The following appeared in a memo at XYZ company.
"When XYZ lays off employees, it pays Delany Personnel Firm to offer those employees assistance in creating résumés and developing interviewing skills, if they so desire. Laid-off employees have benefited greatly from Delany's services: last year those who used Delany found jobs much more quickly than did those who did not. Recently, it has been proposed that we use the less expensive Walsh Personnel Firm in place of Delany. This would be a mistake because eight years ago, when XYZ was using Walsh, only half of the workers we laid off at that time found jobs within a year. Moreover, Delany is clearly superior, as evidenced by its bigger staff and larger number of branch offices. After all, last year Delany's clients took an average of six months to find jobs, whereas Walsh's clients took nine."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author of the memo asserts that XYZ company should use service of Delany Personnel Firm due to its efficiency of its service with the faired employees. Although the writer gives us some evidences they should be evaluated in order to estimate the soundness of the conclusion. First of all, is the service provided by the Delany Personnel Firm only factor which impacts on time spent by the fired workers to find a new job? Is it reasonable to compare the two cases which happened today and eight years ago? How many of people used the service of Walsh Personnel Firms?
The central evidences of the efficiency of Delany Personnel Firm is that these workers who use its service find a new work place faster than employees who don use the service. Although the laid-off employees indeed may benefit from the provided services, it is possible that some other factors have an explicit impact on the result. For instance, we were told that only employees who state their desire to use the service will be provided it. Therefore, we may surmise that they have a desire or necessity to find a new occupation. And therefore, they are probably more active and energetic, may vigorously use internet services to look for new work place. In other words, the role of provided service by the Delany Personnel Firm in the success of the workers who used its service is not obvious and some other factors and employees characteristics may affect the celerity of finding a new work place.
The author of the memo supports his or her conclusion via comparing the results of the useage of the services provided by both firms. However, is it reasonable to compare the situation eight years ago and today's one? The answer is loud "no" due to the possibility that economic and political situation in the country where the XYZ company operates may be drastically different today and several years ago. Did the country and the world economy undergo the stagnation or growth in the recent past? If the answer is "yes", the stagnation may lead to the supposedly low effectiveness of the Walsh Personnel Firm's service. As a result, we cannot compare the two company on basis of data provided by the author.
Moreover, the information given to us about the efficiency of the Walsh Personnel Firm is not enough to estimate its effectiveness due to the fact that we do not know how many people used the service? The probability exists that eight years ago only a small per cent of faired employees used the servise of Walsh Personnel Firm and therefore, we do not know how the service has impacted on the workers' lives.
In conclusion, the author of the argument avers to stick to service which is provided by Delany Personnel Firm, but the data given to us failed to create a sound argument, therefore the efficiency of both firms are not conspicuous.
Comments
Thank you for your help. I
Thank you for your help. I hope that with your help I manage to improve my writing skills.
Sentence: The author of the memo supports his or her conclusion via comparing the results of the useage of the services provided by both firms.
Error: useage Suggestion: usage
Sentence: The probability exists that eight years ago only a small per cent of faired employees used the servise of Walsh Personnel Firm and therefore, we do not know how the service has impacted on the workers' lives.
Error: servise Suggestion: service
Error: faired Suggestion: No alternate word
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argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- not OK. Need to argue against here:
'Moreover, Delany is clearly superior, as evidenced by its bigger staff and larger number of branch offices. After all, last year Delany's clients took an average of six months to find jobs, whereas Walsh's clients took nine'
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flaws:
Don't need to list arguments in the introduction paragraph.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 491 350
No. of Characters: 2295 1500
No. of Different Words: 199 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.707 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.674 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.533 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 160 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 123 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 81 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 52 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.55 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.052 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.65 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.348 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.543 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.164 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5