85. Workers in the small town of Leeville take fewer sick days than workers in the large city of Masonton, 50 miles away. Moreover, relative to population size, the diagnosis of stress-related illness is proportionally much lower in Leeville than in Masonton. According to the Leeville Chamber of Commerce, these facts can be attributed to the health benefits of the relatively relaxed pace of life in Leeville.
The author of this argument claims that due to some facts, which can be attributed to the health benefits of the relatively relaxed pace of life in Leeville, however, the argument fails to rule out a series of alternative explanations, and is therefore unpersuasive as it stands.
To begin with, the author claims that workers in Leeville take fewer sick days than workers in the large city of Masonton. However, the author failed to consider that there might be other reason to attribute the sick days. For example, weather will be an important factor to cause sick, or perhaps the bustle and hustle of large city will also lead workers become mentally or physically illness. As a result, the author should do further investigation in order to find out other explanations for the evidence to be compelling.
But it’s also worth considering that the stress-related illness can be attributed to population size. Nevertheless, the author didn’t provide a sufficient data about the land area of these two, therefore, it’s hard for reader to believe that the large city with more population will definitely has small land area, which cause the population density much higher than small town. Furthermore, the author should also indicate that whether there’s enough places for people to relax or not. Personally, I believed that it would be an important factor compared to population size.
Last but not least, although the pace in small town is slow indeed, to attribute the health benefits simply to the pace of life is hard for reader to convince. Health benefits should be a result under multiple influence. Such as the medical center or the sports center, nonetheless, the places for people to do outdoor activity, such as lakes for fishing, mountain for climbing. In order to prove the small town has health benefits toward people, the author should also indicate these details.
To sum up, the author fails to substantiate his claim that the facts mentioned above to be health benefits for small town. Because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. To make it more convincing, he would have to demonstrate some details as shown in above. As a result, if the argument had included the given factors discussed above, it would have been more thorough and logically acceptable.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 390 350
No. of Characters: 1894 1500
No. of Different Words: 192 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.444 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.856 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.561 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 138 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 90 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 65 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 37 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.941 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.05 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.765 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.321 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.564 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.075 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 6, column 295, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: 'have'
Suggestion: have
...ty with more population will definitely has small land area, which cause the popula...
^^^
Line 6, column 438, Rule ID: THERE_S_MANY[2]
Message: Did you mean 'there're enough places'?
Suggestion: there're enough places
...uthor should also indicate that whether there’s enough places for people to relax or not. Personally,...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 10, column 124, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Because” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...e to be health benefits for small town. Because the evidence cited in the analysis does...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, furthermore, however, if, nevertheless, nonetheless, so, therefore, for example, such as, as a result, to begin with, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 12.0 19.6327345309 61% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 20.0 28.8173652695 69% => OK
Preposition: 52.0 55.5748502994 94% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 16.3942115768 67% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1968.0 2260.96107784 87% => OK
No of words: 389.0 441.139720559 88% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.05912596401 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.44106776838 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.66607624482 2.78398813304 96% => OK
Unique words: 199.0 204.123752495 97% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.511568123393 0.468620217663 109% => OK
syllable_count: 608.4 705.55239521 86% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 58.9904689973 57.8364921388 102% => OK
Chars per sentence: 115.764705882 119.503703932 97% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.8823529412 23.324526521 98% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.11764705882 5.70786347227 142% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.67664670659 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.18983459135 0.218282227539 87% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0635001373986 0.0743258471296 85% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.10915439468 0.0701772020484 156% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0966671372056 0.128457276422 75% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0857241161909 0.0628817314937 136% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.8 14.3799401198 96% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 49.15 48.3550499002 102% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.36 12.5979740519 98% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.42 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 91.0 98.500998004 92% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.