The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The letter to the editor of a scientific journal is attempting to compare humans to rhesus monkeys based on a study of birth order and level of stimulation. The study uses cortisol as their measure of the relative levels of stimulation and looks at first-time mother monkeys versus mothers with several offspring. However, a lot of evidence is required to corroborate the letter’s statements and assumptions.
Firstly, the letter assumes a fairly large degree of similarity between humans and monkeys. This is a big assumption that the letter relies on that if proven false, its argument is seriously weakened. Indeed, it might be because it unlikely that cortisol has the same effect in both monkeys and humans. Though monkeys may be ancient ancestors of humans, they can be different enough to have different hormonal effects though they have the same chemical structure. This means that birth order cannot be extrapolated from monkeys to humans. Perhaps a study comparing birth order in humans only would better prove the letter’s statements.
In addition, cortisol may be released in other instances that have nothing to do with birth order at all. The study and therefore the letter can be flawed since there is no indication of a control for other factors that may trigger the release of cortisol. For example, the way the scientists may have sampled the cortisol may have caused stress in the animals which subsequently caused an increase in stimulation and cortisol levels. If this is the case, then no fair conclusion about birth order and stimulation levels can be made. Also, it is important to find out if the study compare male and female monkeys. There could be important differences in birth order of males versus females and if all siblings are males or if all siblings are females. Since there is so much left unaccounted for in this study, the letter’s argument is severly flawed.
Lastly, monkey mothers and human mothers may not be so comparable afterall. The conditions of monkey in a laboratory is not similar to mothers in a hospital and in their own homes. The monkey mothers with a lot of cortisol could be afraid that the resaerchers watching them may harm their babies the first time around, and learn not to be afraid of them the second and subsequent times and therefore release less cortisol. If that is the case, then birth order and levels of stimulation cannot be concluded since it was stress that caused the increase in cortisol. Furthermore, since a laboratory is a more controlled setting than a human’s home, it is not fair to compare pregnant humans and pregnant monkeys. Mothers could be more stimulated due to things at home such as chores or work the next day and some may not have to worry about those things at all.
In conclusion, the letter discusses a compelling comparison, unfortunately it is possibly based on a faulty study with poor controls and big unwarrented assumptions.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
samples:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 494 350
No. of Characters: 2389 1500
No. of Different Words: 217 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.714 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.836 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.617 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 181 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 127 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 84 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 50 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.478 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.896 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.739 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.302 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.498 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.077 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 7, column 67, Rule ID: AFTERALL[1]
Message: Did you mean 'after all'?
Suggestion: after all
... human mothers may not be so comparable afterall. The conditions of monkey in a laborato...
^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 206, Rule ID: A_LOT_OF_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun cortisol seems to be countable; consider using: 'a lot of cortisols'.
Suggestion: a lot of cortisols
...heir own homes. The monkey mothers with a lot of cortisol could be afraid that the resaerchers wa...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, firstly, furthermore, however, if, lastly, look, may, second, so, then, therefore, for example, in addition, in conclusion, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 30.0 19.6327345309 153% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 18.0 12.9520958084 139% => OK
Conjunction : 21.0 11.1786427146 188% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 28.0 28.8173652695 97% => OK
Preposition: 62.0 55.5748502994 112% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 16.3942115768 67% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2465.0 2260.96107784 109% => OK
No of words: 494.0 441.139720559 112% => OK
Chars per words: 4.98987854251 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.71445763274 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.77426989609 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 221.0 204.123752495 108% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.447368421053 0.468620217663 95% => OK
syllable_count: 774.9 705.55239521 110% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 39.2865484899 57.8364921388 68% => OK
Chars per sentence: 107.173913043 119.503703932 90% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.4782608696 23.324526521 92% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.26086956522 5.70786347227 110% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 8.20758483034 61% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 10.0 4.67664670659 214% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.206269309166 0.218282227539 94% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0735300362635 0.0743258471296 99% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.084653407407 0.0701772020484 121% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.142226712131 0.128457276422 111% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0902035061105 0.0628817314937 143% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.8 14.3799401198 89% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 50.16 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.66 12.5979740519 93% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.26 8.32208582834 99% => OK
difficult_words: 112.0 98.500998004 114% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.