The following appeared in a memorandum from the owner of Movies Galore, a chain of video rental stores.
"In order to reverse the recent decline in our profits, we must reduce operating expenses at Movies Galore’s ten video rental stores. Since we are famous for our special bargains, raising our rental prices is not a viable way to improve profits. Last month our store in downtown Marston significantly decreased its operating expenses by closing at 6:00 P.M. rather than 9:00 P.M. and by reducing its stock by eliminating all movies released more than five years ago. Therefore, in order to increase profits without jeopardizing our reputation for offering great movies at low prices, we recommend implementing similar changes in our other nine Movies Galore stores.”
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
In the above argument, the owner of a chain of video rental stores, stated that they should increase their profit by declining the operating costs in their stores. He/She suggested the ways that one of the stores in Marston applied and could reduce the costs through them and so, concluded this policies should be implemented in all of their stores.Although this argument seems cogent at first glance, getting accurate on it reveals that the author fails to consider all aspects of such recommendation and there are some questions that their answers could bolster the logic of argument.
First, the author mentioned that changing closing time from 9 pm to 6 pm had a positive effect on reducing the expenses, but the question is that will such measurement have the same result in other areas that their stores are located? For exmaple, maybe in some areas the pick time for renting movies are after 6 pm. So if they would not service the customers after 6, it can have considerable negative impacts on their revenue which consequently reduces their profit. Thus, it should be investigated that if closing stores in 6 pm is helpful in reducing costs in all areas or not?
Also, about eliminating all movies released more than five years ago, it should be answered that are popularity of such videos the same in all areas? And what is peoples’ tastes in selecting movies in various areas? If the main sells of a store are the movies which are made more than 5 years ago, so it is not viable to eliminating such movies from that store’s stock. And it even can have reverse effect on their profits.
Further, it is not clear that do all stores experience such decreasing trend in their profits? If only some stores accounted for the declined profit, so it is not reasonable to implement Marstone store policies in all of stores, because as it is mentioned above, it is possible that this policies have negative impacts on their sells.
The other question is that, are there any other factors that have changed during last month in marston store which could result in lower costs? Like the rent costs, number of employees and their salaries, and etc. If other factors were effective, so it would be superficial conclusion that all stores should follow the mentioned recommendations.
So, it can be seen that the author should consider several questions and analysis them exactly, to have a better and more comprehensive viwe of the implementing the recommendations.
Sentence: He/She suggested the ways that one of the stores in Marston applied and could reduce the costs through them and so, concluded this policies should be implemented in all of their stores.Although this argument seems cogent at first glance, getting accurate on it reveals that the author fails to consider all aspects of such recommendation and there are some questions that their answers could bolster the logic of argument.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to this and policies
Description: The fragment getting accurate on is rare
Sentence: And what is peoples' tastes in selecting movies in various areas?
Description: The token is is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to is and peoples
Sentence: If only some stores accounted for the declined profit, so it is not reasonable to implement Marstone store policies in all of stores, because as it is mentioned above, it is possible that this policies have negative impacts on their sells.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to this and policies
Sentence: For exmaple, maybe in some areas the pick time for renting movies are after 6 pm.
Error: exmaple Suggestion: example
Sentence: So, it can be seen that the author should consider several questions and analysis them exactly, to have a better and more comprehensive viwe of the implementing the recommendations.
Error: viwe Suggestion: view
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argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
argument 4 -- OK
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flaws:
Need to argue:
'Since we are famous for our special bargains, raising our rental prices is not a viable way to improve profits.'
and 'decreased its operating expenses' is not equal to 'more profit'
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 423 350
No. of Characters: 1995 1500
No. of Different Words: 192 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.535 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.716 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.534 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 136 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 93 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 60 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 33 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.2 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 14.602 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.6 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.35 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.652 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.131 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5