In 1992, many farmers in Jalikistan began using a hormone designed to produce larger cows that would produce more milk. Since then, childhood obesity in Jalikistan has grown by 200 percent. The amount of milk and dairy consumed by children in this area has not increased or decreased. Children in the same area who are lactose intolerant, and who drink almond milk or soy milk, have not had the same increase in childhood obesity. The only clear explanation is that the introduction of the hormone is responsible for the increase in childhood obesity in that area.
Write a response in which you discuss one or more viable alternatives to the proposed explanation. Justify, with support, why the alternatives could rival the proposed explanation and explain how those explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The author says that authentically designed naive cows to increase the productivity of milk by changing structure of the genetics led to childhood obesity in 'Jalikistan' eventually. The evidences such as the dependency of different areas and kind of milk on the rate of fat children are reasonable to support his position. However, above argument should discuss the factors he fails to discuss and need to be cited to strengthen the inference. The following essay will deal with the details of extra keys of it.
First, he assumes the only clear explanation for the trends of becoming corpulent is the introduction of the hormone in Jalikistan considering only few factors. We still remain the possibility of other matters for the growth of obesity of children. For example, the culture in that area perhaps include the saline eating habit or great success of fast-food franchises such as McDonald might led the children in Jalikistan to be fat.<span style="font-size: 19.36px;">
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Secondly, he mentioned the amount of milk and dairy consumed by children in this area are constant, but how does he gather the data from the children? the range of age of children and the size of sample are both not obvious and it guide the readers feel the deficiency of credibility of the source. Therefore, if he add more details of the respondent in the argument can strengthen his position.
Thirdly, he argues the children in the same area who are lactose intolerant, and drink dissimilar kind of milk, have not add the same increase in childhood obesity. the daily eating schedule of ordinary person are at least has dozens of different foods and ingredients. Even though the experiments he indicated in the paragraphs fixed one option, sort of milk, he did not handle the other important problems which probably lead the childhood obesity.
In conclusion, his assertion seemed quite enough at first impression to support his stance about the disposition of childhood obesity. if the above possibilities in this essay have been considered, they could be cited to convince the reader who believe there are not strong correlation between childhood obesity and the ingestion of newly created milk.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 362 350
No. of Characters: 1789 1500
No. of Different Words: 198 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.362 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.942 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.709 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 128 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 105 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 75 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 49 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 27.846 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 15.595 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.769 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.336 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.666 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.174 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 337, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... to support his position. However, above argument should discuss the factors he f...
^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...h the details of extra keys of it. First, he assumes the only clear explana...
^^
Line 9, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...;font-size: 19.36px;'> Secondly, he mentioned the amount of mil...
^^
Line 9, column 154, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: The
...s he gather the data from the children? the range of age of children and the size o...
^^^
Line 9, column 234, Rule ID: IT_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'guides'?
Suggestion: guides
...e of sample are both not obvious and it guide the readers feel the deficiency of cred...
^^^^^
Line 9, column 319, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'he' must be used with a third-person verb: 'adds'.
Suggestion: adds
...ibility of the source. Therefore, if he add more details of the respondent in the a...
^^^
Line 13, column 50, Rule ID: WHO_NOUN[1]
Message: A noun should not follow "who". Try changing to a verb or maybe to 'who is a are'.
Suggestion: who is a are
...he argues the children in the same area who are lactose intolerant, and drink dissimila...
^^^^^^^
Line 13, column 122, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: 'added'.
Suggestion: added
...drink dissimilar kind of milk, have not add the same increase in childhood obesity....
^^^
Line 13, column 166, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: The
...the same increase in childhood obesity. the daily eating schedule of ordinary perso...
^^^
Line 17, column 136, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
...t the disposition of childhood obesity. if the above possibilities in this essay h...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, however, if, second, secondly, so, still, then, therefore, third, thirdly, at least, for example, in conclusion, kind of, sort of, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 11.0 19.6327345309 56% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 6.0 12.9520958084 46% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 5.0 13.6137724551 37% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 20.0 28.8173652695 69% => OK
Preposition: 58.0 55.5748502994 104% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 16.3942115768 67% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1861.0 2260.96107784 82% => OK
No of words: 359.0 441.139720559 81% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.18384401114 5.12650576532 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.35284910392 4.56307096286 95% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.97673726855 2.78398813304 107% => OK
Unique words: 201.0 204.123752495 98% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.559888579387 0.468620217663 119% => OK
syllable_count: 576.0 705.55239521 82% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 14.0 19.7664670659 71% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 76.3821287464 57.8364921388 132% => OK
Chars per sentence: 132.928571429 119.503703932 111% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.6428571429 23.324526521 110% => OK
Discourse Markers: 10.7142857143 5.70786347227 188% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 10.0 5.25449101796 190% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.214760970827 0.218282227539 98% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0635517377544 0.0743258471296 86% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0583343331732 0.0701772020484 83% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.113690187537 0.128457276422 89% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.029614899498 0.0628817314937 47% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.8 14.3799401198 110% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 46.1 48.3550499002 95% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.06 12.5979740519 104% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.88 8.32208582834 107% => OK
difficult_words: 91.0 98.500998004 92% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 12.3882235529 97% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.