The following appeared as part of a recommendation from the financial planning office to the administration of Fern Valley University.
"In the past few years, Fern Valley University has suffered from a decline in both enrollments and admissions applications. The reason can be discovered from our students, who most often cite poor teaching and inadequate library resources as their chief sources of dissatisfaction with Fern Valley. Therefore, in order to increase the number of students attending our university, and hence to regain our position as the most prestigious university in the greater Fern Valley metropolitan area, it is necessary to initiate a fund-raising campaign among the alumni that will enable us to expand the range of subjects we teach and to increase the size of our library facilities."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion
The financial planning office (FPO) of Fern Valley University has suggested the varsity administration to seek funds from its alumni in order to expand the range of subjects taught at Fern Valley as well as improve the size of its library facilities. It hopes that this will improve admission and enrollment as students cited poor teaching and inadequate library resources as their chief sources of dissatisfaction with Fern Valley. However, the line of reasoning adopted by the FPO is fallacious.
First and foremost, the glaringly obvious fallacy that is conspicuous in this argument is that the FPO wants to increase the number of subjects taught at the university instead of addressing the main concern of the students, that is poor teaching. The students nowhere demand new subjects, instead they want better teaching. In no way can one say that increasing the number of disciplines taught at Fern Valley will improve the teaching standards and attract more students. In fact, this is a concern that needs to be looked into much more deeply. What is it in particular the the students do not like about the teaching at Fern Valley? Do they want more research opportunities, better laboratory facilities, timely lectures, more teaching faculty and the like. A very detailed analysis of these questions may provide with some insightful answers and addressing those concerns is likely to enhance the teaching-learning process of the Fern Valley.
In the same vein, one needs to ask the question, as to how many students actually complained about "poor teaching". If a survey was conducted, was the sample representative of the entire population, or was it just a few querulous students holding a grudge against a professor. If the latter were true, a different detailed survey seeking answers to the above questions may provide some answers.
Again, the initial question is about declining enrollments and admission, and students who are already admitted may not be able to provide germane answers. So, the varsity can approach students, who were offered a position but refused it, to find out more authentic answers for the same. Queries like - were they offered a position at a better varsity and what would have made them stay, can address the main concern of the Fern Valley. It could possibly be that a new college or university has caught the fancy of prospective students, and thus the enrollments have declined. It could also be that students are getting increasing tilted towards online teaching and the overall admission rate across universities have declined. Without answers to these questions, a fund-raising campaign is not likely to change the situation for the university.
So far as the inadequate library facilities are concerned, the suggestion for a fund-raising campaign from the alumni to increase the number of books may be a good one, but more analysis is required, if it is to be addressed appropriately. A detailed inventory of the current books, especially books that are in abundance, is required to analyse what books are lacking. Faculty and students from all disciplines can be asked for their requirements and the shortage can be plugged. This is the age of the digital, and if it is not yet, the university may think of providing digital resources to students by digitising its library.
Thus, in conclusion, one may state that without getting responses for the abovementioned queries, a fund-raising campaign from its alumni is not likely to improve the admission and enrollment rate, and in turn the revenue, of the university.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 582 350
No. of Characters: 2914 1500
No. of Different Words: 247 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.912 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.007 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.837 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 226 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 187 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 125 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 72 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.25 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.647 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.298 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.298 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.094 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 432, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...es of dissatisfaction with Fern Valley. However, the line of reasoning adopted b...
^^^
Line 3, column 574, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: the
...h more deeply. What is it in particular the the students do not like about the teaching...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 574, Rule ID: DT_DT[1]
Message: Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only 'the' or 'the' is left.
Suggestion: the; the
...h more deeply. What is it in particular the the students do not like about the teaching...
^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 32, Rule ID: ASK_THE_QUESTION[1]
Message: Use simply 'ask' instead.
Suggestion: ask
...alley. In the same vein, one needs to ask the question, as to how many students actually compl...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 441, Rule ID: MAY_COULD_POSSIBLY[1]
Message: Use simply 'could'.
Suggestion: could
...the main concern of the Fern Valley. It could possibly be that a new college or university has...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, first, however, if, look, may, so, then, thus, well, as to, in conclusion, in fact, in particular, as well as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 34.0 19.6327345309 173% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 21.0 11.1786427146 188% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 35.0 28.8173652695 121% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 71.0 55.5748502994 128% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2998.0 2260.96107784 133% => OK
No of words: 582.0 441.139720559 132% => OK
Chars per words: 5.15120274914 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.91168771031 4.56307096286 108% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.95791916662 2.78398813304 106% => OK
Unique words: 262.0 204.123752495 128% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.450171821306 0.468620217663 96% => OK
syllable_count: 940.5 705.55239521 133% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 6.0 1.67365269461 358% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 22.8473053892 105% => OK
Sentence length SD: 52.4601535294 57.8364921388 91% => OK
Chars per sentence: 124.916666667 119.503703932 105% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.25 23.324526521 104% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.41666666667 5.70786347227 95% => OK
Paragraphs: 7.0 5.15768463074 136% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.67664670659 192% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.194844939318 0.218282227539 89% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0534881539721 0.0743258471296 72% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.068851326283 0.0701772020484 98% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0959028153769 0.128457276422 75% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0994270448308 0.0628817314937 158% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.0 14.3799401198 104% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 47.12 48.3550499002 97% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 12.197005988 104% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.89 12.5979740519 102% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.54 8.32208582834 103% => OK
difficult_words: 137.0 98.500998004 139% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.1389221557 104% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Maximum six paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.