The following is a letter from the parent of a private school student to the principal of that school:
Last year, Kensington Academy turned over management of its cafeteria to a private vendor, Swift Nutrition. This company serves low-fat, low-calorie meals that students do not find enjoyable – my son and several of his friends came home yesterday complaining about the lunch options. While the intent of hiring Swift may have been to cause students to eat healthier foods, the plan is just going to cause students to bring their own, less healthy lunches instead of eating cafeteria food. If Swift is not replaced with another vendor, there will be serious health consequences for Kensington students.
__________
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the prediction and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.
The letter written by one of the parent of a student of Kensington Academy is intended to bring the problem into the notice of the principal. However, the argument seems fallacious on many grounds and left scope for many questions to be answered.
The writer submitted that their wards are not enjoying the food given by the recently taken over cafeterian vendor because the food is less in fat and calories. It implies that their children want lunch options which are rich in carbohydrates and calorie intake. However, the author did not take burden to inquire about the reason why the school had changed the vendor and brought that who sale that kind of meals. It is likely that due to the fatty food sold by the earlier seller, students of this institution got sick. It is also possible that majority of the parents urged the authority for the change because they need to have less fatty food for their children during the school hours.
Further, the statement asserted that the plan will perpetuate students to bring their own, unhealthy food. This point does not seem cogent. If that is the case, then, that means their parents will give them sub standard meals for their lunches. But the argument doesn't answer that why the students will bring unhealthy lunch boxes on their own? It is possible that their parents do not have enough time to prepare fresh food for their children. In that case, their needs to mention the number of students who can't bring their healthy food on their own.
However, the parent requested the management to replace the salesperson without considering other options. He needs to answer that why there is only option to replace the vendor. There can be other ways to solve the matter. If some students want fatty food, it is likely that the same person can also give that items. By just demanding his replacement, it is possible that the parent colluded with someone else who want to take the vendorship of that cafe. In that case, the whole intent becomes wrong. To clear these things, the writer must elaborate the things in detail.
Therefore, the writer just acted on the request of their children who are not mature enough to take the right decision. It is globally accepted and scientifically proven fact that fatty food causes problems like diabetes in children but the penman just ignored these things and directly demanded the replacement.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 411 350
No. of Characters: 1935 1500
No. of Different Words: 205 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.503 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.708 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.245 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 129 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 88 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 55 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 24 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.682 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.656 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.409 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.274 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.488 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.053 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 263, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...als for their lunches. But the argument doesnt answer that why the students will bring...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 510, Rule ID: CANT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'can't' or 'cannot'?
Suggestion: can't; cannot
...s to mention the number of students who cant bring their healthy food on their own. ...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, however, if, so, then, therefore, kind of
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 19.6327345309 76% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 7.0 12.9520958084 54% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 24.0 13.6137724551 176% => OK
Pronoun: 47.0 28.8173652695 163% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 47.0 55.5748502994 85% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 16.3942115768 49% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1985.0 2260.96107784 88% => OK
No of words: 410.0 441.139720559 93% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.84146341463 5.12650576532 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.49982852243 4.56307096286 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.30851951342 2.78398813304 83% => OK
Unique words: 206.0 204.123752495 101% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.50243902439 0.468620217663 107% => OK
syllable_count: 591.3 705.55239521 84% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59920159681 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 4.96107784431 222% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 22.8473053892 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 39.6338875373 57.8364921388 69% => OK
Chars per sentence: 90.2272727273 119.503703932 76% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.6363636364 23.324526521 80% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.36363636364 5.70786347227 41% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 11.0 6.88822355289 160% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.101417750373 0.218282227539 46% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0315874549355 0.0743258471296 42% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0303721334426 0.0701772020484 43% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0571495455892 0.128457276422 44% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0358415747635 0.0628817314937 57% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.7 14.3799401198 74% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 70.13 48.3550499002 145% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 7.9 12.197005988 65% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.79 12.5979740519 86% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.61 8.32208582834 91% => OK
difficult_words: 80.0 98.500998004 81% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 12.3882235529 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 11.1389221557 83% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.