The following is from a recent email by the Diord Corp. Human resources Manager:
“Tobor technologies found that mental health problems and mental illness were responsible for about 15 percent of employee sick days. Tobor amended its employee insurance plan so that workers receive the same coverage for mental illnesses as they do for physical illness. In addition, the company hired an on-site psychologist and created a system that allow workers to schedule confidential appointments. After one year, the number of employees that used sick days declined by 10 percent. Diord has had an increase in employee sick days over the past two years, so we should introduce a similar insurance plan and counselling program. These measures will surely reduce absenteeism and increase in productivity.”
The argument presented states that Tobor technologies had an increase in employee sick days which was dealt with by the company hiring an on-site psychologist. The Diord Corp. have assurance that since it worked for the other company, it was going to work for them as well. Although the argument seems cogent at first glance, the assumptions made are vague and should be considered more deliberately to make the argument lucid and reasonable.
First of all, it was stated that fifteen percent of the employee sick days for Tobor technologies was due to mental health problems. This was stated without prove nor was the source of the information mentioned. The credibility of this statistic cannot be taken for what it is. It could have been reported by one of the employees in the company who has just a vague idea of what actually goes on in the company judging from what he or she has heard. Such an information cannot be relied on. The author assumes that the statistic presented is a representation of a whole which might not be so.
Additionally, the actual cause for the sick days of Diord Corp. was not stated. It was not mentioned whether it was because of mental health issues like for the other company; the increase that has been realized was just mentioned. The assumption made is that the increase in sick days of the employees in Diord Corp. was also due to mental health issues. Also, even if the cases were comparable for both companies, the fact that hiring a psychologist worked for the other company does not mean it was going to work for Diord Corp. Perhaps another alternative can be thought of – when a better survey is conducted to find the actual cause of employee absenteeism. The author does not only assume the cases are comparable with just the little and insufficient information gathered, but also assumes that the only alternative is to introduce a similar health insurance plan.
Furthermore, the cost involved in changing the insurance plan of the company was not mentioned, neither was the cost involved in hiring an on-site psychologist mentioned. The companies may have different wealth or income earnings. The author needs to consider how this will affect the company’s profit and how it can be implemented. Assuming that the cost will be affordable on the base level is by no means a good idea.
There are a lot of considerations to be made to make this argument logical. It includes getting a reliable statistic, finding the actual cause of employee absenteeism in the company concerned, considering other ways to go about the whole issue, and thinking about the cost involved in implementing.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
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argument 1 -- not OK. In GRE, we have to accept all data or evidence are true. It is important to find out loopholes behind surveys or studies. Loopholes mean that we accept all surveys told are true, but there are some conditions applied, for example:
It works for time A (10 years ago), but it doesn't mean it works for time B (nowadays).
It works for location A (a city, community, nation), but it doesn't mean it works for location B (another city, community, nation).
It works for people A (a manager), but it doesn't mean it works for people B (a worker).
It works for event A (one event, project... ), but it doesn't mean it works for event B (another event, project...).
It works for A and B, but not C.
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- not OK. Need to argue against the conclusion always. For this topic it is:
These measures will surely reduce absenteeism and increase in productivity.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 449 350
No. of Characters: 2145 1500
No. of Different Words: 194 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.603 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.777 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.677 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 143 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 104 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 78 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 51 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.45 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.49 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.293 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.518 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.06 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, first, furthermore, if, may, so, well, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 34.0 19.6327345309 173% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 26.0 28.8173652695 90% => OK
Preposition: 53.0 55.5748502994 95% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2198.0 2260.96107784 97% => OK
No of words: 450.0 441.139720559 102% => OK
Chars per words: 4.88444444444 5.12650576532 95% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.6057793516 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.78204472277 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 205.0 204.123752495 100% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.455555555556 0.468620217663 97% => OK
syllable_count: 680.4 705.55239521 96% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 22.8473053892 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 58.0600742526 57.8364921388 100% => OK
Chars per sentence: 91.5833333333 119.503703932 77% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.75 23.324526521 80% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.0 5.70786347227 53% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 0.0 5.25449101796 0% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 11.0 4.67664670659 235% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.185405071141 0.218282227539 85% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.06072011826 0.0743258471296 82% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0691347759077 0.0701772020484 99% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.10187038916 0.128457276422 79% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0508566713348 0.0628817314937 81% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.9 14.3799401198 76% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 61.67 48.3550499002 128% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.1 12.197005988 75% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.02 12.5979740519 87% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.51 8.32208582834 90% => OK
difficult_words: 85.0 98.500998004 86% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 12.3882235529 69% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 11.1389221557 83% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.