The following appeared as a recommendation by a committee planning a ten-year budget for the city of Calatrava.
"The birthrate in our city is declining: in fact, last year's birthrate was only one-half that of five years ago. Thus the number of students enrolled in our public schools will soon decrease dramatically, and we can safely reduce the funds budgeted for education during the next decade. At the same time, we can reduce funding for athletic playing fields and other recreational facilities. As a result, we will have sufficient money to fund city facilities and programs used primarily by adults, since we can expect the adult population of the city to increase."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author of the argument claims that the adult population of the city will increase, so that the goverment should reduce funding for students to ensure sufficient money to fund city facilities and programs used primarily by adults. while this statement might make sense when demands of adults increase, we need to be offered more evidences to fully evaluate the argument.
To begin with, the first piece of information we need is that whether we can safety reduce the funds budgeted for education during the next decades. The author only provides last year's birthrate, which might be atypical. To strengthen the argument, he should provide more detailed information about birthrate over the past decades. In addition, if birthrate of five years ago is extremely high, then one-half of that might still be pretty high, thereby curtailing government's determination to reduce budget. Furthermore, the author fails to take operation costs into consideration. As we know, both societies and individuals nowadays emphasize much on education. Therefore, we might need to devote more into education instead of less. both material costs and labor costs might enhance significantly in the next decades. For example, multi-media equipment could cost more in order to improve teaching quality or teachers desire higher wages to teach well. even though number of students would decrease, financial support from government should not be reduced due to increasing education costs.
Moreover, the recommendation to reduce funding for athletic playing fields and other recreational facilities is not grounded. The author unfairly assumes that they are only utilized by kids. however, this assumption might turn out to be false. Insteadn, adults could have do exercise on those. if adults found too expensive to go to the gyms but those athletic playing fields are free to public, then they might do sports on these fields. One negative impact of doing so would be reduced individual average physical activities. when government reduces funding for those places, most citizens found no areas to exercise, so that exercise less frequently. As a result, health issues would rise dramatically.
last but not least, the statement that adult population of city would increase and need more meny to fund city facilities and programs used primarily by adults is problematic. The author fails to provide justified reason behind increasing adult population. Why adult population would increase instead of keeping stable? even if adult population indeed increases, are current fund city facilities and programs able to support more people? if current facilities are old and limited, then increasing number of adults might cause burden on them and so it would be reasonable to support the facilities. however, on the other hand, if people use those facilities infrequently because of busy work schedule, then further financial support might not be necessary. Also, whether government would have "sufficient" money to fund programs for adults remains questionable. Guaranteed that government reduce budget for programs previously targeted to students, is money enough? In all likelihood, government is running deficit, so that it can only give small amount of money for public programs, while adults programs require relatively considerable support, then money might not be sufficient.
To sum up, as it stands, the argument is based on incomplete evidences. To further strengthen the argument, the author ought to add the evidences as follows: first, whether the number of students would decline and whether reduced budget on education is valid; second, whether government can reduce funding for athletic fields; last, whether adult population is growing in the city and whether it is sufficient and necessary to support programs used primarily by adults.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
argument 1 -- better to say: maybe people from other cities move to this city.
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 595 350
No. of Characters: 3158 1500
No. of Different Words: 264 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.939 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.308 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.68 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 252 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 189 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 134 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 85 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 27.045 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 18.467 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.773 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.299 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.491 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.115 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 235, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: While
... and programs used primarily by adults. while this statement might make sense when de...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 180, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'years'' or 'year's'?
Suggestion: years'; year's
... decades. The author only provides last years birthrate, which might be atypical. To ...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 736, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Both
...te more into education instead of less. both material costs and labor costs might en...
^^^^
Line 3, column 957, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Even
...hers desire higher wages to teach well. even though number of students would decreas...
^^^^
Line 5, column 192, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: However
...es that they are only utilized by kids. however, this assumption might turn out to be f...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 273, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Use past participle here: 'done'.
Suggestion: done
...o be false. Insteadn, adults could have do exercise on those. if adults found too ...
^^
Line 5, column 295, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
...adults could have do exercise on those. if adults found too expensive to go to the...
^^
Line 5, column 529, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: When
...individual average physical activities. when government reduces funding for those pl...
^^^^
Line 9, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Last
...issues would rise dramatically. last but not least, the statement that adult...
^^^^
Line 9, column 321, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Even
...uld increase instead of keeping stable? even if adult population indeed increases, a...
^^^^
Line 9, column 439, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
...d programs able to support more people? if current facilities are old and limited,...
^^
Line 9, column 599, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: However
...e reasonable to support the facilities. however, on the other hand, if people use those...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, furthermore, however, if, moreover, second, so, still, then, therefore, well, while, as to, for example, in addition, as a result, to begin with, to sum up, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.6327345309 117% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 32.0 12.9520958084 247% => Less auxiliary verb wanted.
Conjunction : 15.0 11.1786427146 134% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 29.0 28.8173652695 101% => OK
Preposition: 70.0 55.5748502994 126% => OK
Nominalization: 35.0 16.3942115768 213% => Less nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3266.0 2260.96107784 144% => OK
No of words: 595.0 441.139720559 135% => OK
Chars per words: 5.48907563025 5.12650576532 107% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.93888872473 4.56307096286 108% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.85238357938 2.78398813304 102% => OK
Unique words: 284.0 204.123752495 139% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.47731092437 0.468620217663 102% => OK
syllable_count: 1014.3 705.55239521 144% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 15.0 2.70958083832 554% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 31.0 19.7664670659 157% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 68.6210696264 57.8364921388 119% => OK
Chars per sentence: 105.35483871 119.503703932 88% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.1935483871 23.324526521 82% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.1935483871 5.70786347227 109% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 12.0 5.25449101796 228% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 10.0 6.88822355289 145% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.67664670659 192% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.119665257502 0.218282227539 55% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.031788174828 0.0743258471296 43% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0452780138264 0.0701772020484 65% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0685621558293 0.128457276422 53% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0323312143051 0.0628817314937 51% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.0 14.3799401198 97% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 43.73 48.3550499002 90% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.56 12.5979740519 116% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.35 8.32208582834 100% => OK
difficult_words: 142.0 98.500998004 144% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 15.0 11.9071856287 126% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.