The following appeared in a memo from the director of student housing at Buckingham College.
"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."
The director of student housing at Buckingham College recommends the school building lots of new dormitories because of the growth of enrollment. However, the evidence offered by the author is insufficient.
The author says that Buckingham’s enrollment will double over the next 50 years. However, a supposition here is that the people making the projection do have the ability to predict future population change. The author does not provide readers with the background information of the people. Perhaps they could be fresh college graduates claiming that they can predict the trend of population change by using their simple model learned from the class. Or perhaps they could be experienced professors making a wild guess without rigorous data and mathematics in the daily afternoon tea. Therefore, we must know they do have qualifications in predicting enrollment change, and they really have undertaken thorough research on the topic.
Even if the predictive model is exactly correct, a correlation between average rent in the town increasing and being difficult to afford rent does not necessarily infer a causal relation. It is entirely that there are some other important factors making the increasing rent not affect the students. For example, if students studying at Buckingham College all come from an extremely rich family, the rising rent does not bother them. Or if students’ origin family all located near the school, it is unnecessary for the school to pay attention to their living problem. Thus, any of these factors might make the rising rent not influence the students. Without ruling out all other possibilities, it is unfair to conclude that average rent in the town increasing is responsible for the students being difficult to afford rent.
Most important of all, why does the college need enrollment growing? This growing means if the school does not expand the scale of building, facilities, instruments, employees and teachers, the student’s education right will be damaged. It is necessary for the school to maintain their education quality when they let more students attend. If it fails to do that, its reputation will suffer a huge strike so as to make the enrollment decrease in the future. Therefore, neglecting to sustain quality, will not only make the enrollment decrease in a long time but also make the reputation damaged.
In conclusion, the author needs to provide sufficient evidence as above mentioned to strengthen the argument.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
argument 1 -- not OK. better way: maybe students’ origin family all located near the school.
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- not OK. need to argue:
Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 395 350
No. of Characters: 2034 1500
No. of Different Words: 210 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.458 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.149 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.743 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 160 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 120 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 82 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 58 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.75 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.585 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.55 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.296 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.536 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.099 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
The director of student housing at Bucki...
^^^^
Line 2, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...offered by the author is insufficient. The author says that Buckingham's e...
^^^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...rtaken thorough research on the topic. Even if the predictive model is exactly ...
^^^^
Line 3, column 826, Rule ID: AFFORD_VB[1]
Message: This verb is used with the infinitive: 'to rend', 'to rent'
Suggestion: to rend; to rent
... the students being difficult to afford rent. Most important of all, why does t...
^^^^
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...udents being difficult to afford rent. Most important of all, why does the coll...
^^^^
Line 4, column 414, Rule ID: SO_AS_TO[1]
Message: Use simply 'to'
Suggestion: to
...ts reputation will suffer a huge strike so as to make the enrollment decrease in the fut...
^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, however, if, really, so, then, therefore, thus, as to, for example, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 19.6327345309 71% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 11.1786427146 63% => OK
Relative clauses : 7.0 13.6137724551 51% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 25.0 28.8173652695 87% => OK
Preposition: 43.0 55.5748502994 77% => OK
Nominalization: 22.0 16.3942115768 134% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2097.0 2260.96107784 93% => OK
No of words: 395.0 441.139720559 90% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.30886075949 5.12650576532 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.45809453852 4.56307096286 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.92397281939 2.78398813304 105% => OK
Unique words: 217.0 204.123752495 106% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.549367088608 0.468620217663 117% => OK
syllable_count: 639.9 705.55239521 91% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 35.1789709912 57.8364921388 61% => OK
Chars per sentence: 104.85 119.503703932 88% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.75 23.324526521 85% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.6 5.70786347227 81% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.155980587066 0.218282227539 71% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0491995644242 0.0743258471296 66% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0740784176193 0.0701772020484 106% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0989470461395 0.128457276422 77% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0825413101461 0.0628817314937 131% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.5 14.3799401198 94% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 52.19 48.3550499002 108% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.52 12.5979740519 107% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.62 8.32208582834 104% => OK
difficult_words: 101.0 98.500998004 103% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 12.3882235529 69% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.