The following appeared in a memo from the president of Bower Builders, a company that constructs new homes.
"A nationwide survey reveals that the two most-desired home features are a large family room and a large, well-appointed kitchen. A number of homes in our area built by our competitor Domus Construction have such features and have sold much faster and at significantly higher prices than the national average. To boost sales and profits, we should increase the size of the family rooms and kitchens in all the homes we build and should make state-of-the-art kitchens a standard feature. Moreover, our larger family rooms and kitchens can come at the expense of the dining room, since many of our recent buyers say they do not need a separate dining room for family meals.
In the memo, the president of the Bower Builders, claimed about a survey that larger family rooms and well- appointed kitchens are most desired by the people. He also mentioned that their competitor are selling much faster. Moreover, he made a recommendation that they should increase their sizes of the family rooms and kitchens rooms to boost their profit as like their rivals. However, writer has not mentioned any clear and transparent detailed information to support that views.
Firstly, president of the company said that now large houses and cooking rooms are desired by people. But he has lack of showing proper information in the survey. For example, it might be probable that the survey, were taken within very few people and it was about a few years ago. So, without having the proper time of the survey taken, we can not rely on that. Moreover, perhaps the people who desired two have large houses and cooking rooms, in reality they cannot make effort to buy those large rooms.
Secondly, writer stated that, their rivals company making profit by selling large houses. But he has not shown any examples to believe on that news. For instance, there might be any other approach of them, to catch the market domain. It might be happen that, their design team and installation team were wonderful and very active. Therefore, they provide zenith service to their home owner and their advertisements was also very attractive to select their service.
Thirdly, writer recommended that, they should follow their rivals companies work style if they want to make profit as like them. However, without having several clearance we should not rely and imply this type of approach. It might be happen that after imposing this approach in the building projects, their profit may decrease than previous years. So, there was any evidence about previous examples and proper statistical data , then we could rely.
In conclusion, we can say hat if author made several clearance then it would possible to support that recommendation. Writer should show more constructive statistical survey regarding proper number of recipients and time when the survey were taken. And also, he need to clear a evidence showing by using witch technique, their competitor made profit. Moreover, author need to show examples, if there is any example where this approach was implied and any company made succeed.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 10 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 393 350
No. of Characters: 1937 1500
No. of Different Words: 181 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.452 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.929 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.364 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 144 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 88 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 55 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 28 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.864 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.516 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.955 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.295 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.295 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.148 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 4, column 153, Rule ID: MANY_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun clearance seems to be countable; consider using: 'several clearances'.
Suggestion: several clearances
...t as like them. However, without having several clearance we should not rely and imply this type ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 427, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...ous examples and proper statistical data , then we could rely. In conclusion, we ...
^^
Line 5, column 276, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
... were taken. And also, he need to clear a evidence showing by using witch techniq...
^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, however, if, may, moreover, regarding, second, secondly, so, then, therefore, third, thirdly, well, for example, for instance, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 19.6327345309 76% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 16.0 11.1786427146 143% => OK
Relative clauses : 16.0 13.6137724551 118% => OK
Pronoun: 50.0 28.8173652695 174% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 40.0 55.5748502994 72% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 16.3942115768 61% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2000.0 2260.96107784 88% => OK
No of words: 393.0 441.139720559 89% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.08905852417 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.45244063426 4.56307096286 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.45320554047 2.78398813304 88% => OK
Unique words: 198.0 204.123752495 97% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.503816793893 0.468620217663 108% => OK
syllable_count: 609.3 705.55239521 86% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 14.0 4.96107784431 282% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 1.0 8.76447105788 11% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 22.8473053892 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 27.9108675774 57.8364921388 48% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 90.9090909091 119.503703932 76% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.8636363636 23.324526521 77% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.59090909091 5.70786347227 133% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 8.20758483034 171% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.1653694447 0.218282227539 76% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0475290834327 0.0743258471296 64% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0738490826005 0.0701772020484 105% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.089549492661 0.128457276422 70% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0586935657392 0.0628817314937 93% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.5 14.3799401198 80% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 54.22 48.3550499002 112% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 12.197005988 81% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.95 12.5979740519 95% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.98 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 87.0 98.500998004 88% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 11.1389221557 79% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.