The following report appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds represent the most frequently given reason for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid—a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil—as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."
Author recommend that daily use of Ichthaid—a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil—as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. To bolster the recommendation author stated a study report of nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high and people visits the doctor only once or twice per year for treatment of colds. Further author stated that most common reason for absenteeism is colds. Thus, by eating substantial amount of fish absenteeism can be reduced. I found author’s argument unconvincing and dubious at best.
First of all, Author stated the report of East meria about their consumption of fish and their yearly visits to doctor but here author haven’t specified the details about the report. The number of responses recorded and does those responses represent the whole mass so to eliminate the probability of peculiarity nature of reports. Even if report are correct and people of East Meria consumes substantial amount of fish and they also have less visits to doctor yearly but such evidence doesn’t consent that in West Meria also same pattern will be observed. It might happen that people of West Meria might not elude cold by consuming fish or even due to substantial consumption of fish people get affected by other disease. Thus, author assumption that substantial consumption of fish would avoid absenteeism is unwarranted.
Second, Even if reports are correct author setting up relationship between consumption of fish and visits to doctor might result wrong as it might happen that due to daily consumption of other food resulted in less visits to doctor. if such is a case recommending people of west Meria to consume fish to avoid cold will have not affect on visits to doctor or such consumption might even exacerbate the situation. Author need to ensure that due to fish consumption is high, people visit to doctor is low. It might also happen that people of East Meria use home remedies to surmount the colds and that is the reasons of less visits to doctor report. In such case, fish consumption cannot be considered as prevention to colds.
Third, Even if fish consumption prevent colds, author presumptuously assumed that a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil is good way to prevent colds. It might happen that due to some elements present fish result in such prevention from cold and Ichthaid doesn’t consist of that elements. Author have also posited that colds are common reason for absenteeism thus by using Ichthaid, colds can be prevented but here author have not mention about the side effects of such oil and it might happen that after consuming Ichthaid, people of West Meria derive any other problem which led to even more absenteeism.
In conclusion, I found author’s argument unpersuasive.To strengthen the argument, author should provide details of the report and ensure that consumption of fish has resulted in less visits to doctor rather than any other explanation. To better evaluate the argument, author should provide statistical data about the common cause of absenteeism in West Meria and Ichthaid--nutritional supplement derived from fish oil will reduce absenteeism.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 521 350
No. of Characters: 2596 1500
No. of Different Words: 199 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.778 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.983 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.649 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 191 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 113 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 81 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 58 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 27.421 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 15.215 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.526 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.401 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.575 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.123 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 344, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Further,
... twice per year for treatment of colds. Further author stated that most common reason f...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 445, Rule ID: FEWER_LESS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'fewer'? The noun visits is countable.
Suggestion: fewer
...ntial amount of fish and they also have less visits to doctor yearly but such eviden...
^^^^
Line 5, column 211, Rule ID: FEWER_LESS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'fewer'? The noun visits is countable.
Suggestion: fewer
...y consumption of other food resulted in less visits to doctor. if such is a case rec...
^^^^
Line 5, column 234, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
...food resulted in less visits to doctor. if such is a case recommending people of w...
^^
Line 5, column 330, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: 'affected'.
Suggestion: affected
...onsume fish to avoid cold will have not affect on visits to doctor or such consumption...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 330, Rule ID: AFFECT_EFFECT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'effect'?
Suggestion: effect
...onsume fish to avoid cold will have not affect on visits to doctor or such consumption mi...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 619, Rule ID: FEWER_LESS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'fewer'? The noun visits is countable.
Suggestion: fewer
...nt the colds and that is the reasons of less visits to doctor report. In such case, ...
^^^^
Line 7, column 445, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: 'mentioned'.
Suggestion: mentioned
...n be prevented but here author have not mention about the side effects of such oil and ...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 60, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: To
...und author's argument unpersuasive.To strengthen the argument, author should ...
^^
Line 9, column 184, Rule ID: FEWER_LESS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'fewer'? The noun visits is countable.
Suggestion: fewer
...hat consumption of fish has resulted in less visits to doctor rather than any other ...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, if, second, so, then, third, thus, in conclusion, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 19.6327345309 76% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 18.0 12.9520958084 139% => OK
Conjunction : 19.0 11.1786427146 170% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 26.0 28.8173652695 90% => OK
Preposition: 74.0 55.5748502994 133% => OK
Nominalization: 27.0 16.3942115768 165% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2685.0 2260.96107784 119% => OK
No of words: 514.0 441.139720559 117% => OK
Chars per words: 5.22373540856 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.76146701107 4.56307096286 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.88248924814 2.78398813304 104% => OK
Unique words: 205.0 204.123752495 100% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.398832684825 0.468620217663 85% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 806.4 705.55239521 114% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 1.0 8.76447105788 11% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 66.075316874 57.8364921388 114% => OK
Chars per sentence: 134.25 119.503703932 112% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.7 23.324526521 110% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.0 5.70786347227 70% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 10.0 5.25449101796 190% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0892405970369 0.218282227539 41% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.036937877603 0.0743258471296 50% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0362829110923 0.0701772020484 52% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0657000968883 0.128457276422 51% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0259175810781 0.0628817314937 41% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.0 14.3799401198 111% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 46.1 48.3550499002 95% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.29 12.5979740519 105% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.89 8.32208582834 95% => OK
difficult_words: 98.0 98.500998004 99% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 11.9071856287 67% => The average readability is low. Need to imporve the language.
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.