You have received a gift of money. The money is enough to buy either a piece of jewelry you like or tickets to a concert you want to attend. Which would you buy? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer

If I gain enough money for either a piece of jewelry or a concert ticket which I wanted for a long time, I would prefer take the latter one as the optimal option. I will elaborate several reason to illustrate my decision as follow.

Admittedly, someone would hold the view that jewelry might be a better choice because it is tangible and precious and is able to preserve. However, due to the preference of music, although the music during the concert cannot to be preserved just as jewelry, I am likely to attain the beautiful sound of different instruments in my deep memory. It is just like some professional musician's words, good music never fades. So, from the preservation aspect, tickets is identical with jewelry, more radically, for people who are fond of music, concert might preserve longer than jewelry

Also another reason why I consider a concert ticket a better choice is that I was talented in piano, and interested in classical music accordingly. The ideal future career for me is to be a pianist after I graduate from National Music College in two years, the most prestigious musical universities in China. Currently, after attending the concert, the rhythm of the music might inspire me to compose my own rhythm which is required by my final test of the Music Composition course. Therefore, compared with the jewelry, the intangible but meanful tickets is more essential for me.

Furthermore, music is a kind of enjoyment which can gender people to be enthusiatic. In contrast, jewelry won't give individual motivation and comfort their mood in some aspects. Take my cousin, Emily, as an example. Once she broke up with her boyfriend and felt upset for a long while, witnessing her pessimetic attitude towards everything around her, I decided to invite her participate in a famous Beethoven's symphony concert which is an incentive for many people to energetic then. After listening to the enthusiastic music, Emily found herself a lot of more useful things to do but being frustrating. Indeed, music is a perfect medicine to cure the emotional injury and get rid of negative attitudes.

All in all, due to the presevation, my interest, talent and emotional cure afforded by the concert, if I have got to choose one from two, I absolutely choose the ticket.

Votes
Average: 9 (3 votes)
Essay Categories

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 181, Rule ID: MANY_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun reason seems to be countable; consider using: 'several reasons'.
Suggestion: several reasons
...as the optimal option. I will elaborate several reason to illustrate my decision as follow. ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 222, Rule ID: AS_FOLLOW[1]
Message: Did you mean 'as follows'?
Suggestion: as follows
...everal reason to illustrate my decision as follow. Admittedly, someone would hold the ...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
...t might preserve longer than jewelry Also another reason why I consider a concert...
^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
accordingly, also, but, furthermore, however, if, so, then, therefore, thus, while, in contrast, kind of

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 15.1003584229 119% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 9.8082437276 82% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 13.8261648746 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 7.0 11.0286738351 63% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 31.0 43.0788530466 72% => OK
Preposition: 48.0 52.1666666667 92% => OK
Nominalization: 6.0 8.0752688172 74% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1903.0 1977.66487455 96% => OK
No of words: 385.0 407.700716846 94% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.94285714286 4.8611393121 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.4296068528 4.48103885553 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.78858720262 2.67179642975 104% => OK
Unique words: 222.0 212.727598566 104% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.576623376623 0.524837075471 110% => OK
syllable_count: 624.6 618.680645161 101% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 9.59856630824 73% => OK
Article: 4.0 3.08781362007 130% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 3.51792114695 171% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.94265232975 81% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 20.6003584229 78% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 24.0 20.1344086022 119% => OK
Sentence length SD: 71.7369053817 48.9658058833 147% => OK
Chars per sentence: 118.9375 100.406767564 118% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.0625 20.6045352989 117% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.5 5.45110844103 119% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.53405017921 110% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.5376344086 54% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 11.8709677419 93% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 3.85842293907 52% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.88709677419 61% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.117490574284 0.236089414692 50% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0385190350763 0.076458572812 50% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0481869024817 0.0737576698707 65% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0795529973002 0.150856017488 53% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.058247921589 0.0645574589148 90% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.9 11.7677419355 118% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 47.12 58.1214874552 81% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 10.1575268817 125% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.67 10.9000537634 107% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.09 8.01818996416 113% => OK
difficult_words: 104.0 86.8835125448 120% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.0 10.002688172 130% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 10.0537634409 115% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 10.247311828 127% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Rates: 90.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 27.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.