorder flut which it was fascinating to me; but at the jonior year I got familiar playing chess which mesmerized me. After that year, I practiced chess a lot, learned that in a professional level from a teacher. It led me to participate in a championship whcih gacvce me a confidence. At university, I won a medalion for champion between Ivy league colleges. Had I not tried different fields, I would not have known my talent in chess.
All in all, I strongly believe that children should learn multiple fields. This is because they will find more benefit ingaging a diverse activities which stimulates their both brains' hemisphere, and because it gives them more chance to discover their talents and show their aptitude.
Grammar and spelling errors:
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Suggestion:
... efficiency in their development. To put this into prespective, I recently read a...
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Message: Did you mean 'than'? 'than' is used for comparisons, 'then' is an expression of time.
Suggestion: than
...intelectuall challenges in test, rather then students that just learned one skill. ...
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...challenges in test, rather then students that just learned one skill. This result...
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... a lot of activities to benefits more. Second, the more skills children learn a...
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Suggestion: these
...cond, the more skills children learn at this ages, the more chance to discover thier...
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...ld not have known my talent in chess. All in all, I strongly believe that chil...
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Suggestion: activity
...ll find more benefit ingaging a diverse activities which stimulates their both brains hem...
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...e activities which stimulates their both brains hemisphere, and because it gives ...
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Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, if, may, second, so, then, therefore, while, for example, such as, in my opinion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 7.0 15.1003584229 46% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 9.8082437276 102% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 13.8261648746 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 19.0 11.0286738351 172% => OK
Pronoun: 59.0 43.0788530466 137% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 60.0 52.1666666667 115% => OK
Nominalization: 5.0 8.0752688172 62% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2364.0 1977.66487455 120% => OK
No of words: 463.0 407.700716846 114% => OK
Chars per words: 5.10583153348 4.8611393121 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.63868890866 4.48103885553 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.80556151299 2.67179642975 105% => OK
Unique words: 253.0 212.727598566 119% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.546436285097 0.524837075471 104% => OK
syllable_count: 725.4 618.680645161 117% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 14.0 9.59856630824 146% => OK
Article: 3.0 3.08781362007 97% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 3.51792114695 142% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.86738351254 107% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.94265232975 121% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 20.6003584229 112% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 20.1344086022 99% => OK
Sentence length SD: 49.8491865417 48.9658058833 102% => OK
Chars per sentence: 102.782608696 100.406767564 102% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.1304347826 20.6045352989 98% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.0 5.45110844103 73% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.5376344086 144% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 16.0 11.8709677419 135% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 0.0 3.85842293907 0% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.88709677419 143% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.232509211153 0.236089414692 98% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0612869029858 0.076458572812 80% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0707488330782 0.0737576698707 96% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.14717945098 0.150856017488 98% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0549575580163 0.0645574589148 85% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.7 11.7677419355 108% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 51.18 58.1214874552 88% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 10.1575268817 109% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.36 10.9000537634 113% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.41 8.01818996416 105% => OK
difficult_words: 111.0 86.8835125448 128% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 10.002688172 115% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 10.0537634409 99% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 10.247311828 117% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 83.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 25.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.