The following appeared in a memorandum from the owner of Movies Galore, a chain ofvideo rental stores.“In order to reverse the recent decline in our profits, we must reduce operating expenses atMovies Galore’s ten video rental stores. Since we are fam

Essay topics:

The following appeared in a memorandum from the owner of Movies Galore, a chain of

video rental stores.

“In order to reverse the recent decline in our profits, we must reduce operating expenses at

Movies Galore’s ten video rental stores. Since we are famous for our special bargains, raising

our rental prices is not a viable way to improve profits. Last month our store in downtown

Marston significantly decreased its operating expenses by closing at 6:00 P.M. rather than

9:00 P.M. and by reducing its stock by eliminating all movies released more than five years

ago. Therefore, in order to increase profits without jeopardizing our reputation for offering

great movies at low prices, we recommend implementing similar changes in our other nine

Movies Galore stores.”

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be addressed in order to

decide whether implementing the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result and

explain how the answers to those questions would help to evaluate the recommendation

One question which needs to be addressed before implementing the recommendation

is whether there are not other ways to improve profits besides cutting operating

expenses. Without proof, the author decides, first, that there are only two viable

options for increasing the profits of Movies Galore: raising rental prices, and cutting

costs. He rules out the first course, and hence claims the second option must be

chosen. But it seems there may be alternative methods of increasing profits, such as

initiating advertising campaigns or closing unprofitable Movies Galore locations.

Even if it is granted that there are only two options for increasing profitability —

cutting costs, and raising rental prices — one might wonder why raising rental prices

is so unthinkable. The author implies that because Movies Galore is famous for special

bargains, raising the rental prices would eliminate this competitive advantage and

decrease profitability. However, in making this conclusion, he makes several

assumptions without considering questions that need to be addressed. First, he

assumes that there is no room to raise current prices and yet maintain lower prices

than competitors. One would need to ask if prices could be increased slightly, while

keeping them cheap. Even if there is no room for such a strategy, the author assumes

that Movies Galore’s reputation for bargain pricing would evaporate if they increased

their prices slightly. Perhaps such a reputation would be widespread enough to persist

despite a slight increase in prices. And thirdly, even if the reputation for bargains would

be eliminated by an increase in prices, the author assumes that Movies Galore cannot

489

Analytical Writing Sample Responses

change course and be successful in some other way. Perhaps it could instead become

known as the store with the friendliest employees. Perhaps it already is, and the author

is wrong to believe that a causal relationship between bargain prices and success

exists, when the real cause of Movies Galore’s good reputation is entirely independent

of its prices. The author needs to answer these questions to convince us that profits are

caused by bargains, and not by the other factors that may be involved.

Another question that needs to be raised is whether or not the downtown Marston

store is truly analogous to the other nine Movies Galore stores. The author seems to

assume that because the cost-cutting measures worked at the Marston location, it will

work at the others, but this is far from clear. Perhaps the patrons of the other Movies

Galore locations would resent such changes in the hours and stock of their local stores.

Perhaps the most important question that needs to be asked is whether the Marston

location’s changes truly increased profitability. The author writes that the Marston store

decreased operating expenses by closing earlier and cutting its stock, but he makes no

mention of increased profitability. It is quite possible that the Marston location’s profits

decreased as a result of their cost cutting, and this is a question that needs to be

addressed. The author then jumps to the conclusion that taking similar measures

would increase profitability at other locations, though such a connection has not even

been established at the Marston store.

Even if the cost-cutting measures increased profitability at the Marston store last

month (and a causal relationship, though presumably assumed, is still far from

evident), there is no guarantee that such measures would continue to increase

profitability over time. One would need to ask: Why not observe how the Marston

location’s action affect profitability over several months, before implementing such

sweeping changes at every store? A single month is a very short time span, and the

habits of customers may change slowly. As word gets around that the Marston store

has cut their hours and their selection, they may in fact jeopardize their reputation for

offering “great movies at low prices.” After all, the name of the franchise is Movies

Galore, and by drastically reducing the available selection, they may alienate their

customer base. If, as mentioned above, Movies Galore is famous for more than its

great bargains — if customers prefer Movies Galore because of its selections, as well —

then such a move may drastically reduce profits over time. It seems extremely rash to

implement such a new and relatively untried strategy at every Movies Galore location,

before the effects can be fully observed and interpreted.

