TOPIC: Imagine that you plan to donate money to charity to help people in need. If you could give money to
only one type of charitable organization, which one of the following would you choose and why?
- An organization that provides food and housing to people in need
- An organization that gives people money to start their own small business
- An organization that provides medical care to people in need
Human beings are members of a whole, created from one essence and soul. That is a poem from one of the most famous Persian poets, Sa'adi, which states that all people are created the same, and if one person is in a poor condition, all other humans are in the same condition. That is why we have a solemn obligation to help other people who are in need. The important question that arises regarding this issue is how we should help the people in need. Should we provide them with the food, housing, free medical care; or we should help them to start their own small businesses? I firmly believe helping needy people to start their own business is more beneficial, and it what follows, I will elaborate on the most important reasons.
The first reason is that I deeply believe instead of giving fish to people in need, we have to help them do the fishing on their own. If you provide food and housing for needy people, while they do not have a decent job, they will not be able to start living on their own. I believe there are people who are intelligent and motivated, but they do not have enough money to start their own business. By giving money to these people, they will be able to provide food and housing for their family, and they will help other poor people by providing them job opportunities. There was a man who lived in our neighborhood, and did not have anything in his life. He lived with his wife and his two little girls, in a very old house. The people in the neighborhood decided to give him some money, to help him start his own business. He started by fixing other people's shoes in the street, and after several years, through hard work and perseverance, he now has his own shop, which is small, but has a very good income.
Furthermore, by providing housing, food, or medical care for people in need, we will make them more dependent, and they will lose their will to work and live on their own. I believe they will think that other people will give them something to eat, someplace to spend their night in, eventually. In this way, we will help them survive, but they will be in the same condition for the rest of their lives. Their children will not have a proper education, which is an essential need in today's world, and it is obvious that without having a good education, and without having money to start a career, their children will not be able to have a decent job in the future, and consequently, next generations of poor people will be produced.
To make a long story short, I firmly believe that instead of providing housing, food or medical care for the poor people, we should help them to start their own business. Not only will it help them to survive, it will help them stand on their own feet and prosper in life. I believe by providing food and other similar helps, future generations of poor people will be produced.
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, consequently, first, furthermore, if, regarding, so, while
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 22.0 15.1003584229 146% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 26.0 9.8082437276 265% => Less auxiliary verb wanted.
Conjunction : 24.0 13.8261648746 174% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 11.0286738351 127% => OK
Pronoun: 74.0 43.0788530466 172% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 62.0 52.1666666667 119% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 8.0752688172 111% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2341.0 1977.66487455 118% => OK
No of words: 525.0 407.700716846 129% => OK
Chars per words: 4.45904761905 4.8611393121 92% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.78673985869 4.48103885553 107% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.31469406548 2.67179642975 87% => OK
Unique words: 205.0 212.727598566 96% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.390476190476 0.524837075471 74% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 713.7 618.680645161 115% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.51630824373 92% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 20.0 9.59856630824 208% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 3.0 3.08781362007 97% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 3.51792114695 57% => OK
Conjunction: 14.0 1.86738351254 750% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 7.0 4.94265232975 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 20.6003584229 102% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 20.1344086022 124% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 57.1627743067 48.9658058833 117% => OK
Chars per sentence: 111.476190476 100.406767564 111% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.0 20.6045352989 121% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.0 5.45110844103 55% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 0.0 5.5376344086 0% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 11.8709677419 118% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 3.85842293907 104% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.88709677419 61% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.159152281912 0.236089414692 67% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0621029920154 0.076458572812 81% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.03726306775 0.0737576698707 51% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.10884822443 0.150856017488 72% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0368773330521 0.0645574589148 57% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.1 11.7677419355 103% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 63.02 58.1214874552 108% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 10.1575268817 105% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 8.88 10.9000537634 81% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 6.86 8.01818996416 86% => OK
difficult_words: 66.0 86.8835125448 76% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 10.002688172 90% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 10.0537634409 119% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 10.247311828 88% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.