The following appeared in a health magazine.
"The citizens of Forsythe have adopted more healthful lifestyles. Their responses to a recent survey show that in their eating habits they conform more closely to government nutritional recommendations than they did ten years ago. Furthermore, there has been a fourfold increase in sales of food products containing kiran, a substance that a scientific study has shown reduces cholesterol. This trend is also evident in reduced sales of sulia, a food that few of the most healthy citizens regularly eat."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument
The argument concludes that the lifestyle of Forsythe’s people have been healthier. Although the author offers a number of reasons supporting this conclusion, other evidence is required to confirm this hypothesis.
The author mentions the fact that, according to a recent study, people in Forsythe have claimedd to follow the government nutritional recommendation more closely. In order to bolster his argument, the author has to offer some figures about the participants of this study. If there are few participants, it cannot be inferred that people in Forsythe are now healthier than they used to be. Second, the author has to rely on a more reliable study, whose methodology does not depend on asking questions to people. Indeed, this involves dealing with the possibility that participants lie. If Forsythe’s people have lied in the survey considered by the author, the reasoning is surely weakened. Third, the author should also report which the nutritional principles are recommended by the state. Suppose they are not good recommendations: perhaps, these recommendations have been formulated by unqualified doctors. If this is the case, the author’s thesis is not convincing: people follow unhealthy nutritional recommendations.
There is another issue that needs to be explored. According to the author, there has been a steep increase in sales of food products contaning kiran, an ingredient capable of reducing cholesterol. The author’s argument would be strengthened if other information was provided. For example, the author should have demonstrated that the use of kiran does not have negative consequences for the health. What if it provokes cancer? The author should also have been excluded that the steep increase in sales of kiran products does not depend on external factors such as the arrival of a great number of tourists in Forsythe. What if the tourists arrived in Forsythe buy kiran products? We would not say that people living in Forsythe are healthier than they used to be. Moreover, in order to bolster the reasoning the author should provide data about the use of kiran products in cuisine. If these products were used differently, perhaps they were given to animals, the author’s conclusion would not be convincing.
Finally, the author cites the fact that Forsythe’s people buy a lower amount of sulia. However, he had better demonstrate that sulia is dangerous. What if people no longer buy sulia products because of a change of their tastes. It is true that sulia is consumed only by a minority of the healthiest people in Forsythe. However, if it was so dangerous why would the people who eat it be healthy?
In conclusion, the author should provide more information to make his thesis convincing. First, he has to guarantee that the study he relies on is trustworthy and has a representative sample. Second, he should give more pieces of data concerning sales of kiran that demonstrate that people in Forsythe’s eat kiran products. Third, he could bolster his reasoning by excluding the case that the reduction in consumption of sulia products is due to a change of tastes or other external reasons.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 30 15
No. of Words: 508 350
No. of Characters: 2567 1500
No. of Different Words: 210 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.748 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.053 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.832 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 196 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 135 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 107 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 63 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.933 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.961 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.7 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.303 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.466 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.093 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 617, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Use past participle here: 'lain'.
Suggestion: lain
...nts lie. If Forsythe's people have lied in the survey considered by the author,...
^^^^
Line 7, column 389, Rule ID: IT_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'is'?
Suggestion: is
...ngerous why would the people who eat it be healthy? In conclusion, the author s...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, finally, first, however, if, moreover, second, so, then, third, as to, for example, in conclusion, such as, it is true
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 30.0 19.6327345309 153% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 12.9520958084 93% => OK
Conjunction : 2.0 11.1786427146 18% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 18.0 13.6137724551 132% => OK
Pronoun: 41.0 28.8173652695 142% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 62.0 55.5748502994 112% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 16.3942115768 61% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2675.0 2260.96107784 118% => OK
No of words: 508.0 441.139720559 115% => OK
Chars per words: 5.2657480315 5.12650576532 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.74751043592 4.56307096286 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.08064954284 2.78398813304 111% => OK
Unique words: 226.0 204.123752495 111% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.444881889764 0.468620217663 95% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 828.0 705.55239521 117% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 4.96107784431 181% => OK
Article: 14.0 8.76447105788 160% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 30.0 19.7664670659 152% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 22.8473053892 70% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 35.3182514982 57.8364921388 61% => OK
Chars per sentence: 89.1666666667 119.503703932 75% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.9333333333 23.324526521 73% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.13333333333 5.70786347227 72% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 11.0 6.88822355289 160% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 10.0 4.67664670659 214% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.140005424179 0.218282227539 64% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0397241011384 0.0743258471296 53% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.048349456618 0.0701772020484 69% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.074377595543 0.128457276422 58% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0504609428842 0.0628817314937 80% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.9 14.3799401198 83% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 55.24 48.3550499002 114% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 12.197005988 78% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.99 12.5979740519 103% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.28 8.32208582834 99% => OK
difficult_words: 124.0 98.500998004 126% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 12.3882235529 69% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.4 11.1389221557 75% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.