The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of a food distribution company with food storage warehouses in several cities.
"Recently, we signed a contract with the Fly-Away Pest Control Company to provide pest control services at our fast-food warehouse in Palm City, but last month we discovered that over $20,000 worth of food there had been destroyed by pest damage. Meanwhile, the Buzzoff Pest Control Company, which we have used for many years, continued to service our warehouse in Wintervale, and last month only $10,000 worth of the food stored there had been destroyed by pest damage. Even though the price charged by Fly-Away is considerably lower, our best means of saving money is to return to Buzzoff for all our pest control services."
It seems the author that the warehouse in Palm City and Wintervale could be comparable, and last month the value of food destroyed by pest damage in Palm City was larger than in Wintervale, so the author suggests the service provided by Buzzoff Pest Control Company is the best choice. However, several assumptions in the argument need to be addressed to make the claim more convincing.
An assumption here is that the environments for the warehouse in Palm City and Wintervale are the same. Nevertheless, the author fails to consider some possible differences between Palm City and Wintervale that might help to bring about a different result. For example, if the warehouse in Palm City has a humid environment, and that in Wintervale is dry, the potential losses from pest damage for Palm City is larger than Wintervale. In order to compare two companies in science, the author needs to ask Buzzoff Pest Control Company to set a warehouse in Palm City or Fly-Away Pest Control Company to set a warehouse in Wintervale so as to determine which one do better in pest control.
The author claims that last month $20000 worth of food lost in Palm City and $10000 worth of food lost in Wintervale. Nonetheless, what is the exact total value of all food, one hundred thousand dollars, a million dollars, or a billion dollars? It does not mention the base number of whole food in each place, nor tell us how much percentage value of the food destroyed by pest damage accounted for in the total value. For example, if $20000 worth of food lost in Palm City only accounted for 1% of the total food, and $10000 worth of food lost in Wintervale accounted for 20% of the total food, then we cannot conclude that Buzzoff Pest Control Company is better than Fly-Away Pest Control Company. At least the author needs to provide the percentage data so as to help us determine which one do better in pest control.
Even assuming that the percentage of lost in Palm City was larger than in Wintervale, data provided by only a month is insufficient for us to make a conclusion. For example, maybe last month was a hot season. If Fly-Away Pest Control Company is good at pest control in winter, not in summer, and in contrast, Buzzoff Pest Control Company is good at pest control in summer, not in winter, the latter has higher probabilities to do better than the former. Therefore, the author needs to provide the whole year data so as to decide which one has the huger lost.
In conclusion, the author needs to address the assumptions as above mentioned to strengthen the argument, including the background environment, the percentage of the lost, and the whole year data.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 464 350
No. of Characters: 2138 1500
No. of Different Words: 166 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.641 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.608 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.524 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 138 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 105 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 64 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 50 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 29 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.104 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.75 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.393 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.595 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.173 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
It seems the author that the warehouse i...
^^^^
Line 2, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...sed to make the claim more convincing. An assumption here is that the environme...
^^^^
Line 2, column 636, Rule ID: SO_AS_TO[1]
Message: Use simply 'to'
Suggestion: to
...ompany to set a warehouse in Wintervale so as to determine which one do better in pest c...
^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...e which one do better in pest control. The author claims that last month 0000 w...
^^^^
Line 3, column 753, Rule ID: SO_AS_TO[1]
Message: Use simply 'to'
Suggestion: to
...or needs to provide the percentage data so as to help us determine which one do better i...
^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...e which one do better in pest control. Even assuming that the percentage of los...
^^^^
Line 4, column 517, Rule ID: SO_AS_TO[1]
Message: Use simply 'to'
Suggestion: to
...or needs to provide the whole year data so as to decide which one has the huger lost. ...
^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...o decide which one has the huger lost. In conclusion, the author needs to addre...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
however, if, may, nevertheless, nonetheless, so, then, therefore, as to, at least, for example, in conclusion, in contrast
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 19.6327345309 76% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 4.0 12.9520958084 31% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 13.0 28.8173652695 45% => OK
Preposition: 67.0 55.5748502994 121% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 16.3942115768 43% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2190.0 2260.96107784 97% => OK
No of words: 464.0 441.139720559 105% => OK
Chars per words: 4.71982758621 5.12650576532 92% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.64119157421 4.56307096286 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.63176821242 2.78398813304 95% => OK
Unique words: 170.0 204.123752495 83% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.366379310345 0.468620217663 78% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 675.0 705.55239521 96% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 7.0 1.67365269461 418% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 29.0 22.8473053892 127% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 67.9379312314 57.8364921388 117% => OK
Chars per sentence: 136.875 119.503703932 115% => OK
Words per sentence: 29.0 23.324526521 124% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.625 5.70786347227 134% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.239758251919 0.218282227539 110% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0828525668723 0.0743258471296 111% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0858808906697 0.0701772020484 122% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.139865285598 0.128457276422 109% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0724218228198 0.0628817314937 115% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.3 14.3799401198 106% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.5 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.4 12.197005988 110% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.69 12.5979740519 85% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.32 8.32208582834 88% => OK
difficult_words: 66.0 98.500998004 67% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 13.6 11.1389221557 122% => OK
text_standard: 15.0 11.9071856287 126% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.