"All students should be required to take the driver's education course at Centerville High School. In the past two years, several accidents in and around Centerville have involved teenage drivers. Since a number of parents in Centerville have complained that they are too busy to teach their teenagers to drive, some other instruction is necessary to ensure that these teenagers are safe drivers. Although there are two driving schools in Centerville, parents on a tight budget cannot afford to pay for driving instruction. Therefore an effective and mandatory program sponsored by the high school is the only solution to this serious problem."
The author proposes mandating teenagers to take a program sponsored by the high school is the only solution to the serious problem. He or she offers an interesting argument, but it suffers from some logical flaws and gaps in evidence. While the connections suggested are reasonable, there are many other possible scenarios that should discourage the author from claiming that the only solution is mandatory program sponsored by the high school.
To begin with, the author assumes the need of mandatory program because several accidents have involved teenage drivers. However he or she offers no information about actual ratio. The proportion of accidents involving teenagers might be negligible. Only one percent or two of accidents actually might related to teenagers. Even if we assume, that high proportion of accidents actually are involving teenagers, we still can not conclude that the teenage drivers are immediate cause of accidents. Teenage drivers actually might be victim of these accidents. There are many other factors which could cause the accidents. For example, complex traffic, careless pedestrians or too many cars in road could be an immediate cause not an inability of teenagers. The author should offer actual proportion of accidents which are related to teenagers and other conditions such as traffic complexity to strengthen his/her claim.
Let us assume, though that teenage drivers are responsible to high ratio of accidents. Yet there is no reason to believe that mandatory program will be panacea and will make decrease in accidents. Education does not lead people's behavior. For example, jail offers many education to its criminal offender. However these educations do not have big effect in reducing criminal: high proportion of offenders commit the criminal again after they leave the prison. Likewise even if mandatory program could offer an great opportunity to students, we cannot be sure that these students will be more careful driver than before. Maybe what it needs for less accidents is the student's conscience, rather than demanding program.
Finally, the author assumes that teenage drivers who are related to accidents occurred in Centerville live in the city. Yet there is no reason to believe so. As we all know, the place where accidents happened does not imply that people who are involved lived there. People might live in neighbor or their home might located far away. Without the information about the people's location, we can not be sure that mandatory program sponsored by the local high school can be effective solution. What is more, the author unfairly assumes that the parents who he/she depicts as too busy to teach their children and on a tight budget to pay for driving instruction are representative of the parents in Centerville. Many parents in Centerville might could spare their time on teaching their children or they might could pay for driving instruction other than high school program. Without thorough survey about parent's business and affordability, it is illogical to believe that the only option to solve the problem is program by near high school.
To sum, the author's assumption is not logical based on above mentioned reasons. He or she should closely examined all other options and conditions before claiming.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 9 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 29 15
No. of Words: 527 350
No. of Characters: 2712 1500
No. of Different Words: 237 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.791 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.146 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.595 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 210 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 172 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 112 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 71 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.172 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.817 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.517 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.286 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.466 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.151 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 122, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...ccidents have involved teenage drivers. However he or she offers no information about a...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 387, Rule ID: PROGRESSIVE_VERBS[1]
Message: This verb is normally not used in the progressive form. Try a simple form instead.
...t high proportion of accidents actually are involving teenagers, we still can not conclude th...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 265, Rule ID: MANY_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun education seems to be countable; consider using: 'many educations'.
Suggestion: many educations
...ples behavior. For example, jail offers many education to its criminal offender. However these...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 306, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...any education to its criminal offender. However these educations do not have big effect...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 460, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Likewise,
...inal again after they leave the prison. Likewise even if mandatory program could offer a...
^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 507, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'a' instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
Suggestion: a
...e even if mandatory program could offer an great opportunity to students, we canno...
^^
Line 5, column 644, Rule ID: FEWER_LESS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'fewer'? The noun accidents is countable.
Suggestion: fewer
...er than before. Maybe what it needs for less accidents is the students conscience, r...
^^^^
Line 5, column 666, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'students'' or 'student's'?
Suggestion: students'; student's
...what it needs for less accidents is the students conscience, rather than demanding progr...
^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 369, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'peoples'' or 'people's'?
Suggestion: peoples'; people's
...away. Without the information about the peoples location, we can not be sure that manda...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 13, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...ram by near high school. To sum, the authors assumption is not logical based on abov...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 106, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: 'examine'
Suggestion: examine
...ioned reasons. He or she should closely examined all other options and conditions before...
^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, but, finally, however, if, likewise, may, so, still, then, while, as to, for example, such as, to begin with, what is more
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 27.0 19.6327345309 138% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 23.0 12.9520958084 178% => OK
Conjunction : 16.0 11.1786427146 143% => OK
Relative clauses : 18.0 13.6137724551 132% => OK
Pronoun: 41.0 28.8173652695 142% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 57.0 55.5748502994 103% => OK
Nominalization: 18.0 16.3942115768 110% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2772.0 2260.96107784 123% => OK
No of words: 525.0 441.139720559 119% => OK
Chars per words: 5.28 5.12650576532 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.78673985869 4.56307096286 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.66773040008 2.78398813304 96% => OK
Unique words: 239.0 204.123752495 117% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.455238095238 0.468620217663 97% => OK
syllable_count: 872.1 705.55239521 124% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 29.0 19.7664670659 147% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 22.8473053892 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 48.3719241296 57.8364921388 84% => OK
Chars per sentence: 95.5862068966 119.503703932 80% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.1034482759 23.324526521 78% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.55172413793 5.70786347227 80% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 11.0 5.25449101796 209% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 2.0 8.20758483034 24% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 21.0 6.88822355289 305% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.241256733427 0.218282227539 111% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0634531742086 0.0743258471296 85% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0515411246844 0.0701772020484 73% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.117417916456 0.128457276422 91% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0508253206834 0.0628817314937 81% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.5 14.3799401198 87% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 44.75 48.3550499002 93% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.05 12.5979740519 104% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.23 8.32208582834 99% => OK
difficult_words: 123.0 98.500998004 125% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 11.1389221557 83% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.