The following appeared in a memo at XYZ company."When XYZ lays off employees, it pays Delany Personnel Firm to offer those employees assistance in creating résumés and developing interviewing skills, if they so desire. Laid-off employees have benefited greatly from Delany's services: last year those who used Delany found jobs much more quickly than did those who did not. Recently, it has been proposed that we use the less expensive Walsh Personnel Firm in place of Delany. This would be a mistake because eight years ago, when XYZ was using Walsh, only half of the workers we laid off at that time found jobs within a year. Moreover, Delany is clearly superior, as evidenced by its bigger staff and larger number of branch offices. After all, last year Delany's clients took an average of six months to find jobs, whereas Walsh's clients took nine.
The arguer claimed that it would be a mistake that XYZ company used Walsh Personnel Firm instead of Delany, since only half of the workers laid off by XYZ found jobs with Walsh eight years ago, and Walsh had smaller staff and less branch offices. In addition, the Walsh’s clients took more time than Delany’s to find jobs.
Firstly, the assumption which needed to evaluate the argument is that the current situation remains the same as eight years ago. In this case, the workers laid off by XYZ have similar working skills and job-seeking abilities, such as computer application, business communication and cooperation abilities. If the employees have better trainings in several development courses in XYZ, then they are more likely to perform better in finding jobs after being laid off. Maybe XYZ was just a developing company eight years ago, however, nowadays, it have become one of the top companies in its field with the staff of higher quality.
Secondly, the arguer failed to assume that the numbers of staff and branch offices have significant influence in enterprise. There is a possibility that if the staff in Delany work in low efficiency and always put off their tasks, and the branch offices do not perform well in the market. On the contrary, most employees in Walsh may be elites with better education backgrounds and stronger working abilities, which contributes to the better service for those laid-off staff in XYZ.
Thirdly, another assumption we need is that the time for clients to find jobs have a connection with the firms’ service . If it turns out that the clients have some personal issues during hunting jobs, then they would give up some opportunities, so the job-seeking process would be delayed. Moreover, perhaps they are prudent and critical in chosing offers, and it takes time to make final decision. It is also perfectly possible that plenty of companies they applied for with the advice of Walsh have longer applying times and more complex steps than Delany.
To sum up, the arguer fails to substantiate his claim due to the evidences cited do not lend strong support to what he maintains.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 4 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 358 350
No. of Characters: 1730 1500
No. of Different Words: 196 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.35 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.832 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.454 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 122 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 92 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 50 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 33 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.571 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.326 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.929 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.345 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.609 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.088 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 546, Rule ID: IT_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'has'?
Suggestion: has
... eight years ago, however, nowadays, it have become one of the top companies in its ...
^^^^
Line 7, column 120, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...ave a connection with the firms’ service . If it turns out that the clients have s...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, however, if, may, moreover, second, secondly, so, then, third, thirdly, well, in addition, such as, on the contrary, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 11.0 19.6327345309 56% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 5.0 12.9520958084 39% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 24.0 28.8173652695 83% => OK
Preposition: 50.0 55.5748502994 90% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1788.0 2260.96107784 79% => OK
No of words: 358.0 441.139720559 81% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.99441340782 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.34981470047 4.56307096286 95% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.56042653045 2.78398813304 92% => OK
Unique words: 203.0 204.123752495 99% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.567039106145 0.468620217663 121% => OK
syllable_count: 532.8 705.55239521 76% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 14.0 19.7664670659 71% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 39.3286129417 57.8364921388 68% => OK
Chars per sentence: 127.714285714 119.503703932 107% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.5714285714 23.324526521 110% => OK
Discourse Markers: 10.9285714286 5.70786347227 191% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.23514912153 0.218282227539 108% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0750469767395 0.0743258471296 101% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0641776860083 0.0701772020484 91% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.118619903226 0.128457276422 92% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0704428801695 0.0628817314937 112% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.9 14.3799401198 104% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 54.56 48.3550499002 113% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.96 12.5979740519 95% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.76 8.32208582834 105% => OK
difficult_words: 88.0 98.500998004 89% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.