The following appeared in a memorandum from the owner of Movies Galore, a chain of
video rental stores.
“In order to reverse the recent decline in our profits, we must reduce operating expenses at
Movies Galore’s ten video rental stores. Since we are famous for our special bargains, raising
our rental prices is not a viable way to improve profits. Last month our store in downtown
Marston significantly decreased its operating expenses by closing at 6:00 P.M. rather than
9:00 P.M. and by reducing its stock by eliminating all movies released more than five years
ago. Therefore, in order to increase profits without jeopardizing our reputation for offering
great movies at low prices, we recommend implementing similar changes in our other nine
Movies Galore stores.”
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to
decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain
how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
The memorandum from the owner of movie galore asserts to implement some changes in his stores so as to recover from the recent decline in the their profits. Basically, from the experience of one of the branches, he decides to implement the same in other stores also. But, the statement which he avers are tenuous and contains no evidence or proofs to support his stance. some of his weak assertions are discussed further in the subsequent paragraphs.
Firstly, the owner declares to remove the movies released more than 5 years ago. The statement is too strong and senseless because the owner has no idea about the people's love towards the modern movies. In other words, if at all the author have done some research works on these aspects, he should have clearly indicated to show the people's penchant towards the new movies than the old ones. For example, a particular store among the ten has numerous residency, where the majority of the people are aged more than sixty. In such a case, the movies which are old will be more preferred by the most residents.
Secondly, the owner reveals that store in downtown Marston drastically decreased its operating expenses by closing the at 6:00 pm rather than 9:00 pm. The aversion is a bit weak since there is a possibility of acquiring more revenue in the time period between 6 pm and 9 pm is unknown. To exemplify, the people who live around one of the stores are all corporate employees who will reach only by 7 pm. In such a case, most of the residents will not be able to rent the cinema from the store. most importantly, a possible revenue from these customers are lost. this revenue might be more than the operating cost of the same store. To strengthen, there should have been some evidences to show that this idea would work for all the stores.
Thirdly, the implementation of the new recommendations to all the movies galore stores is what the owner asserts at the last part of his memorandum. The assertion is intertwined with the first and second faulty statements discussed above. The statement will be more true if he has presented little more statistical evidence that supports his stance. For example, some graphs or figures, he have analysed about the demographic structure of the people around the store. this kind of research study might benefit him to give insights to whether to implement the rules into all other stores.
In summary, the aversion by the owner could have been more strong enough to support his stance by cogent evidences. Thus, allowing the readers to be more convinced. The owner should have included more serious statistical figures since he deals the whole idea with revenue or profit.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 464 350
No. of Characters: 2162 1500
No. of Different Words: 217 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.641 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.659 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.481 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 148 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 107 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 71 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 47 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.2 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.376 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.65 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.324 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.54 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.129 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 95, Rule ID: SO_AS_TO[1]
Message: Use simply 'to'
Suggestion: to
...to implement some changes in his stores so as to recover from the recent decline in the ...
^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 139, Rule ID: DT_PRP[1]
Message: Possible typo. Did you mean 'the' or 'their'?
Suggestion: the; their
...s to recover from the recent decline in the their profits. Basically, from the experience...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 262, Rule ID: ALSO_SENT_END[1]
Message: 'Also' is not used at the end of the sentence. Use 'as well' instead.
Suggestion: as well
...s to implement the same in other stores also. But, the statement which he avers are ...
^^^^
Line 1, column 372, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Some
...idence or proofs to support his stance. some of his weak assertions are discussed fu...
^^^^
Line 5, column 334, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'peoples'' or 'people's'?
Suggestion: peoples'; people's
...ould have clearly indicated to show the peoples penchant towards the new movies than th...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 493, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Most
...able to rent the cinema from the store. most importantly, a possible revenue from th...
^^^^
Line 9, column 561, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: This
... revenue from these customers are lost. this revenue might be more than the operatin...
^^^^
Line 13, column 391, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'he' must be used with a third-person verb: 'has'.
Suggestion: has
...For example, some graphs or figures, he have analysed about the demographic structur...
^^^^
Line 13, column 469, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: This
...ructure of the people around the store. this kind of research study might benefit hi...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, if, second, secondly, so, then, third, thirdly, thus, as to, for example, in summary, kind of, in other words
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 19.6327345309 97% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 11.1786427146 63% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 13.6137724551 59% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 23.0 28.8173652695 80% => OK
Preposition: 65.0 55.5748502994 117% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 16.3942115768 67% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2229.0 2260.96107784 99% => OK
No of words: 462.0 441.139720559 105% => OK
Chars per words: 4.82467532468 5.12650576532 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.63618218583 4.56307096286 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.54361792121 2.78398813304 91% => OK
Unique words: 223.0 204.123752495 109% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.482683982684 0.468620217663 103% => OK
syllable_count: 701.1 705.55239521 99% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 15.0 8.76447105788 171% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 31.1265059877 57.8364921388 54% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 92.875 119.503703932 78% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.25 23.324526521 83% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.66666666667 5.70786347227 99% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 9.0 5.25449101796 171% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.67664670659 192% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0984833737155 0.218282227539 45% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0305092252355 0.0743258471296 41% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0398915739314 0.0701772020484 57% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0601257833907 0.128457276422 47% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0224118478162 0.0628817314937 36% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.9 14.3799401198 76% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 60.65 48.3550499002 125% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 12.197005988 78% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.68 12.5979740519 85% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.03 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 101.0 98.500998004 103% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 7.5 12.3882235529 61% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.