The following appeared in a memorandum from the mayor of Wistfold.
“A recent study revealed that the number of children requiring medical attention for
illnesses in our town is 40 percent higher than in the neighboring town of Champsfield.
Last year the Champsfield school district implemented an educational program called
“Kerzac Plus” that promotes healthier habits among children. Because prepackaged
convenience foods have less nutritional value than fresh fruits and vegetables, Kerzac Plus
guidance led to banning the sale of candy bars and soft drinks in Champsfield schools.
Kerzac Plus also provides informational posters and live presentations for children that
explain the importance of healthy foods and exercise, as well as the risks of making
unhealthy lifestyle choices. The clearest explanation for the lower medical needs of
Champsfield’s children compared withWistfold’s is the introduction of the Kerzac Plus
program to promote student health.”
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could
rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account
for the facts presented in the argument.
In this argument, the major of Wistfold states that, in order to reduce the number of ill children, the "Kerzac Plus" program should be implemented. This recommendation comes from the assumption that illnesses come from the malnutrition of Wistfold children and a viable solution could be achieved by establishing that program.
While there is no shade of doubt that a program like that is extremely helpful to teach children healthy habits, there is no evidence presented that links the more illnesses to a bad nutritional behaviour. Other possible explanations coul be a problem with the water delivering system of the city, or there could be a bad air quality in the very-near surroundings of the schools. Moreover, having more infrastructures and school time for physical activity can be another explanation for the reduced number of illnesses Chamsfield has.
The former explanation could have to do with the system of water delivery of the whole city, or even with just the pipes of the schools which might be old and make the water not drinkable. The first option would result in a general increase of illnesses among the whole population, so it is more reasonable to assume that the problem is close to the schools area, or that affects only the section that delivers water to that area indeed. If this is the problem, the source could be from contaminations coming from nearby buildings whose dirty waters mix with school pipes, thus making every program promoting food and health education not useful to solve the root cause. A child can do his or her best to live a healthy life, but if the water he or she drinks is contaminated, there's nothing that he or she can do to avoid getting ill.
Another possible explanation could come from the bad air quality of the immediate surroundings of the schools, maybe caused by polluted air coming from an industrial zone that, due to the conformation of the territory, gets directed towards the school area. This is another example of how having a good lifestyle is not enough in order to avoid getting ill, since this is a factor a child is not able to control.
The last possible explanation could be about the lack of structures devoted to physical activity in the Wistfold city, thus reducing the opportunities and the time a child can use to improve his or her health. A program that devotes more time in improving the food quality and in teaching children the importance of excercise is not enough, since the absence of infrastructures can lead to an overall inefficiency of the program itself thus not solving the main problem. It is also important to note that this alternative explanation assumes that the root cause is the children's beahiours, as the mayor's argument does, but that there are other factors that prevent the mayor's solution from being effective.
In conclusion, the little informations about the causes of illnesses give space to a variety of alternative explanations that do and do not take into account the food and exercise program. It is then clear that more investigations have to be done in order to identify the root cause of the problem.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 8 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 532 350
No. of Characters: 2550 1500
No. of Different Words: 236 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.803 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.793 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.747 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 172 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 135 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 86 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 56 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 33.25 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.869 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.625 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.338 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.623 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.064 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 351, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'schools'' or 'school's'?
Suggestion: schools'; school's
...assume that the problem is close to the schools area, or that affects only the section ...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 778, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: there's
...water he or she drinks is contaminated, theres nothing that he or she can do to avoid ...
^^^^^^
Line 9, column 598, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'mayors'' or 'mayor's'?
Suggestion: mayors'; mayor's
...ause is the childrens beahiours, as the mayors argument does, but that there are other...
^^^^^^
Line 9, column 670, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'mayors'' or 'mayor's'?
Suggestion: mayors'; mayor's
...here are other factors that prevent the mayors solution from being effective. In co...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, if, may, moreover, so, then, thus, while, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 26.0 19.6327345309 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 11.1786427146 152% => OK
Relative clauses : 21.0 13.6137724551 154% => OK
Pronoun: 37.0 28.8173652695 128% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 73.0 55.5748502994 131% => OK
Nominalization: 19.0 16.3942115768 116% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2616.0 2260.96107784 116% => OK
No of words: 532.0 441.139720559 121% => OK
Chars per words: 4.91729323308 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.80261649409 4.56307096286 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.82187372824 2.78398813304 101% => OK
Unique words: 244.0 204.123752495 120% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.458646616541 0.468620217663 98% => OK
syllable_count: 820.8 705.55239521 116% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 5.0 1.67365269461 299% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 33.0 22.8473053892 144% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 41.9061451341 57.8364921388 72% => OK
Chars per sentence: 163.5 119.503703932 137% => OK
Words per sentence: 33.25 23.324526521 143% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.5625 5.70786347227 80% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 3.0 8.20758483034 37% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 12.0 6.88822355289 174% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.67664670659 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0950527819937 0.218282227539 44% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0381459463921 0.0743258471296 51% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0341500334435 0.0701772020484 49% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0581871122336 0.128457276422 45% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0366366824671 0.0628817314937 58% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 18.4 14.3799401198 128% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 46.44 48.3550499002 96% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 15.0 12.197005988 123% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.85 12.5979740519 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.57 8.32208582834 103% => OK
difficult_words: 111.0 98.500998004 113% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 15.0 12.3882235529 121% => OK
gunning_fog: 15.2 11.1389221557 136% => OK
text_standard: 15.0 11.9071856287 126% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.