The following appeared in a memo from the owner of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.
"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, all of the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The information that is presented in the memo states that the chain of cheese stores used to store both imported and domestic cheese for their buyers. However, last year, all of the five best-selling cheeses at the newest store were domestic cheddar cheeses. Moreover, a survey conducted by the Cheeses of the World magazine states that the subscribers have bent their interest in the domestic cheeses more. As the company wants to increase their profits, they wish to reduce thier imported cheese inventory and discontinue the stocking many of the variety of imported cheese. The author, has pointed out the relevant facts in the memo but it does not include any number, percentage so that the data could be compared. Therefore, several assumptions can be made from the memo that are presented in the essay below.
Firstly, the author has pointed out the sales of only one of the many stores from the country. It might be possible that as the store was new thus, people did not wish to spend more money on imported cheese. Also, there is no data of the other stores that are present in the country. If all of the stores have imported cheese as their best-selling product then the statement would not support this. Therefore, the information given by the author leads to the ambiguity regarding the sales of the cheese in the stores.
Secondly, a survey has been conducted by the Cheeses of the World magazine. The author has not provided any numeric data in support of the statement. For instance, it might be possible that only 1000 people took part in the survey and 600 out of which favored domestic cheese than imported one. Then this data will not provide any specific direction to the statement. On the other hand if more than a million people participated in the survey then the results might affect the population at large. Hence, survey too does not give any specific answer.
Thirdly, the author has not provided any information what would happen if suddenly all of the imported cheese will be discontinued from the stores. If the percentage of people buying imported cheese is more then the profits from these cheeses might be higher than that of domestic cheese. Author, has not provided any data regarding how much sales of the cheeses might get affected. It is also possible that imported cheese might not be best-selling but they might bring more profit to the stores due to their increased price. Therefore, it would be wrong to state that by discontinuing the imported cheese, the profits will increase.
Lastly, the author has tried his/her best to point the details due to which the profit is increased but has failed to give any numeric data due to which results could be obtained vividly.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 467 350
No. of Characters: 2198 1500
No. of Different Words: 185 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.649 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.707 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.356 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 155 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 104 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 69 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 32 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.304 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.003 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.87 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.348 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.524 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.077 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 172, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
...e for their buyers. However, last year, all of the five best-selling cheeses at the newest...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 288, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
...res that are present in the country. If all of the stores have imported cheese as their be...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 84, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
...formation what would happen if suddenly all of the imported cheese will be discontinued fr...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 149, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...e will be discontinued from the stores. If the percentage of people buying importe...
^^
Line 7, column 208, Rule ID: COMP_THAN[2]
Message: Comparison requires 'than', not 'then' nor 'as'.
Suggestion: than
...f people buying imported cheese is more then the profits from these cheeses might be...
^^^^
Line 7, column 338, Rule ID: MUCH_COUNTABLE[1]
Message: Use 'many' with countable nouns.
Suggestion: many
...has not provided any data regarding how much sales of the cheeses might get affected...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, hence, however, if, lastly, moreover, regarding, second, secondly, so, then, therefore, third, thirdly, thus, for instance, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 19.6327345309 97% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 28.0 28.8173652695 97% => OK
Preposition: 56.0 55.5748502994 101% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 16.3942115768 55% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2257.0 2260.96107784 100% => OK
No of words: 466.0 441.139720559 106% => OK
Chars per words: 4.84334763948 5.12650576532 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.64618479453 4.56307096286 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.44159333132 2.78398813304 88% => OK
Unique words: 187.0 204.123752495 92% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.401287553648 0.468620217663 86% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 694.8 705.55239521 98% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 34.0337872819 57.8364921388 59% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 98.1304347826 119.503703932 82% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.2608695652 23.324526521 87% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.30434782609 5.70786347227 128% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.67664670659 192% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.292252114058 0.218282227539 134% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0940438792077 0.0743258471296 127% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0957294918161 0.0701772020484 136% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.168116172961 0.128457276422 131% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.142415859444 0.0628817314937 226% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.5 14.3799401198 80% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 59.64 48.3550499002 123% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 12.197005988 81% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.79 12.5979740519 86% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.27 8.32208582834 87% => OK
difficult_words: 78.0 98.500998004 79% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 12.3882235529 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.