The following appeared in a memo from New Ventures Consulting to the president of HobCo, Inc., a chain of hobby shops. "Our team has completed its research on suitable building sites for a new HobCo hobby Shop in the city of Grilldon. We discovered that there are currently no hobby shops in southeastern Grilldon. When our researchers conducted a poll of area residents, 88 percent of those who responded indicated that they would welcome the opening of a hobby shop in southeastern Grilldon. Grilldon is in a region of the nation in which the hobby business has increased by 300 percent during the past decade. In addition, Grilldon has a very large population of retirees, a demographic with ample time to devote to hobbies. We therefore recommend that you choose southeastern Grilldon as the site for your next HobCo Hobby Shop. We predict that a shop in this area will draw a steady stream of enthusiastic new HobCo customers."
The author claims that a new hobby shop will be a success in southeastern Grilldon, because it is a profitable market: there is no competitors in the southeastern part of Grilldon, and a large number of citizen devoting their time to hobbies. However, the argument is unconvincing without answering questions below.
Firstly, a question which should be answered is that whether the southeastern Grilldon is a suitable place for running a new hobby shop. There is a great possibility that the transport system is not so convenience, thus the public seldom go there for entertainment. Apart form this, if the southeastern part is the industrial area of the city, then the environment around the shop will be polluted by surrounding factories, which may forestall the development of the hobby store.
Secondly, the author fails to provide the evidence of the answers from participants in the research are substantial for the whole citizen in Grilldon. If the researchers gleaned answers form those who live nearby southeastern Grilldon, then they would be more likely to give a warm welcome to stores for leisure, no matter what kinds of the shops. Furthermore, the number of residents in the research is unknown, which means that there would be a small proportion of the citizen taking part in the research. Besides, it is likely that the questionnaire were sent to those who might have certain hobbies in certain places, such as gyms, parks, and some hobby websites. In this case, we could not draw a conclusion that the hobby shop will be the next site for HobCo Hobby Shop.
Finally, another question is that whether the number of retirees who are willing to enjoy the service in hobby shop is substantial. Although Grilldon has a very large population of retired people, it might well happen that they are mainly in poverty, due to the undeveloped economy in Grilldon. Moreover, if the majority of adults in Grilldon seek jobs in developing regions and leave their children and parents in the city, then most retirees would have to take care of their grandchildren instead of devoting their time in hobbies.
To sum up, without considering the possible scenario above, the argument is unwarranted since the evidence does not lead strong support.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 374 350
No. of Characters: 1830 1500
No. of Different Words: 192 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.398 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.893 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.746 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 127 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 103 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 67 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 35 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.714 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.353 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.857 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.339 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.596 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.056 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 120, Rule ID: THERE_S_MANY[4]
Message: Did you mean 'there are no competitors'?
Suggestion: there are no competitors
...don, because it is a profitable market: there is no competitors in the southeastern part of Grilldon, a...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 186, Rule ID: LARGE_NUMBER_OF[1]
Message: Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use 'many' or 'numerous'
Suggestion: many; numerous
... the southeastern part of Grilldon, and a large number of citizen devoting their time to hobbies....
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 267, Rule ID: APART_FORM[1]
Message: Possible typo. Did you mean 'apart from'?
Suggestion: Apart from
...blic seldom go there for entertainment. Apart form this, if the southeastern part is the i...
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
besides, finally, first, firstly, furthermore, however, if, may, moreover, second, secondly, so, then, thus, well, such as, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.6327345309 117% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 4.0 11.1786427146 36% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 22.0 28.8173652695 76% => OK
Preposition: 47.0 55.5748502994 85% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1888.0 2260.96107784 84% => OK
No of words: 374.0 441.139720559 85% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.04812834225 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.3976220399 4.56307096286 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.83409342851 2.78398813304 102% => OK
Unique words: 192.0 204.123752495 94% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.513368983957 0.468620217663 110% => OK
syllable_count: 569.7 705.55239521 81% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 14.0 19.7664670659 71% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 26.0 22.8473053892 114% => OK
Sentence length SD: 46.6574577892 57.8364921388 81% => OK
Chars per sentence: 134.857142857 119.503703932 113% => OK
Words per sentence: 26.7142857143 23.324526521 115% => OK
Discourse Markers: 9.5 5.70786347227 166% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.241637751495 0.218282227539 111% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0860123545541 0.0743258471296 116% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0872053567416 0.0701772020484 124% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.119503005876 0.128457276422 93% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0772978623965 0.0628817314937 123% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.7 14.3799401198 109% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 53.55 48.3550499002 111% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.197005988 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.31 12.5979740519 98% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.43 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 83.0 98.500998004 84% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.4 11.1389221557 111% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.