The following appeared on the Mozart School of Music Web site. "The Mozart School of Music should be the first choice for parents considering enrolling their child in music lessons. First of all, the Mozart School welcomes youngsters at all ability and age levels; there is no audition to attend the school. Second, the school offers instruction in nearly all musical instruments as well as a wide range of styles and genres from classical to rock. Third, the faculty includes some of the most distinguished musicians in the area. Finally, many Mozart graduates have gone on to become well-known and highly paid professional musicians."
The website of the school suggests that Mozart is the most desirable music school and gives a few reasons why that is, but the suggestion is based on series of assumptions which will be certainly dissected by the potential student or by his/her guardian.
Our brain should learn things at the pace which is meant to be, for example, fundamental mathematics should be thought first and then higher-level mathematics, the website states that "the school welcomes student of all ages and they will teach them a variety of music styles and instruments" but the proper progression of the curriculum is not mentioned and the statement itself is ambiguous-what actually encompasses all musical instruments and a wide variety of styles? proper detailing of the structure is missing which might go against them.
There is no mention of any specialization in the music, they said they cover all styles and instruments but at which depth they will teach is not mentioned, learning things at a superficial level is not helpful and the statement "all instruments and all styles" looks tempting but one should/will question what is the at the which this styles and instruments are thought
Schools also suggested that they have the best local musicians to teach the students hence they should be the first choice but what if the other schools have more renowned teachers from all over the world that would certainly undermine the capability of Mozart school.
The website says the students of Mozart school have gone on to do great in life after learning music from them, this might be true but statement few assumptions first breaking in the music industry is tough and whether the school helped the student that break or student got it by own due to his contacts would be one interesting question that people may ask, the talent of a student and school's ability to teach are not co-related and the school is taking credit for it
The reasons gave by the school to join them are very ambiguous and few questions might be raised by potential students, they should explain the reasoning with more precise details
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 11 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
No. of Sentences: 7 15
No. of Words: 357 350
No. of Characters: 1720 1500
No. of Different Words: 162 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.347 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.818 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.596 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 120 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 85 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 58 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 40 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 51 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 25.467 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.47 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.897 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.242 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 484, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Proper
...struments and a wide variety of styles? proper detailing of the structure is missing w...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, first, hence, if, look, may, so, then, for example
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.6327345309 117% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 22.0 11.1786427146 197% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 27.0 28.8173652695 94% => OK
Preposition: 37.0 55.5748502994 67% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 16.3942115768 49% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1778.0 2260.96107784 79% => OK
No of words: 355.0 441.139720559 80% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.00845070423 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.34067318298 4.56307096286 95% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.73433356481 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 174.0 204.123752495 85% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.49014084507 0.468620217663 105% => OK
syllable_count: 511.2 705.55239521 72% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59920159681 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 0.0 4.22255489022 0% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 5.0 19.7664670659 25% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 71.0 22.8473053892 311% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 227.983683627 57.8364921388 394% => The lengths of sentences changed so frequently.
Chars per sentence: 355.6 119.503703932 298% => Less chars_per_sentence wanted.
Words per sentence: 71.0 23.324526521 304% => Less words per sentence wanted.
Discourse Markers: 14.2 5.70786347227 249% => Less transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 4.0 8.20758483034 49% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.67664670659 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.337510582473 0.218282227539 155% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.182589821862 0.0743258471296 246% => Sentence topic similarity is high.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.093162724152 0.0701772020484 133% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.18205629931 0.128457276422 142% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0713687654259 0.0628817314937 113% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 37.7 14.3799401198 262% => Automated_readability_index is high.
flesch_reading_ease: 16.33 48.3550499002 34% => Flesch_reading_ease is low.
smog_index: 13.0 7.1628742515 181% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 28.6 12.197005988 234% => Flesch kincaid grade is high.
coleman_liau_index: 12.96 12.5979740519 103% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 10.45 8.32208582834 126% => OK
difficult_words: 74.0 98.500998004 75% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 29.0 12.3882235529 234% => Linsear_write_formula is high.
gunning_fog: 30.4 11.1389221557 273% => Gunning_fog is high.
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.