Votes
Average: 5.5 (3 votes)
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Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Expenses
...ove profits besides cutting operating expenses. Without proof, the author decides, fir...
^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Costs
...e: raising rental prices, and cutting costs. He rules out the first course, and hen...
^^^^^
Line 11, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Chosen
...ence claims the second option must be chosen. But it seems there may be alternative ...
^^^^^^
Line 13, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Initiating
...ethods of increasing profits, such as initiating advertising campaigns or closing unprof...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 19, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Is
...ight wonder why raising rental prices is so unthinkable. The author implies that...
^^
Line 23, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Decrease
...minate this competitive advantage and decrease profitability. However, in making this ...
^^^^^^^^
Line 25, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Assumptions
...ing this conclusion, he makes several assumptions without considering questions that need...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 29, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Than
... prices and yet maintain lower prices than competitors. One would need to ask if p...
^^^^
Line 29, column 1, Rule ID: SENT_START_THEM[1]
Message: Did you mean 'Then'?
Suggestion: Then
... prices and yet maintain lower prices than competitors. One would need to ask if p...
^^^^
Line 29, column 1, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “than” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
... prices and yet maintain lower prices than competitors. One would need to ask if p...
^^^^
Line 31, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Keeping
...es could be increased slightly, while keeping them cheap. Even if there is no room fo...
^^^^^^^
Line 35, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Their
...ing would evaporate if they increased their prices slightly. Perhaps such a reputat...
^^^^^
Line 37, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Despite
...would be widespread enough to persist despite a slight increase in prices. And thirdl...
^^^^^^^
Line 45, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Change
... Analytical Writing Sample Responses change course and be successful in some other ...
^^^^^^
Line 47, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Known
... way. Perhaps it could instead become known as the store with the friendliest emplo...
^^^^^
Line 53, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Of
...od reputation is entirely independent of its prices. The author needs to answer ...
^^
Line 55, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Caused
...tions to convince us that profits are caused by bargains, and not by the other facto...
^^^^^^
Line 57, column 45, Rule ID: WHETHER[7]
Message: Perhaps you can shorten this phrase to just 'whether'. It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Suggestion: whether
...her question that needs to be raised is whether or not the downtown Marston store is truly a...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 59, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Store
...s whether or not the downtown Marston store is truly analogous to the other nine Mo...
^^^^^
Line 63, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Work
...rked at the Marston location, it will work at the others, but this is far from cle...
^^^^
Line 69, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Location&apos
...ds to be asked is whether the Marston location's changes truly increased profitability...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 73, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Mention
...nd cutting its stock, but he makes no mention of increased profitability. It is quite...
^^^^^^^
Line 77, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Addressed
...d this is a question that needs to be addressed. The author then jumps to the conclusio...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 81, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Been
...though such a connection has not even been established at the Marston store. Eve...
^^^^
Line 83, column 1, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[2]
Message: “Even if” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...een established at the Marston store. Even if the cost-cutting measures increased pro...
^^^^^^^
Line 89, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Profitability
...h measures would continue to increase profitability over time. One would need to ask: Why n...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 93, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Sweeping
...eral months, before implementing such sweeping changes at every store? A single month ...
^^^^^^^^
Line 95, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Habits
...th is a very short time span, and the habits of customers may change slowly. As word...
^^^^^^
Line 95, column 40, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “As” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
... habits of customers may change slowly. As word gets around that the Marston store...
^^
Line 103, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Customer
...le selection, they may alienate their customer base. If, as mentioned above, Movies Ga...
^^^^^^^^
Line 107, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Then
... because of its selections, as well — then such a move may drastically reduce prof...
^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
besides, but, first, hence, however, if, may, second, so, still, then, third, thirdly, well, while, after all, in fact, such as, as a result

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 38.0 19.6327345309 194% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 25.0 12.9520958084 193% => OK
Conjunction : 25.0 11.1786427146 224% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 21.0 13.6137724551 154% => OK
Pronoun: 51.0 28.8173652695 177% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 67.0 55.5748502994 121% => OK
Nominalization: 20.0 16.3942115768 122% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 4008.0 2260.96107784 177% => OK
No of words: 724.0 441.139720559 164% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.53591160221 5.12650576532 108% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.18721968825 4.56307096286 114% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.82899195679 2.78398813304 102% => OK
Unique words: 315.0 204.123752495 154% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.435082872928 0.468620217663 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 1185.3 705.55239521 168% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 4.96107784431 222% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 15.0 2.70958083832 554% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 12.0 1.67365269461 717% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 28.0 19.7664670659 142% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 57.2367420706 57.8364921388 99% => OK
Chars per sentence: 143.142857143 119.503703932 120% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.8571428571 23.324526521 111% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.0 5.70786347227 88% => OK
Paragraphs: 55.0 5.15768463074 1066% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 31.0 5.25449101796 590% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 20.0 8.20758483034 244% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.115177578536 0.218282227539 53% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0369161207885 0.0743258471296 50% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0312675237059 0.0701772020484 45% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0278766057657 0.128457276422 22% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0365216572832 0.0628817314937 58% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 17.6 14.3799401198 122% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 46.1 48.3550499002 95% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 15.15 12.5979740519 120% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.37 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 160.0 98.500998004 162% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?

---------------------
Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Maximum six paragraphs wanted.

Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.

Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 80 15
No. of Words: 720 350
No. of Characters: 3727 1500
No. of Different Words: 300 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.18 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.176 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.654 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 305 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 209 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 127 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 87 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 9 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.359 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.325 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.18 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.796 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.025 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 56 5