The following appeared in a memorandum from the mayor of Wistfold.
“A recent study revealed that the number of children requiring medical attention for
illnesses in our town is 40 percent higher than in the neighboring town of Champsfield.
Last year the Champsfield school district implemented an educational program called
“Kerzac Plus” that promotes healthier habits among children. Because prepackaged
convenience foods have less nutritional value than fresh fruits and vegetables, Kerzac Plus
guidance led to banning the sale of candy bars and soft drinks in Champsfield schools.
Kerzac Plus also provides informational posters and live presentations for children that
explain the importance of healthy foods and exercise, as well as the risks of making
unhealthy lifestyle choices. The clearest explanation for the lower medical needs of
Champsfield’s children compared withWistfold’s is the introduction of the Kerzac Plus
program to promote student health.”
The agrument behind the memorandum from the mayor of Wistfold is flawed for numerous reasons. Primarily it is based on the unwarrented assumption that the city of Wistfold and Champsfield are the same, rendering the conclusion that introduction of the Kerzac Plus program to promote student health is invalid.
The agrument suggests that Wistfold has illness rate among children approximately 40% higher than Champsfiels. It doesn't provide us any information about the population of respective cities. Assuming that Wistfold may have lower population than Champsfield and have equal number of illness cases, then the percentage representation ought to be higher compared to the city with higher population.
Climatic conditions such Air Quality Index, Precipitation Percentage and Humidity also play a vital role in the immunology of the populace. If the agrument provided data about similarity of these parameter between these two cities then it would bolster the agrument. Other ecological conditions such as water cleanliness and average noise pollution were not considered in the agrument. Pathogens can travel through contaminated water that could very well affect children. This has no relation to what Kerzac Plus promotes yet it is one of the important factors to be considered before the implementation of Kerzac Plus.
While Kerzac Plus will be beneficial in gerenal, consumption of candies and soda by the children will not halt with banning of these items in the school. These items can still be bought and consumed from the general convenience store which might be present right around the corner of ones home. The implementation of posters and advertisements for promotion of healthy lifestyle and exercise is present in the argument yet no data upon the student following this promoted lifestyle is provided. Any details regarding inclusion of exercise related activities in their daily curriculum to promote healthy lifestyle will greatly support the argument.
Because the argument makes several unwarrented assumptions, it fails to make a convincing case that introduction of the Kerzac Plus program will improve the number of child requiring medical attention for illness in Wistfold.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 340 350
No. of Characters: 1840 1500
No. of Different Words: 193 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.294 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.412 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.92 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 142 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 120 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 85 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 54 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.667 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.217 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.533 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.314 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.585 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.077 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 115, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...imately 40% higher than Champsfiels. It doesnt provide us any information about the po...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 191, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this parameter' or 'these parameters'?
Suggestion: this parameter; these parameters
...ument provided data about similarity of these parameter between these two cities then it would ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 285, Rule ID: ONES[1]
Message: Did you mean 'one's'?
Suggestion: one's
...t be present right around the corner of ones home. The implementation of posters and...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, if, may, regarding, so, still, then, well, while, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 19.6327345309 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 7.0 13.6137724551 51% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 19.0 28.8173652695 66% => OK
Preposition: 47.0 55.5748502994 85% => OK
Nominalization: 25.0 16.3942115768 152% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1877.0 2260.96107784 83% => OK
No of words: 339.0 441.139720559 77% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.53687315634 5.12650576532 108% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.29091512845 4.56307096286 94% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.95527819608 2.78398813304 106% => OK
Unique words: 194.0 204.123752495 95% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.572271386431 0.468620217663 122% => OK
syllable_count: 591.3 705.55239521 84% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 3.0 8.76447105788 34% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 0.0 4.22255489022 0% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 19.7664670659 76% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 45.3455865793 57.8364921388 78% => OK
Chars per sentence: 125.133333333 119.503703932 105% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.6 23.324526521 97% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.2 5.70786347227 74% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.161992014893 0.218282227539 74% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0540061803612 0.0743258471296 73% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0687508491914 0.0701772020484 98% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.102203328943 0.128457276422 80% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0671460143981 0.0628817314937 107% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.0 14.3799401198 111% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 40.69 48.3550499002 84% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.1 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 15.15 12.5979740519 120% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.57 8.32208582834 115% => OK
difficult_words: 104.0 98.500998004 106% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 12.3882235529 97% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.